TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 10
I’m gonna apply the same rules to this post as I did to the PLL super-awesome-mega revelations episode:
Seriously, I post mad spoilers, bro. And this episode, the final of Gossip Girl ever, has some pretty huge-ass spoilers.
So for your own good, go fucking watch this episode before you continue reading. You will definitely regret it if you don’t.
Now, shall we?
TL;DR Embodying the best and worst of Gossip Girl, this finale is drenched with cameos, fanservice and fantastic drama. But it’s also weighed down by arbitrary plot constructs. Oh, and Kristen Bell is in it.
So the plot follows immediately on from Bart’s rooftop woopsie last episode. Chuck is, naturally, considered a prime suspect in the investigation into his death (he’s for reals dead, btw), so he and Blair go on the run. Uncle Jack shows up and suggests they get married, as Blair was the only witness to the fall and if they were married she could use spousal privilege to avoid testifying against Chuck. Smart. So they do! Jack hits up Georgina to help him organise the secret nuptials and they tie that fucking knot. Satisfaction ensues. Meanwhile, Serena reads the “nice” version of Dan’s chapter on her and they have a long talk about their relationship. Serena realises she isn’t perfect (finally!) and she still loves Dan. Other subplots include William tossing aside Ivy so he can be with Lily (it was his plan all along to remove Bart so he could get Lily back), the mini mean girls (these guys, but only 2 of them) ratting out the secret wedding to Gossip Girl and the police, and Nate and Sage’s hunt for the real Gossip Girl.
And of course, the moment you’ve been waiting for: the revelation of who Gossip Girl is.
Are you ready?
Eh, so yeah, it’s a pretty juicy revelation (I honestly thought they’d never do it), but Dan? That’s kinda disappointing. Dan isn’t sassy enough to be Gossip Girl. But still, thanks for letting us know, GG.
And this is the finale episode, so fanservice abundle comes rolling in. Once Dan publishes the final chapter of his series on the Spectator (where he reveals himself as Gossip Girl), there is a montage of former main characters and their reactions. This culminates in Kristen Bell coming on screen and doing the ol’ GG narration, then pulling back and showing she’s reading lines for an audition for the Inside film adaptation. Fucking. Perfect.
Way to show us hope now that it is truly over.
Why I hate this episode:
It spends way too much time on the Chuck/Blair on the run stuff. A lot of screentime is wasted on simply sorting the plot practicalities of the plan. This is the finale (forever!). I wanted more meaningful plots for everyone. Not just watching Jack and Georgina running around planning a wedding.
Serena goes back to Dan. I never thought there was any way they’d not end up together, but it’s still laughably ridiculous. Serena is a fickle slut and Dan is a backstabbing, walking defamation lawsuit. And all of his defaming has been against her, her family, his family, and all their friends.
The insult is compounded when everyone comes together in the final sequence for Dan and Serena’s marriage. Ugh.
Lily continues her streak of unbelievably bad “going back to previous husbands” choices by getting back together with William. Good luck with that, you shallow cunt.
Blair’s wedding dress is disappointing.
It turns out Jenny knew Dan was Gossip Girl and used to get him to post shit about her on purpose. Did we need another reason to hate her? She apparently wanted to leave New York, so instead of just, you know, leaving, she got her sexcapade with Chuck posted to Gossip Girl so Blair would banish her. Jenny logic.
Jenny also turns up for a single line in the final sequence. You can tell Taylor Momsen is fucking hating it. Good, you ungrateful shit. Get some real hair.
Lily and Rufus don’t end up together. Fuck.
Oh, and in the 5 years later part (the final sequence. Where Dan and Serena are getting married) we see Chuck and Blair’s son. I was kinda like “ew.” I don’t know why. It’s totally just me. But Blair and Chuck shouldn’t be held back by children. Gross.
Reasons to watch:
The best part of the episode is undoubtedly the reaction montage to Dan’s revelation: Lola gets the news while in a makeup chair for a movie. She’s like “seriously?” Ikr. Next is Vanessa who is totes shocked. Juliet’s like “ew.” Agnes thinks it’s fucking hilarious and calls Dan a “little bitch.” And it rounds out with Kristen Bell, who’s helping her friend Rachel “you guys still remember The OC, right?” Bilson run lines for her audition as Blair. Bonus points for Kristen saying Rachel should give up because she can’t pull off high school anymore. And Kristen winks at the camera. I came.
The other mega highlight comes when Dan is telling Serena about a time he spoke to her before she knew him. He was accidentally invited to Kati’s birthday party and they have a short exchange. But that’s not important. What’s important is that everyone has their (much better) season 1 hair. And. And. And Chuck’s scarf makes a cameo. Old friend.
Everyone makes a few remarks about who they thought Gossip Girl was before Dan revealed it was him. The most popular candidate is Dorota. Blair sums it up with second best line of the episode, exclaiming: “I always thought it was Dorota!” That would have been awesome.
Extra lols when Serena says she thought it was Rufus, and Georgina is insulted that nobody thought it was her.
Pretty much everyone gets a decent epilogue. My favourite would be the quick shot of an ad promoting a movie starring Lola and Olivia (Hilary Duff. You remember season 3, right?). Which is based on the best selling autobiography of Ivy. Fuck yeah, Ivy.
Other epilogues include Nate’s business success and budding political career, Blair’s fashion career still being on track, Rufus ending up with Lisa Loeb (season 1 callback, bitches) and, in a surprisingly sensible and awesome case of Pair the Spares, Jack and Georgina having got together. Nice.
Chuck rebuffs Blair and Jack’s suggestion that they do a city hall wedding and wants to invite all their friends and family. Very 30 Rock.
They do the vows at that fountain place (I’m Australian. I don’t know New York landmark names) where Blair read Serena her letter in early season 1. Nostalgia points.
Best line goes to Lily when William brings up the funeral arrangements for Bart: “The good news is we can do the same thing as the last time Bart died.” That’s cold, but it was perfectly timed, so well done.
Eric takes a break from being the least interesting character in Revenge to make a cameo, too.
Sage does not appear in the 5 years later segement. Implicit breakup!
Oh, and in the final sequence, Gossip Girl promises that she will live on as long as there is someone on the outside looking to get in. Just like she will live on in our superficial, materialistic, bitter hearts. Nevar forget.