TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 10

American Horror Story Jude Judy Martin Jessica Lange sing musical

I like to mix it up a little.

How did I live without you, American Horror Story?

I will probably immediately pass it over once I get my doses of Once Upon a Time and PLL when they return this week, but believe me, at this very moment, American Horror Story is my favourite show on right now.

Because it doesn’t give a fuck. Just like me.

Am I an Internet badass yet? With lines like that? Come on, I’m trying.

TL;DR 2 main characters fucking die this episode. It doesn’t get much more fantastic than that.

I ain’t shittin’ ya.

So we’re back after last episode‘s mess of mindfuckery. Kit survived his almost-death, but Cromwell isn’t telling him that Frenchie is well and truly back (and well and truly pregnant). Pepper (yo) has also been gifted intelligence from the (maybe) aliens and is serving as Frenchie’s midwife/protector. Meanwhile, Lange undergoes some serious treatment at the hands of Skitty. Skitty turns the electro shock juice all the way up and fries Lange’s brain, leading to a scrumptious musical number (pictured above). Lange’s mind does seem to come back to her just enough to tell Mother Superior to help free Lana. Speaking of Lana, Quinto has been hired by Skitty full time. He promises not to harm Lana until their child is finished breasteeding (he’s a fan). He then stumbles upon Frenchie giving birth (to Kit’s baby, natch) and threatens it in exchange for Kit’s co-operation in destroying the recording of his confession. Luckily, Lana intercepts and shuts him down. Meanwhile, Fiennes survives his crucifixion and sees the demonically-possessed light RE: Skitty. Naturally he fucks her. Then throws her over a third floor railing to her death. Distraught by all the atrocity he’s seen (you’d think a Nazi mutilation-specialist war criminal would have a better constitution), Cromwell joins Skitty on the conveyor belt into the cremation oven.

2 main character deaths for the price of 1. American Horror Story has finally reached maximum efficiency.

You know, even keeping in mind that it’s a short season order and there is no intended 2nd season, this show really doesn’t pull any punches. I mean, where else could you kill 2 main characters (including James Cromwell) and it not be a completely over-the-top, sweeps-week-esque bombshell stunt? It’s contextually appropriate and doesn’t overshadow the rest of the episode. Well done.

On the other hand, Lange’s brain drain is an obvious device to cool down her plot and character development while we focus on other characters. Even when it’s necessary, plot pandering is still grating. Especially when it’s the best character and actress on the show who’s slapped with it.

Why I hate this episode:

Cromwell doesn’t come away from the episode unscathed by the writers’ pen of contrivance, either. Although his investment in Skitty’s purity, and his grief at her corruption, have been integral parts of his character, I didn’t buy for a second that he would send himself into a cremation oven in a moment of despair. I mean, really? That was the best way he could think of killing himself? Bullshit. And I’m still not convinced by his relationship to Skitty. Never bought it. No emotional investment in his death from me, yo.

When Pepper does her whole “I was sent to protect Frenchie” spiel to Cromwell she makes it very clear that Frenchie’s safety is, like, totes serial. Even using telekinesis on his ass. But when Quinto stumbles upon her and Frenchie later and openly threatens them in front of Kit, Pepper doesn’t do or say shit. Fuckin’ worst guardian ever.

Fiennes succumbs to Skitty’s sexual advances far too easily. He tries to exorcise her then she flips her devil shit and mounts him. Then he’s like “Ooh, I’m a virgin, so any sexual contact will make me forget everything that happened moments ago and allow me to knowingly put my dick in the opposite of God.” Wut?

And although it’s the most awesome thing ever, his sudden punt of Skitty over the railing comes out of fucking nowhere. I guess he just really didn’t want to call her in the morning.

Skitty’s dead and now we’ll never know why she was doing anything she was doing. I assume the devil just likes to stir shit up, but there must have been some kind of plan to her madness. Looks like we’ll never know. Or will we!?

Oh, and despite being fun as fuck, the musical sequence is blatant padding.

Reasons to watch:

However, the only thing American Horror Story needed to reach true immortality was a musical sequence starring Jessica Lange. We did it, baby.

And while she kind of just rolls around in a daze (and unfortunately ends up in a fantasy where she thinks she and Fiennes are getting married and moving to Rome. Cringe), Lange does get in 2 choice moments of lucidity. Firstly, when Fiennes goes to confide in her about his sex with Skitty, she flatly says that they need to kill her. And he does. Then later, when she’s spouting her lovey dovey stuff to Mother Superior, she looks over and sees Lana and begs Mother Superior to help free her. Let’s hope MS is as obliging as Fiennes.

Angel is back again. She tips off Fiennes to Skitty’s possession, and later we see her definitely giving ol’ Skits the kiss of death. So hopefully American Horror Story doesn’t pull a TVD (or an American Horror Story season 1) and arbitrarily bring dead characters back. Like they did with Frenchie. Oh, fuck.

Before she dies, Skitty gets to swan around and be the most fabulous bitch she’s ever been. She’s very proud of hiring Quinto full time. Cromwell witnesses her fucking Fiennes, and she takes great pleasure in his repressed jealousy. But the best moment would have to be when she’s griefing Lange during a room inspection. She pretends to find a particularly girthy cucumber (zucchini? I can never tell) and makes the relevant insinuations in front of everyone. Magnificent.

Lana doesn’t slack off, either. When she sees Lange trippin’ out after the electro shock, she takes no pleasure and is visibly upset by it. Then she completely scheme-blocks the crap out of Quinto following his threatening of Kit. Now that Lange is fucked, it’s up to you to save the day, Lana.

Best line goes to Fiennes when he has his talk with Lange: “Why didn’t I listen to you?” Exactly! At least he sorts that shit out. Hard.

Watching him pimp flip Skitty over the railing is one of 2013’s early joys. I will remember you.

Oh, and I know it’s pathetic, but Cromwell’s crematorial suicide is pretty twisted. American Horror Story always delivers.

American Horror Story Arthur Arden James Cromwell cremation suicide

Nope.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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