TV Review: Glee Season 4 Episode 7

Glee superhero club

Although, Glee is Satan’s favourite show. Next to 2 Broke Girls, obv.

So, apparently a Rapture preparedness club wasn’t retarded enough for Glee.

No, now we need a superhero club. Like a “wearing superhero costumes around school for no reason” thing.

Did Ryan Murphy break out some fucking heroin while browsing Avengers porn on 4chan?

Not that I’ve ever done that.

TL;DR What the actual fuck? Also, Blaine is pretty much the main character this episode. Fucking. Next.

I should know better than for Glee to deliver on my cautiously raised hopes following the not-train wreck last episode. Oh well.

So this episode is all about the supehero club that Blaine apparently runs and every character in the show participates in. The superhero “theme” frames most of the action this week, starting with the theft of McKinley’s Nationals trophy by the Dalton Warblers. They have a new, evil leader (not Sebastian. Gasp) named Hunter, who is not gay. That’s a first. They try and almost succeed in luring Blaine back to their team. After 3 trillion years’ worth of self-punishment and wangst, he is eventually convinced by Sam to stay. Aww. Meanwhile, Finn has trouble leading the Glee club, so in the spirit of teamwork he issues a duets task for Kitty/Marley and Jake/Blake. Jake and Blake fight (duh) and Blake ends up revealing he’s illiterate. Kitty’s plan to destroy Marley’s body confidence is still on track, but Marley seems fine. Will, Rachel and Kurt do not appear.

There are 2 amazing things about this episode: Alex isn’t in it (without explanation, either. Unless I missed something last week), and I actually lol’d IRL the hardest I have in a long time when Blake was all like “I can’t read!” Melodrama!

On the other hand, the superhero thing is fucking fucktarded as fuck. Like, seriously.

And after Blake’s revelation of his terrible secret (turns out he’s dyslexic) he has a whole spiel about living a double life and concealing the truth from everybody. Seems like a real missed opportunity for Glee to do yet another anvilicious gay Aesop. Which I’m both grateful for (because Kurt has covered this base MANY times) and disappointed in. I expect some things, Glee. Don’t betray me after all these years. Of hating you.

Why I hate this episode:

It’s pretty obvious Glee is trying to jump on the superhero bandwagon. Here are some cringe-worthy name drops they throw in so all the faux nerd girls at home can feel included:

Sam does a Bane from The Dark Knight Rises impression. Using a jock strap as the face mask. Ugh;

Finn references the Avengers when doing an abysmal job of pep talking the Glee club;

And Blaine compares his dilemma to Pyro’s from X2 when he feels he should concede his failure at McKinley and join the Warblers.

There is no comparison. Bitches, please.

Hunter’s ultimatum is fucking stupid, too. He’s like “If you come back to Dalton we’ll return your trophy.” The trophy is being kept very obviously in the Warblers’ lounge. Just, you know, tell one of the Dalton staff and they’ll give it back to you. Duh.

Blaine’s song with the Warblers was absolutely unbearable. Think Teenage Dream awkwardness multiplied by not-a-Katy-Perry-song. Excruciating doesn’t come close.

Sebastian is back but he’s not responsible for stealing the trophy. If you’re not gonna try to blind somebody, you can fuck off.

Finn gets Blake a woman to help with his reading problems. Because Glee can’t go 3 seconds without bombarding us with another very special issue.

I’m gonna do a Worst Line for this episode, because I couldn’t not bring this one up. Courtesy of Blaine, naturally: “The Warblers are my birth right and my destiny.” What. The actual. Fuck.

Oh, and Blake has to reschedule a date with Marley because he’s going to see a prominent dyslexia specialist. Kitty pretty much doesn’t even have to nudge Marley into immediately arranging a spite date with Jake. To make it clear: Marley decides to date someone else because the guy she actually wanted to date can’t turn down a rare opportunity to get a potentially life-changing consultation for a huge learning problem he has. This is our protagonist, people.

Reasons to watch:

I honestly (and I know I’m not usually honest. Trust me) laughed out loud (and loudly) when Blake said he can’t read. Thank you, Glee. Nowhere else would you get this level of absurdity. Sometimes you surprise me.

Hunter is a worthwhile addition to the Warblers. He is not gay or bisexual, which has gotta be a first for them. Although having both him and Sebastian around makes one of them redundant.

When Blaine first encounters Hunter he swivels on his chair while stroking a fluffy, white cat. You gotta appreciate the classics.

There are a couple of laughs with the superhero stuff. Sugar, clearly influenced by Bruce Wayne and Batman proclaims: “My superpower is money.”

Becky is Queen Bee, and, in her own words, she stings like a bitch.

Not to leave the bitch barrel full, Becky also picks up second best line this episode with this interruption of an argument between Jake and Blake: “Freeze, bitches!” It works.

Tina is still holding onto Finn’s betrayal of her from last episode, when he immediately passed her over to offer Santana a role in Grease. What’s this? Tina actually having a character moment? The Rapture is upon us! We should have listened to Kitty!

Blaine tells Sam about how he cheated on Kurt, and Sam pretty much completely brushes off Kurt and convinces Blaine to stop hating himself. Any time Kurt’s feelings are disregarded is a good time for me.

Tina gets best line (whaaattt??!?!) when she speaks for everyone about Blaine’s infinite sulking: “Oh, boo hoo. Get over it. It’s like a bad Lifetime movie.” Thanks, babe.

Blake gets a montage of his session with the special ed advisor. It is hilarious.

Jake calls Puck for advice on his feelings for Marley. Puck is working as one of those cheesy characters-you-take-a-photo-with in Hollywood. As The Puckerman. Good to see his entitled, jerkass spirit hasn’t waned. And he says he’s had sex with Teri Hatcher. “Desperate Housewives is still cool, right?” -Glee writers.

A random Cheerio can be seen walking past wearing a neck brace for no reason.

Alex is not in this episode. Praise.

Oh, and Kitty looks hot in her costume. Natch.

Glee Kitty Catwoman superhero costume

Writing, amirite?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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