TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 8

Gossip Girl Chuck drinking in bed

We are one.

It’s just dawned on me that Gossip Girl really is about to be over. I mean holy shit, there are only 2 more episodes left.

I just…I don’t know how to exist in a world without Gossip Girl.

It doesn’t even make sense.

TL;DR This is the Thanksgiving episode, and mostly lives up to the pedigree of Thanksgivings past. Dan is all the way on the dark side now. And Chuck might finally defeat Bart.

Like, not having Gossip Girl in my life is not okay.

Anyway, back to this episode’s plot. Lily and Bart are going out of town for Thanksgiving, so Serena decides she and Dan should host a big-ass dinner for everyone. Little does Serena know (because Serena generally doesn’t know anything. But you knew that already) that Lily and Bart will be delayed, thus causing drama when Chuck arrives, and that Dan is totally writing a bitchy article about her. Epic drama ensues. Meanwhile, Blair shirks her Paris-bound responsibilities with her mother to jealously try to break up Dan and Serena. She calls in Sage (neither of them have learned that this will likely go awry, apparently) to coax Steven into coming and causing tension. Meanwhile, Chuck investigates the sudden death of that Bass Industries guy Nate schmoozed and tries to get Lily to believe Bart is a murderer. Which he is. And Nate is back together with Sage for some reason.

So this episode is not even close to earlier Thanksgiving triumphs (season 1 and season 3 were delicious), but I think this is as good as post-season 4 Gossip Girl is gonna get. When you’ve got Nate making an actually valuable contribution to an episode for once, you know it’s gonna be a good time.

However, that doesn’t stop the whole “Ermagherd, Dan betray-erd merrr” thing from being obscene. Serena is the master of betrayal (how many times has she arbitrarily ruined Blair?). Are we supposed to feel sympathetic towards her? I was rooting for Dan.

Why I hate this episode:

Blair’s sub plot is also ridiculous. Not only does it involve bringing fucking Steven and Sage back again (and I thought we were done with them, dammit), but it doesn’t make any sense. Even in this episode she makes it perfectly clear that she wants to be with Chuck, yet she’s going on this jealous tirade against Dan. Stop being such an Elena, Blair, and make a fucking decision.

And Serena needs to stop being such a dumbass with those two, as well. She fucking invites Blair to the dinner and convinces her not to go to Paris. She should know by now that if Blair turns down going to motherfucking Paris that easily then she’s up to something. It’s like they haven’t been pettily bickering for the past 6 years.

Dan cuts Georgina out of the loop with his article when he sends 2 versions to the editor: 1 scathing and 1 nice. He makes the right decision eventually (the scathing one) but it was obvious plot padding to give a sense of tension. And rude to not let Georgina have a look. Where would he be without her?

This is the fucking 3rd time Blair has called in Sage for a scheme. Get a clue.

The Bruce guy that Bart killed kinda came out of nowhere. The show went from “Bart did naughty oil deals” to “Bart murdered the shit out of 2 guys with his bare hands.” That escalated quickly. Also, it took me about half the episode to actually remember who Bruce was.

Steven apologises to Serena for “treating her badly.” Um, no you didn’t. Sure, Sage chose a bad time to air Serena and Dan’s sex tape, but you said it yourself: “Excuse me if I don’t take parenting advice from a woman who recorded herself having sex with her ex to get revenge on her best friend.” It’s still true. Fuck her off, bro.

When Nate and Chuck are hacking Bart’s computer, Sage gets all pouty and is like “I only came up here so we could make out. Chuck can watch lolz.” Ew.

Nate dramatically punches Dan in the face following the release of the Serena article. A little bit too The OC, imo.

Oh, and as part of the ending montage, Bart ropes Nate back in for some more help. Grow some balls, N-dizzle.

Reasons to watch:

Dan trashes the shit out of Serena. Deserved.

After being shunned (and punched), Georgina proudly explains to Dan that everyone isn’t mad at him: they’re scared of him. So. Juicy.

After Rufus scolds Dan for the article, Dan tells him that he has a plan and that’s it’s working. Extra. Juicy.

Blair and Chuck are extremely close to finally getting their shit together. Took them long enough, but it looks like it’s going to definitely happen.

Although Lily appears to initially reject Chuck once she catches wind of Bart’s murderous side, she does call Chuck up later (when she’s away from Bart) and tells him she no longer trusts her husband and is going to help Chuck bring him down. Good work, Lils.

The Steven thing actually fizzles out rather satisfyingly. Steven wants to get Serena back from Dan, but later on when Serena tries to call him (after the whole shit goes down), he ignores her call while reading the article. Can you be gone for good, now? Please?

Sage doesn’t fuck up her scheme for once. Better late than never, hey?

Nate proves himself useful by hacking Bart’s computer. Again, better late than never.

Dan reveals that he is responsible for that serendipitous, stopped lift from episode 6 that helped him and Serena rekindle their feelings. My apologies, GG writers.

Dan makes an excellent point to Serena about the hypocrisy among their friends: they all try to constantly ruin each other yet they sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and call each other family. He’s right. Especially with Serena.

Bart is impressed by Dan and hands him a business card. Villains unite!

Best line of the episode goes to Nate with this description of Chuck’s activities following his crushing defeat last episode: “All he does now is drink in bed and argue with Monkey.” What? Drinking in bed and having conversations with your dog isn’t normal? Fuck.

Blair makes a decent burn against Dan with this second-best line getter: “He is a self-promoting, hipster weasel who has thrown every single one of his friends under the bus.” Extra points for irony: she says this to Serena, who, if you remove “hipster” from that statement, is also perfectly described by it.

Chuck and Blair toast to going to war with Bart.

Oh, and the end of the episode shows Dan sitting down to write the last chapter of his story. Bring it on.

Gossip Girl Thanksgiving Nate punch Dan

Oh, Nate. You’re too pretty to be menacing. Or taken seriously in any way.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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