TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 12

Once Upon a Time Dr Whale Frankenstein suicide jump

Nobody will miss you.

You know who we really need to have another entire episode devoted to? Whalenstein.

He really wasn’t totally incongruous and fucking bizarre the first time ’round at all.

Where would we be without sarcasm?

TL;DR Whale/Frankenstein suffers a breathtaking amount of wangst. And Regina and Cora get along for some reason.

What?

The Storybrooke plot sees the driver of the car that hit Hook being taken to the hospital. Our main characters mill around, waiting for him to wake up. But Whale has to perform the surgery, and is being a little bitch for some reason. Blah blah blah he eventually comes around and Driver is fine. But he totally saw Gold with that fireball and looks set to out Storybrooke. Meanwhile, Gold mopes about how Belle has forgotten him, and Cora meets with Regina. It goes bizarrely well. Back in flashback, Dr Frankenstein manages to revive his killed brother (with a little help from Rumple), but he comes back a bit iffy. Their father is unimpressed/killed by the brother. Frankenstein vows to stick by his bro.

The major issue with this episode is the exact same one I had last episode: it’s completely unnecessary. We don’t need another episode for Whalenstein. We get it.

There are 2 other components to making this episode shit, too. 1) The flashback “action” is so intolerably dull. 2) We have to pretend (again) that fucking Frankenstein belongs in a show about fairy tales. Oh my fucking god.

At least Driver might be moving the plot forward.

Why I hate this episode:

I don’t care about Whalenstein’s emotional baggage. The plot even hilariously ends up with Whale about to commit suicide. Can you say “forced?”

The characters in the flashbacks have zero personality. The brother is more articulate and profound as a near-mute monster than his human form. He seriously just walks around until he gets arbitrarily shot and killed for no reason. The father is almost as bad. He definitely preferences the brother over Frankenstein. Even when he’s shown proof that the resurrection procedure works, he’s like “Meh, your brother isn’t exactly the same as he was before. I don’t care if he was dead. If bringing the dead back to life isn’t 100% perfect the first time it’s attempted, then you’re a huge failure in my book.” I don’t care what happens to these people.

Regina and Cora’s interaction makes no sense at all. Cora is the epitome of obviously evil and Regina even explicitly says she knew she did the whole fake Hopper murder thing to destroy her. Then Cora’s like “But I’m your mother and I’m, like, so sorry and not being evil right now for reals,” and Regina’s like “Cool. Let’s take you to Emma so we can explain that I’m not a murderer and that you totally are. You’re fine with that, right?” What the actual fuck?

In an attempt to jump-start Belle’s memories, Gold brings her the chipped teacup (they remembered!). She gets frustrated at him and smashes it. Bitch.

Gold makes an admittedly good point about how if Driver did see the fireball then he could expose Storybrooke, and they should therefore let him die. Everyone considers it. These are our protagonists, people.

Emma must have realised she hasn’t grossly fucked up her job as sheriff for a while and lets Driver off with a warning for hitting someone with his car while texting. Oh, you.

Oh, and seriously, even the characters complain about how Frankenstein isn’t a fairy tale and doesn’t make sense to be there. When fucking Henry is pointing this shit out, you know you’ve got a problem.

Reasons to watch:

Gold’s failure to rekindle Belle’s memories is pretty sad.

His subplot actually turns out to be the most valuable. Cora gives him the tools to find his son in exchange for helping her find Regina. He uses some magic globe thing he gives her to get his location. But he’s not going out there alone. He finally calls in the favour Emma owes him way back from episode 4 of season 1 to force her to join him. Continuity matters.

Snow has a rare moment of compassion for Regina. She is surprised to learn about the whole “Daniel being resurrected” drama and seems to maybe care about Regina for half a second. Our girl’s making progress.

Hook is very proud of himself about shooting Belle. He also looks much better with a few dozen layers of that guyliner wiped off.

Cora disguises herself as Henry to gain entrance to Regina’s secret hideaway. I lol’d.

Frankenstein’s brother beats their father to death after he insults and attacks Frankenstein. I approve.

Red makes a suprisingly reflective comment about the possible benefits of the curse. After saving Whale from killing himself they have a D&M about their pain/loss. Red says maybe the curse was actually not so bad because it made them forget the terrible things in their past. Clever girl.

Red also picks up second best line during their conversation, with this flat explanation of her past pain: “I ate my boyfriend.” She sure did.

Best line goes to Regina when she’s offhandedly describing who she will take Cora to: “Emma and Henry the the 2 idiots.” The 2 idiots being Snow and David. Tee hee.

Driver’s ring tone is a Star Wars song.

Driver lies to Emma about not seeing anything, and totally calls someone and spills that shit. Plot momentum!

Oh, and Cora seems bemused by these modern day carriages we call “cars.”

Once Upon a Time Cora Regina car

Tryna catch me ridin’ Hershey.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 12”

  1. shanecarlhall says :

    I hate that just because Belle lost her memory, she’s now a shrieking, unreasonable basket case to Gold. I get that she was in pain and confused, but she saw and felt Gold heal her wound with his hand and repeatedly tell her she was safe. In her first ever appearance she bravely sacrificed herself to a crocodile man, without hesitation, but take away her memories and she’s this limp terrified girl screaming, throwing shit, and begging hospital workers for help?

    Another way to wedge more drama between Rumple and Belle, I guess. If Rumple still looked like a monster when she lost her memories maybe I’d buy it.

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