TV Review: The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 11

Stefan and Rebeka hook up.

You can all go home. TVD has won television.

At least until we get some Liar-on-Liar action on PLL. Or at least some Mona on Hanna. You know she’s crazy enough to go for it.

TL;DR Jeremy is way too much of a pussy, Stefan is a bit of a badass, Rebeka is a hot skank, and Elena is a wet blanket. So a bit better than usual.

What happened to homicidal Jeremy? I liked that guy.

So, continuing on from last episode, Jeremy is faced with a tough decision to kill a bunch of newly-turned (by Klaus. Keep up) vampries to grow the tattoo. Clearly he’s been learning from his big sister, because he runs away like a little bitch. Luckily, his indecision is rewarded (just like Elena’s usually is. Conspiracy!) when Kol steps in and murders them all. Then he compels Damon to kill Jeremy. He doesn’t, obviously. Meanwhile, Rebeka and Stefan get their partnership underway by trying to track down Silas’ headstone, which Shane has in his office. They do. Then they have sex. Meanwhile, Shane is arrested for murdering the Founders’ Council. Bonnie flip flops between trusting and not trusting him, eventually tapping into her evil side. Even though Shane admits he’s totes a murderer, Bonnie’s dad thinks he should stick around to keep Bonnie in check.

That’s some good parenting.

The most glaring problem with this episode is unfortunately born from a single line of dialogue that Kol delivers during his compulsion of Damon. Worse, it wasn’t really necessary and its contradiction is embarrasssingly distracting.

Kol uses his original>ordinary vampire compulsion to give Damon orders to kill Jeremy. During this, though, he says that Damon will not remember anything Kol says. He will just have the pressing urge to murder Jeremy.

But of course, Damon needs to be able to alert everyone to what’s happening so he can be stopped (and he obviously needs to spew an endless stream of Damon-isms, ranting about the situation), so Damon’s like “Ooh deary, I totally know what’s happening event though it completely conflicts with the exact wording of the compulsion. Fiddle dee doo! Run, Jeremy.”

The only saving grace of this pathetic stumble is when Elena tries to use the power of love to break the compulsion altogether. It fails.

Why I hate this episode:

The Gilbert family needs to go to some “How to make yourself more assertive and stop running away from all your problems until the plot magically twists itself to your exact specifications” seminars or something. This shit is getting ridic. Maybe if the universe didn’t always help them out, then they’d be more motivated.

I’m also giving Bonnie some hefty demerit points this episode. She outright states multiple times that she thinks Shane is crazy and doesn’t trust him. Particularly after he admits that he did mass murder 12 people, and then says it’s okay because they’ll be brought back to life by an evil, ancient, vampire-curing monster. She’s about to walk out on him and then he’s like “Ey bitch, you wanna hear about yo’ granny, gurl? I gotz the deetz.” And Bonnie’s like “Oh, coolness. I think I should keep practicing expression with you too. Lolz.”

This isn’t helped by Bonnie’s father, who knows exactly what Shane did, suggesting she let him keep training her for her own good. What the actual fuck, dude? Con. Trived.

Rebeka almost gets invinci-staked by Kol. Rude.

Elena, who loves having and eating her cake so much she should move into a bakery, bitches at Stefan for getting it on with Rebeka. Cunt, you slagged him off so bad last episode that he wanted to forget you forever. And you’re dating and fucking his brother. You need to back the fuck off. I can’t believe I was in your corner last week when you were getting chewed out for being insensitive. Why do I give you any chances?

Oh, and to really drive home just how inconsistent compulsion is when it comes to plot pandering for our main characters, a nameless extra gets interrogated by Rebeka and Stefan when he tries to raid Shane’s office for the headstone. Instead of answering any of her questions, he bites his own tongue off and cuts his own throat out. To be fair, Rebeka and Stefan only guess that it’s compulsion, but if it is, it just makes Damon’s “Oh, I can fight some of it off because I’m the main character” bullshit even more obscene.

Reasons to watch:

Speaking of that guy, and as a continuation of Rebeka and Stefan’s alliance last episode, Rebeka names each “team” that’s in competition for Silas/the cure. There’s her team (her and Stefan), Team Shane (Shane and Bonnie), and Team Klaus (Klaus, and by extension of his tattoo plan, Jeremy, Damon and Elena, I guess). Mr Tongue-biter, by Rebeka’s deduction, must be working for a 4th and currently unknown party. Juicy.

Rebeka and Stefan hooking up is satisfying. Stefan can finally act out all those Caroline fantasies. Because all blonde women are the same, right? #casualmisogyny

A few characters get some choice moments this week. Jeremy kicks us off by calling Klaus a “dick” to his face. Meow.

Matt calls out Elena on how fantastically irresponsible it was to leave Jeremy with Damon in the first place (Matt has been attacked by a few of the bar vampires, FYI). He says she’s changed and the pre-sire bond Elena wouldn’t have been such a dumbass. He’s right.

And Kol is actually very clever twice (snaps for Kol). Realising that simply killing Jeremy would smack him with the Hunter’s Curse, he posits that he shoud just rip Jeremy’s arms off instead. Clever girl. And after Klaus demands he leave Jeremy alone (at Elena’s request), Kol plays the exact words card and says he won’t touch Jeremy. He’ll just compel Damon to, instead. Trollol.

Rebeka calls Kol out on his wordplay, too. Because she’s a sharp bitch.

Elena has to call in Stefan and Rebeka to help protect Jeremy from Damon. I lol’d.

Best line goes to Rebeka (duh) when she receives the call. Elena rings Stefan’s phone, but Rebeka answers:
Elena: “What did you do to Stefan?”
Rebeka: “Rescued him from his old, dull life. But it keeps calling.”
Elena gon’ need some ice, son.

Elena figures (though without much of a source to go on, so it might not work) that killing an original vampire should satisfy the kill count for the tattoo, as every vampire they’ve turned (and they’ve turned and they’ve turned etc. You get it) would die. She wants him to kill Kol. We’ll see.

And Bonnie, although doing it in the fucking dumbest way possible, is making some great progress on her scenic route trip to the dark side. Which means we’re hopefully closer to seeing her die.

The Vampire Diaries Bonnie evil intense out of control

Or just trying to pretend she’s not a teensy bit embarrassed about this. Those eyebrows. Why?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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