TV Review: Pretty Little Liars Season 3 Episode 22

Pretty Little Liars Wilden Alive

“Also, back.”

Damn.

Ashley was way more badass when I thought she’d killed someone.

Oh well, at least we know she’s capable of it when it comes to the crunch.

What? It’s a useful skill to have in the bag.

TL;DR Wilden is alive, Spencer isn’t actually crazy, Toby might be dead. And the Aria drama is kept to a minimum.

Finally.

Plot lines go now:

Aria mercifully tones down the domestic bullshit. Not entirely, though. Ezra is having trouble finding money to support Malcolm and Maggie, so Aria goes to Byron to look for some regular teaching employment. Byron and Ella scheme to get Ezra a job as a substitute teacher in the school district, which means he may be Aria’s teacher again. Scandalous.

Emily acts as go-between when Dr Sullivan discovers Spencer at Radley. The Liars are relieved she’s okay, but aren’t being told about Toby’s dead body yet. Emily also meets up with Shana for some reason, who introduces her to Missy Franklin, in a guest spot that nobody asked for or cares about.

Hanna might be moving to New York because Ashley has some job training thing which could get her a promotion. Ted isn’t too happy about it, but Hanna is willing to go so they can get away from Wilden. Oh yeah, Wilden is alive (if you hadn’t picked that up yet. I have been accused of obstructive subtlety). He confronts Hanna and tells her he’ll let the whole “your mum tried to murder me” thing go away if she gives him his car back. Oops.

Spencer carries the bulk of the plot this week. Turns out she was faking being crazy so she could hide from the world. Dr Sullivan discovers and blows her cover. While in Radley, Spencer encounters staff member E Lamb. She explains how Toby used to use his ID to sneak in to see Mona, and E drops a few tidbits about a possibly corrupt staff member and that Toby’s mum used to be a patient. Mona also visits Spencer and extends her offer to join the A-team again (like she did in the season 2 finale). Spencer might have to stay in Radley for further treatment, too. Becaus she’s a self-pitying bitch.

Gosh, it’s all happening now. Only 2 episodes to go until the season finale. Hopefully it’s not as underwhelming as last time. Mona hadn’t really perfected her scary face at that time.

I’m actually pretty satisfied overall this week. Aria isn’t an annoying whore, Hanna gets some decent screen time, and we get some vital info about Alison/A/the whole thang.

Cool.

Why I hate this episode:

Quibbles commence!

Aria does squeeze in some dumbassery. She goes to fucking Byron for help in finding Ezra a job. Honestly, Aria, are you that fucking stupid? Of course Byron is going to do something shady. Idiot.

She also lies to the principal about dating Ezra. Yeah, I bet that won’t come back to bite you. Didn’t we already cover the fact that dating your goddamn teacher is fucking dangerous and awkward? Learn!

I’m pretty bummed that Wilden is alive and seemingly unharmed. For one, it means Ashley isn’t a cold-blooded killer. That makes me unhappy. It also means that the dead body from last week couldn’t have been him, so it probably was Toby. Although, Jason is still unaccounted for (you can’t text message proof-of-life).

Spencer’s plan of playing Jane Doe is pretty short-sighted. How long did she really think she could pull that off? And is staying in a fucking mental asylum really preferable to just sitting in front of the TV at home and watching hours of Downton Abbey and Doctor Who? Not that I’d know anything about that. #totallynotanunemployedfatass

She also tries playing the amnesia card. Keep that soap opera shit at bay, please.

And she totally tanks her group therapy session, so it looks like she’s in for a longer stay. Ugh.

Missy Franklin’s cameo is just fucking weird. She’s not that terrible at acting, but really, why is she there? I also love how Shana’s like “Hey Emily, here’s an Olympian. Lol, random!” Wut? Most bizarre cameo since Adam Lambert.

Shana is a swimmer, too. Are all lesbians in the PLL universe swimmers? Is there some kind of subtext I’m missing?

Oh, and Hanna wears not 1, but 2 crap outfits this episode (number 2 is featured below). I know mocking her fashion is a regular feature here (it replenishes my electrolytes), but could somebody give the poor thing a break?

Reasons to watch:

Wilden is alive. And Hanna can’t give him his car back. Things better get juicy.

I’m surprised that Mona is willing to re-extend her A-team offer to Spencer. Kinda hoping Spencer decides to accept. Get some fuckin’ deets.

Although Spencer is forbidden visits from non-family members, Mona (using her real name, as evidenced by her visitor tag) is able to get in to see her. Which means E’s suggestion that there’s a corrupt staff member is totally viable. It’s all connected, you guys.

Ted says Jamie is doing good work on the church renovations, but we don’t have to suffer seeing him. See, Aria. This is how you move along your boring B-plots without making us want to crack out the razors and bleach.

Byron and Ella conspire to break up Aria and Ezra. I lol’d. Also, points for packaging it as helping him. Aria’s gonna have a tough time fighting that.

Melissa plays distressed sister impressively. Almost makes me think she’s not Alison’s killer. Almost.

In a flashback, Spencer recalls her and Alison attending church. After some sniggering at an adorably enthusiastic Mona, Alison says she’s writing her diaries for Spencer (and presumably the rest of the Liars? Maybe? What do you guys think?) to have when she dies, so they can “carry on” after she’s gone. Ooh.

Mona reveals that she has some of the diaries (and apparently knows where the rest are) to Spencer during her visit, and offers them if Spencer agrees to join her. Come on, Spence. Do it. We need this.

Alison slips in best line this week during the flashback:
Spencer: “Why do you even bother going to church?”
Alison: “I like to cover my bets.”
Dat amorality.

The Liars (minus Spencer. Obv) discuss how Spencer was the first to be mentally broken by A. Hanna brusquely says she’s not surprised. I lol’d.

Mona gloats to them soon after and Aria tries to threaten her. Aww, she thinks she’s menacing. So cute.

Oh, and Hanna’s “oh shit” face when Wilden says he wants his car back is delicious. It’s a shame her fashion sense isn’t.

Pretty Little Liars Hanna 80s dress

“I’m still stuck in the goddamn 80s!”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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