TV Review: The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 12

The Vampire Diaries Kol Jeremy arm chop

Tie me Jeremy down, Kol. #rolfharrisreferencenobodywillget

Tonight, an Original dies…

The one with the least character development and importance to the plot so far.

So, you know, Kol.

TL;DR Kol dies. Stefeka is still going strong. Bonnie’s dad is the most indecisive parent ever. 80s dance.

Yeah, that’s right, I can write accurate TL;DRs sometimes.

Most of the episode involves everyone flitting around Kol while he rampages against Jeremy/his siblings. Kol pinches all but 1 of the daggers, so Klaus tasks Stefan with getting it from Rebeka, so he can incapacitate Kol. Stefan fake (but not?) romances Rebeka to get it, which includes taking her alone to the 80s decade dance (which got cancelled). She figures him out but gives it to him anyway. Their relationship remains stong. Meanwhile, because Stefan is busy, Klaus has to babysit a still-compelled-to-kill-Jeremy Damon. They chit chat about Elena for a bit. Not much happens. Elena tries pulling a fake truce on Kol so he won’t hurt Jeremy. Things go sour for a bit (see image above), but Elena manages to wrangle the invinci-stake from Kol and Jeremy kills him. The tattoo begins to grow by the end of the episode. During all this, Bonnie’s parents (yeah, her mum’s back) try to hold an intervention on her “expression.” She resists, and then uses her powers to trap Klaus, which will hopefully give everyone enough time to track down the cure.

There’s not too much for me to whinge about this week.

The big one would have to be Bonnie’s dad’s complete flip-flop on Shane. Last episode I fucking exploded at how dumb it was for him to condone and encourage Shane to keep teaching Bonnie how to control her powers. But this week Bonnie’s dad is like “No, Shane is evil now and I hate him. Also, he’s still in jail.” When the fuck did that happen? The last word he had on Shane last episode was when he thought Shane might be able to keep Bonnie in check. I’m confused.

But we get some impressive plot points covered (the tattoo is finished, bruh) and some sympathy for Rebeka, who you should know is my favourite blonde bitch. I’m a bit satisfied.

Why I hate this episode:

Caroline, my second favourite blonde bitch, is still MIA, though. That’s 2 episodes in a row. Rude.

Also, where the fuck are Tyler and Hayley? I need some Phoebe Tonkin.

It sucks that yet another dance is ruined for Rebeka. This one ends up a bit happier than last time (this time she at least gets to go, albeit alone with Stefan, rather than getting daggered in the back), but I just want Rebeka to get what she truly wants for once.

Abby (Bonnie’s mum) really doesn’t do anything. Her and Bonnie’s dad’s only victory is when they fucking chloroform their own daughter, which proves temporary anyway. Her reappearance doesn’t add anything to the episode. Unnecessary.

Kol’s death kinda sucked. When he had Jeremy all strapped down and ready to amputate, he even promised to use his blood to heal Jeremy after the limb-removal. Sure, it was just so he wouldn’t get burdened with the Hunter’s Curse, but he seemed pretty genuine in his offer. We have lost a gentleman, sirs.

The resulting growth of the tattoo also means Elena was right in her guess last episode. Stop letting Elena be right, people. God.

Klaus and Damon’s girl time produces nothing of interest. Wasteful.

Oh, and continuing her “dumb cunt ex-girlfriend” behaviour from last week, Elena gets the shits when she finds out that Rebeka and Stefan are fucking (and could even be a teensy bit serious). Fucking fuck off you jealous piece of shit. You broke up! Be mature. Season 1 Elena wouldn’t have been this obliviously dickish. Fuck.

Reasons to watch:

Kol’s death means the plot now has a chance to leap forward. No more mucking around with that tattoo crap. Let’s go get that cure (and Silas).

Stefan and Rebeka’s plot is pretty sweet. Even though his motive was to scam the dagger from her, Stefan does care about Rebeka. I’m actually ashamed at how much I’m shipping these two. I’ve been on the Internet too long, obviously.

Rebeka got some vulnerability in this episode. She just wants to be human so she can have kids and live a full, mortal life. So Lord of the Rings.

And even though she was willing to let Kol die for it, she’s still appropriately distraught at the death of her brother. She’s deep, man.

Klaus’ reaction to Kol’s death is much more fantastic. Think blind rage. He just wanted to dagger him, not kill him. Klaus even admits he doesn’t care about his stupid hybrids anymore. He just wants to find the cure so he can destroy it. Looks like it’s time for omnicidal-maniac-Klaus to take over from wet-pussy-romantic-Klaus. Good.

Speaking of wet-pussy-romantic-Klaus, Damon makes a stinging point about how he thinks Klaus is afraid Caroline won’t be able to forgive him for murdering Carol Lockwood. Fair.

Jeremy involuntarily tries to stake Abby. I lol’d. Also, could he please?

Bonnie’s dad does something smart for a change and puts vervain into Mystic Falls’ water supply. Good one.

Not to let Damon make all the wise cracks, Klaus picks up best line this episode with this entirely accurate remark about Elena: “How is it that she manages to overlook every horrible thing you’ve ever done?” Your answer, please, Elena. That’d be nice.

Kol slips into the second best line position when mocking Elena’s aversion to killing people: “Or are you one of those Mary Sue vampires?” Elena being explicitly called a Mary Sue? This is surely too good to be true.

I lol’d when Bonnie’s parents chloroform’d her.

Bonnie’s defiant continuation of using expression is keeping on track for her evil descent. It’s progress, is what I’m saying.

Stefan and Damon have an adorably pathetic cat fight over Elena near the end of the episode.

Oh, and even though it is cruelly cut down, the 80s dance has a couple of tunes and some cool decorations (99 Red Balloons. So fetch).

The Vampire Diaries 80s decade dance Stefan Rebeka

Getting dance-blocked is really frustrating. No wonder Rebeka is so pissed off all the time.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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