TV Review: Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 17

Pretty Little Liars Toby Alison juvie kiss

Also, since when was Toby in a late 90s boy band?

For all those who thought the revelation of Toby being A to Spencer would signal a rapid, compelling pace for PLL, I have news for you:

Sit the fuck back down because Spencer’s gonna milk that shit by not telling anyone about it.

I thought the writers had accidentally thought they were writing for Aria for a minute there.

TL;DR Nothing really  happens. Except for the return of the Ezra baby mama drama. And Alison might have been pregnant.

It’s babies all over this shit. Jesus.

So Aria, having resolved her crap with Meredith/Byron, finds herself resolving another thing she’s been putting off forever when A forces the revelation of Ezra’s paternity to him. He freaks out and leaves Rosewood to see his son.

Spencer just mopes around looking like a slapped vagina most of the time. She does unwittingly reveal the baby sitch to Ezra (A is tricky, yo), but apart from that she just wallows in self pity. And although she doesn’t tell anyone about Toby, she does hire a private investigator to find out what the A-Key is for.

Emily receives a box of cards/letters she sent to Ali. They came from not-Cousin‘s family. Included is a note-writing exchange between Alison and Cece, talking about a boy called “Beach Hottie.” Yada yada yada, it might be Toby or Wilden and they might have gotten her pregnant and might have killed her. We also find out that Alison confronted Toby when he was in juvie and accused him of being A, which he denied at the time.

It’s another low-effort episode for Hanna. The only notable thing she does is tail Paige (having figured out she and Caleb are working against Mona) to a lesbian bar, where she sees Paige hooking up with some black chick. She then gets arrested for underage drinking, and Ashley tells her to stop stirring shit up.

Hey, Ashley is back. I can stop complaining about that now. Aww.

Okay, so you probably shouldn’t be surprised that I’m not happy about the Ezra baby stuff returning. I knew it was inevitable, but it was a good run, you know? There’s a little part of me that was kinda praying the writers would just totally Glee it and forget about that plot point. No such luck.

But Spencer actually holds the honour of being the most frustrating piece of shit this episode. The plot could actually get seriously moving if she outed Toby as A. But no. PLL decides this is one of those times the ordinarily stoic Spencer has to puss out and spend the whole episode crying like a bitch. Just talk to your friends! Fuck!

Why I hate this episode:

Having to be constantly tear-stained also makes Spencer look like crap. See you next week. Hopefully you’ll have brushed your fucking hair by then.

She also has multiple emo rants. The main offender would be her big “I want to be punished” fit at Aria who has come over to absolve her of any guilt RE spilling the baby secret to Ezra. Aria knows A tricked Spencer into it, but Spencer’s all “Nuuu, hurt me. Be mad. Make me feel bad. Where are my razor blades and noose?” Ugh, get over yourself.

She also has a fantastically teen reaction when storming out of class. Something along the lines of “Boo, school bad. Me hate it here. Hormones!” Ella is rightfully dumbfounded.

Although she seems to be embracing her honestly, Aria again decides there’s something to hide: she refuses to let anyone tell Spencer about Byron seeing Melissa the night Alison died. And she was doing so well, too.

Ashley asks Hanna how things are going with Mona back at school. Hanna says she’s handling it, but when Ashley tries to offer some reasonable help (getting Mona moved out of their mutual classes), Hanna is a rude bitch to her. Ain’t nobody gonna be rude to mah Ashley for no reason.

The fact that not-Cousin’s family sent Emily a random box of plot devices is fucking bizarre. I thought we were done with him. Could it be more obvious that PLL is desperately trying to find ways to keep the plot moving? Here’s a thought: have Spencer out Toby!

The girls also seemed to have suddenly remembered that Cece exists. Awkward.

Paige appears to be cheating on Emily. I don’t particularly mind seeing Emily hurt, but it sucks that Paige is a two-timing skank. I thought we had something special?

Oh, and Ezra comes to be understanding of Aria’s betrayal of him because Maggie asked her to keep quiet. Grow a spine, dude.

Reasons to watch:

Buuuut, he does appear to be leaving her. When he gets in his car to go see Maggie and the baby, although he says an apparently run-of-the-mill goodbye, he cries while facing away from Aria. I don’t care if I have to reach for it, any indication that Ezra and Aria might be broken up is good enough for me.

We learn a bit more about Alison from flashbacks. She went to see Toby when he was in juvie and accused him of being A. She seems honestly upset, and even plays the “Why just me?” card, angrily proclaiming that the other girls were there on the night of the accident and that if he’s gonna harass her, he should harass them, too.

Also, according to Cece (who is about as reliable as Blake Lively’s acting talent), Alison was impregnated by Beach Hottie, and she believes he’d kill her if he found out. Ooh.

The current suspects for the identity of Beach Hottie are Toby and Wilden (Douche Cop). Juicy.

Speaking of Wilden, he speaks to Emily’s mum (who is working at the police station now, apparently) and says he sympathises with Emily (who is suffering from her self-defense killing of not-Cousin) because he, too, has killed someone. Ooh oooooh.

It turns out Caleb is the one who cow-brain-pranked Mona. I lol’d.

Best line goes to Hanna. She’s talking with Aria about being suspicious of Caleb, and is none too impressed with her advice:
Aria: “Why don’t you just ask him and be honest?”
Hanna: “Wow, that’s like the world’s fattest man giving dieting tips.”

Ashley gets second best line, with this enquiry following Hanna’s arrest at the lesbian bar: “What’s a ‘pink drink?’ Is it something gay?” Oh, Ashley if only. Can you think of the shipping possiblities? Sigh.

Spencer makes a decent point (though it is smothered in self-pity and wangst) about how A’s constant assault on the Liars is due to their, well, lying. If they just didn’t keep lying then A would have no ammo. True.

Spencer also has an outburst earlier where she questions why they should even give a fuck about what happened to Alison. Considering none of them (except Emily) really have positive memories of her, it’s a pretty fair point.

Emily makes the smartest move by a Liar yet when she takes the Alison notes to the police so they can track down the Beach Hottie lead (though it comes undone a bit when they realise Wilden himself could be him).

Oh, and an angry lesbian calls Hanna a “peroxide piece of trash” before throwing a drink on her for dancing with her girlfriend. Her hot black girlfriend. Even when dressed like shit, Hanna still picks up.

Pretty Little Liars Hanna lesbian bar drink thrown in face

That’s what you get for wearing sub-par attire to a lesbian bar. They’re worse than gay guys, really.


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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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