TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 6
After watching this episode, one of my friends texted me: “I wish Rufus and Serena would do a murder/suicide pact.”
Wouldn’t it be nice?
TL;DR Serena and Dan are back together. AGAIN. Blair gets yelled at by Eleanor for being a terrible manager, and Ivy gets to smack down Ivy and betray Chuck. Not bad.
If you cut Blair and Serena out of your mind, this episode is almost enjoyable. Huh.
So Serena and Dan are trying to get back together. They face trouble when Dan overhears Serena slagging him off for publishing all those dirty secrets, but thanks to a broken lift, successfully rekindle their relationship. Blech. Meanwhile, Blair gets a well deserved bitch slap from her mum for the terrible job she’s been doing with the fashion company. When she proves unable to be civil to Nelly, Eleanor fires her ass because she can’t stop being a scheming bitch. Then Blair resolves to make clothes for her fellow scheming bitches, and Eleanor is impressed. Also, Lily spites Rufus’ art gallery opening by holding an art auction. Ivy buys the cunt out, but Lily puts up that rainbow woman painting to trump her. But Bart has hidden evidence of his oil dealings on the back of it. Rufus outbids Ivy, Lily and Chuck (who does know what’s on it) and Ivy sells it to Chuck. But she keeps the evidence. Mwaha!
So yeah, the art auction stuff is pretty fun. Gossip Girl usually does well with absurd plot lines that involve many characters colliding in one place while competing against each other.
But fuck, I don’t need the 12 billion scenes of Serena and Dan getting that lovin’ feelin’ back. I just don’t care anymore. This show has been teasing that on and off for 6 fucking seasons. It’s not quite as frustrating as Blair/Chuck, but damn.
Also, Blair sucks at fashion and business. Just stop.
Why I hate this episode:
Serena’s lack of self-awareness is breathtaking.
Dan isn’t much better. Just because you own your douchebaggery and hypocrisy doesn’t make you the good guy. I would know.
And really? You two are making it work? After all you’ve done to each other? I suppose they’re the only ones who can put up with the other’s bullshit.
Nate’s only contribution to the episode is when Chuck enlists his help to steal some secrets from a Bass Industries goon. Nate, you are irrelevant. Take your beautiful face and go. You don’t even have Sage around anymore to give you the false impression that you matter to the plot.
Bart hid his universe-destroying evidence on the back of a painting? A man who fakes his own death isn’t that much of an amateur. Come on.
Rufus gets to pretend he’s meaningful by sniping the bidding war while Lily, Ivy and Chuck are squabbling. With Ivy’s money. Oh, Rufus. You are powerless.
Serena and Dan getting stuck in the lift is absurdly unbelievable, even for Gossip Girl’s “someone heard someone say something incriminating by standing around a corner” standards. Is Fate on the VDW payroll?
Serena and Dan have sex. Ew.
When Nate’s plan to get info from the goon doesn’t work, he just takes his phone. Why is that so easy in GG land!? Georgina needs to release a PSA or something.
Oh, and Blair’s big comeback idea is to sell girls aged 16-25 outfits based on her Constance uniform. What the fuck? Eleanor goes along with it, too. Obscene.
Reasons to watch:
If you like ridiculously rich and good looking people bidding on arbitrary art out of spite, you’ve come to the right episode.
Lily and Ivy get pretty amongst it with each other, too. There is not a shred of mercy between them. Good.
Blair being able to realise how useless and crap she is at the fashion thing is an important step for her. And I love seeing her be genuinely humble. It’s rare. If only they didn’t ruin with the “ermagherd, let’s sell uniforms to teenagers. Fashion!” thing.
Dan publishes the long overdue Blair chapter. And it isn’t like the Chuck chapter: it’s rough and real. It’s actually a contributing factor to Eleanor’s disappointment in Blair for her scheming ways. Nicely done, Dan. I can always count on you to be a stupid jerk.
When Eleanor tests Blair to see if she can play nice with Nelly, Blair relapses and threatens Nelly with a photo of her from the season 2 play (where she wore a fat suit). Callback joke!
In another callback, Dan’s new mode of transport is a Vespa, which excites Serena this episode. Because on their very first date (all the way back in season 1) Serena got giddy when she thought Dan had rented them a Vespa. He hadn’t, if you’ve forgotten. Because even back then Dan was disappointing.
When Blair rages at Dan about the article, one of the threats she makes is to fly Vanessa back from whatever 3rd world country she’s in. Fucking lol.
Serena does the ol’ “bitch about somebody while they’re right behind you” routine to Dan. Hijinks!
When Nelly tries to gloat over Blair’s defeat (she witnessed her admission of being talentless and resignation) she accidentally inspires Blair to make her new line. Rookie mistake, Nelly. Never gloat before she’s totally broken.
Dan gets best line this episode, with yet another burn against Blair: “You are not mature, polite or professional.” And she admits it later. Madness!
Eleanor does her daughter proud with this admission of her own about Blair’s terrible side at Constance: “You did instil fear in the hearts of many.” Too right.
Lily tries to be imposing, but this boast against Ivy comes undone when fucking Rufus outbids her at the auction: “You can pretend to be Lola. You can pretend to be Serena. But you will never be me.” Good. Because you were outbid for your own artwork by your impoverished bogan of an ex-husband.
Oh, and once Ivy’s got her mitts on the Bart evidence, she calls Lola and suggest she make it back to the city: it’s time to take Bart, and by domino effect, Lily, down.