TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 11

Revenge Emily Nolan Aiden

“If only we did some actual Revenge-ing, instead of just looking amazing.”

A decision has finally been made. One which I will probably have forgotten about completely by next week, but hey, let’s imagine for a second.

I will continue covering Revenge. But as soon as I run into 1 episode where I really hate how boring, arbitrary, soft and pointless the shows has become (more than usual, obv), then I’m pulling the plug.

I live on the edge.

TL;DR Luckily, this episode features a fake kidnapping, knockout gas in an elevator, and Ashley’s ballsy return. 

People don’t say ballsy enough.

Alright, so this episode has a bit going on. Helen wants Daniel to invest in some company called Stonehaven. Victoria catches wind of this so manipulates some old rival of Conrad’s to spoil the deal. She also continues to “work with” Emily to get her and Daniel back together. Meanwhile, Emily and BritBrit are trying to get closer to Helen, so Emily fake kidnaps her and BritBrit at a charity auction and fake interrogates them until BritBrit fake kills her (she’s masked and voice-modded, btw). So Helen trusts BritBrit or something. Meanwhile, Nolan finds proof Marco sold him out to Daniel, so fires him. Ashley gets Conrad to re-hire her through blackmail. Amanda and Charlotte use Conrad to bail Jack out of jail. And Accountant is revealed to be working for Helen/The Initiative.

But yet again, I can’t shake this all-devouring sense of dullness. I think it’s because everyone is so super cool all the time that nothing appears meaningful to anyone, ever. The characters are too good at their facades. And that’s not a compliment.

I’m gonna have to single out the bar drama as the worst aspect of the episode again. I really fucking don’t care about who owns some shitty bar. It doesn’t matter! God.

Why I hate this episode:

Amanda almost takes care of the situation, too (Amanda style). She buys a gun and is about to pull it on one of the Ryans when Ashley interrupts to show Jack has been released from jail. Just let Amanda kill them and be done with it. It really would solve everything. Is Klaus from TVD writing this show? Just kill them already!

The Marco drama doesn’t go anywhere or prove anything worthwhile. It’s pretty much just a wank-fest to give Nolan some emotional development. Which sucks, because Nolan is much better when he’s our tech-savvy, catch-all sidekick. I don’t give half a fuck about his laughably forced love triangle. Double demerit points for his lovers also being his employees, so that’s some bullshit business blah blah in there, too. Awful.

Also, Accountant apparently went somewhere at some point, because Nolan’s like “Yay, you’re back.” Shows how little I pay attention to her.

BritBrit is still massively sulking over Emily’s scheme to get together with Daniel. Why does his badassery have to be tainted with the smelly skidmarks of cookie-cutter jealousy plotting? You know it’s not real, dude. Relax.

Victoria is still oblivious to how unimportant her “scheming’ is. Cringe.

Amanda and Charlotte get a couple of scenes together. Both my favourite, plot-vital characters together at last.

When all hope looks lost, Declan makes some supposedly tough sounding speech to Charlotte about not going down to the Ryans without a fight. Connor Paolo cannot pull this off. Maybe when he hits puberty sometime in the next 40 years.

Oh, and during the charity auction, Daniel pays $1 million for a bottle of wine. I am clearly able to relate to these people and their struggles. I am so understanding of and invested in their plight.

Reasons to watch:

The bottle of wine turns out to have gone bad and Daniel and Emily fall victim to its disgustingness. I’d still drink it.

Also, when Daniel makes his bet, it reminded me of Dr Evil. Which is definitely a good thing.

I was a bit worried Ashley wouldn’t come back. I’m glad she is. And not even embarrassed or bothered about her slutty indiscretions. She’s like a British Ke$ha, though slightly less drunk. And probably more hygienic.

The opening scene is BritBrit walking away dramatically, gun in hand, from a bleeding, balaclava’d body with Emily’s infinity tattoo. Intrigue!

The whole kidnap/interrogation thing is pretty cute. Emily gasses Helen and BritBrit when they’re in a lift, then ties them up with hoods over their heads in some warehouse thing. BritBrit fake breaks free and fake shoots her. Then fucking Nolan comes in as a second kidnapper and has a shootout with BritBrit while he and Helen “escape.” Should I be surprised that Nolan would jump at the chance to do theatre?

Before being persuaded by Ashley to help Amanda because it would be good for his impending political campaign, Conrad very brutally rebuffs her and Charlotte’s appeal for help. He basically tells Amanda to fuck off like the piece of trash she is. If only Emily had done that so long ago.

And his eventual aid is purely (and he is not shy about admitting it) for personal gain. Conrad just keeps being fabulous.

Best line goes to BritBrit, with a James Bond impression to Nolan: “So, what have you got for us today, Q?” Revenge really should have more gadgets. DAE dolphin camera? Ikr.

Nolan is seen playing Tetris at work. So like us.

Accountant’s reveal means I might actually start remembering her when she’s on screen. It’s not gonna be easy.

Oh, and Victoria does manage to use her 40% plastic wiles to trick Conrad’s old rival into mucking up the Stonehaven deal. She’s still got (bought?) it.

Revenge Daniel wine

Don’t worry, Daniel. PLL is on tomorrow and TVD is back this week, so the aftertaste will be washed away soon.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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