TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 13

Revenge Emily crying

FFS, just let me go.

Up until the final part of the episode, I was convinced this week would be the week where I would finally be done with Revenge.

I would have finally kept my promise.

But fuck, when you’ve got Victoria Grayson murdering a bitch in cold blood (and with a smile on her face), there’s no escape.

ABC be damned.

TL;DR Victoria fucking kills Helen. Boom. Emily and Aiden continue to descend into unbearable melodrama. The Stowaway ownership shenanigans reach new levels of bullshit.

Yeah, it’s not all good. This is Revenge, remember?

The plot, as per usual, is all multifaceted. Emily and Aiden (I’m not calling him BritBrit anymore. Over it) confirm that his sister is indeed dead. She died 6 years ago. Aiden mopes off for a bit, causing Emily to be annoyingly emotional. He eventually comes back and they decide to continue their efforts against the Initiative to honour her or some shit. Meanwhile, Amanda and Jack are getting married. Their wedding is boring and almost daytime soap level pathetic. They also manage to buy back the Stowaway from Conrad (with some cash from Emily). Sam Anders isn’t too happy about the scheme falling through, though. Meanwhile, Victoria realises she finally has to step in to stop Daniel’s involvement with Helen (which seems to be heading down the same path as David Clark). This involves fucking murdering the shit out of Helen. It’s awesome. Oh, and Nolan takes a walk down “I was working for the Initiative under duress” lane with Accountant.

So the only real saving grace of this episode is Victoria’s trigger happy encounter with Helen. And thankfully, it’s enough.

But seriously, almost everything up until then was horrible. Just horrible. The wedding in particular is a clusterfuck of absolute sappiness. Jack and Amanda’s vows are one thing, but then we’ve got Emily all weepy in the background because 1) Jack is marrying someone else, and 2) Aiden has abandoned her. Then Aiden shows up across the beach, standing with a loose, white cotton shirt flowing in the breeze, and they exchange meaningful looks. What the actual fuck?

This is supposed to be a modernisation of The Count of Monte Cristo. Not Bold and the Beautiful for the CW crowd.

Why I hate this episode:

I don’t care about Jack and Amanda’s wedding

I don’t care about Emily and Aiden’s relationship.

I don’t care about how Accountant’s dad was kidnapped by the Initiative.

I don’t care about how Nolan feels for her so deeply.

I don’t care who owns the bar.

I don’t care if Sam Anders wants to have a casino.

Amanda steals Emily’s infinity box and her special laptop at one point. She needs a password for the laptop. It’s fucking “infinity.” Really, Emily? That’s all that’s keeping your master plan safe? Dumb bitch.

Oh, and we get flashbacks to when child Amanda (real Amanda, so present day Emily. You know) and Jack had a mock wedding. It is creepy.

Reasons to watch:

Only 1 really: Victoria motherfucking murders Helen. There aren’t many ways I can say it.

I think what makes it really work is Helen taunts Victoria about how she was such a wussbag when it came to David Clark and she doesn’t have it in her to just kill somebody. Then Victoria does. And she grins all along.

To make things even more awesome, she casually calls in Daniel and Conrad to help deal with the body. Victoria’s back in the game, baby.

Best line of the episode goes to Emily. Although this isn’t its original context, it does perfectly sum up this season compared to season 1: “It’s not exactly last summer, is it?” No, it’s not.

The closing shot of the episode has Sam Anders tucked away on Jack and Amanda’s boat, with the intention to “remove” them. I’d be fine with him killing either or both.

At least the Aiden’s sister subplot is all tied up now.

Amanda does a pretty decent job at making Conrad roll over for her. Still, a little crowbar action wouldn’t have hurt.

Oh, and I think I should mention Victoria brutally shooting Helen in the chest again. It really does hit the spot.

Revenge Victoria shoots Helen

“Oh that’s right, you can’t. Because you is dead, ho! Ye-yeah!”


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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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