TV Review: Jersey Shore Season 6 Episode 11

Jersey Shore Snooki sonogram Lorenzo

“Oh wait, it’s just holding a cigarette. Just like mummy! Aww!”

Yes, they finally go to the much-teased sonogram.

And yes, baby Lorenzo is just as mundane as any other baby in a sonogram.

Because “mundane” is the new “exciting,” according to Jersey Shore.

TL;DR The Jionni/Vinny talk fizzles. Snooki and Mike work at being friends again (finally). And there’s a moderately interesting prank.

Nothing to write home about.

So the episode starts up with the quickly-wrapped conclusion to the Jionni/Vinny man-to-man we were promised last episode. Vinny’s pretty much like “Let’s not fight,” and Jionni’s like “Okay.” Done. Mike decides (because cunt-ass Snooki is never going to) to finally try to apologise for the dickery between him and Snooks. She grudgingly accepts and they’re on track to being friends again. Snooki goes to her sonogram and is hilariously ambivalent.Paula tells Mike she still has deep feelings for him and is fast becoming a stalker ex. The girls play a prank on Deena by rigging a psychic to say her bed is cursed or something. And the boys take Jionni out to a cigar bar to grill him.

Boredom has become a recurring theme for this season. I’m honestly unsure if all of this stuff is staged. I mean, it has to be, right? But it’s just so dull. If the producers were really pulling the strings you’d think the roommates would be doing something more exciting than going tanning or riding fat-white-trash scooters on the boardwalk. It’s insulting.

If you take the other approach and assume it is real, then it’s painfully clear that everyone is trying their hardest to not do anything exciting for fear of their image. Watching Mike fucking go and apologise to Snooki for their triple-season-spanning “did they or didn’t they fuck that one time” drama is crap. He doesn’t need to do that..

Either give me some decent, scripted insanity. Or get properly drunk and punch each other in the face like you used to.

I just want someone to drink with.

Why I hate this episode:

I’d complain about the fizzling of Jionni and Vinny’s talk, but I know better than to expect anything from Jersey’s cliffhangers. But it still sucked.

I am so angry that Mike finally capitulated and went to apologise to Snooki. She’s lying! They totally hooked up. Everyone can see this. Even Jionni must know. She’s the only person in the world who’s still holding onto her terrible story. She should not be rewarded for this.

Sammi and the girls attempt a prank on the boys that immediately backfires when they get scared they’ll jump off the balcony (Sammi locked them out there). Fiz. Zle.

It sucks to see Paula devolving into a weak-willed, stalkery, jilted lover. She used to be a badass hot babe. Now she’s just any sulky hook up that some guido tossed aside. Sad.

She also asks Mike to hold her drink when they’re at the club, then gets mad when he refuses. That’s some cunt features there, bitch.

When the boys are grilling Jionni at the cigar bar they make a big, fat point about how he needs to be able to take care of Snooki financially. FFS, this again? If you didn’t click that link, I’m talking about one of the fatal flaws of Snooki and Jenni’s show, which was this awkward, constant reference to financial responsibility. Don’t treat us like we’re idiots, MTV. We know how much Snooki makes. Jionni doesn’t need to take care of her. I know we’re stupid enough to still be watching Jersey Shore as it drags its disembowelled corpse over the 6th season finish line, but give us some credit.

Oh, and Jionni fucking brings up the Italy (and the Snooki/Mike) drama. Dude, Mike had just gotten shit fixed with Snooki. Way to take 20 steps back.

Reasons to watch:

At least Mike and Snooki are starting to be friendly again. I’d had more than enough of her self-righteousness. Almost Kurt levels.

Jionni says Mike is invited to the bachelor party, so I guess that means he’s invited to the wedding? Score.

Vinny also gets an invitation to the wedding. An official one. So mature.

During his apology, there are flashblack clips spliced in of Snooki and Mike’s good times together. Dat nostalgia.

Paula looks hotter than ever this episode. When she’s at the club she’s got a headband on and is like a stripper-slut version of Blair Waldorf. I want to go to there.

Near the end of the Shore Shower, everyone has a baby bottle chugging contest. Ron wins by biting the tip off the rubber nipple. Damn, Sammi. She must be a FREAK in bed.

Vinny does some trimming of Pauly’s hair. Such a cute couple.

After Paula storms off following Mike bitching her out for handing him her drink, Deena comes over and gets the deets from Mike. And she totally agrees with him and how fucked up it is for Paula to get an alcoholic to hold her fucking drink. Deena is a true bro.

Snooki and Vinny ride their fat-white-trash scooters into the club and strut that shit on the dance floor. I lol’d.

The psychic prank is cute. Hey, Deena gets freaked out by rain. It was a guaranteed slam dunk.

Snooki asks the psychic if she gets chills in her vagina when she feels spirits. Sadly, she doesn’t.

Second best line goes to Deena once she finds out the psychic is coming: “I thought we were having a face mask night. With onesies.” Aww, Deena.

Best line goes to Mike who gets his back up pretty fast when Jionni brings up his “shit-talking” during Italy: “I wasn’t shit-talking. I was being honest.” Truer words have never.

Jionni gets pissed off about Jenni telling everyone that he doesn’t visit Snooki enough. He mentions it at the cigar bar and Vinny says Snooki has a good heart, but Jenni, not so much. Vinny burn. Surprised he didn’t hastag it with #yolo.

Oh, and Deena planks.

Jersey Shore Deena Sammi planking

Is anything about Jersey Shore still cool?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: