TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 5

American Horror Story Asylum Sarah Paulson Lana Winters scream

It’s just. So. Boring.

Well thank god for American Horror Story. After fucking Revenge and Gossip Girl, I need something to turn my mood around and prep for TVD.

And although this week’s episode ain’t no PLL-level shit, stuff does get revealed.

Bloodyface is…unmasked! (ah ha!)

TL;DR Bloodyface’s identity is discovered, Paulson escapes but it goes horribly wrong, Kit is arrested and Lange is fired from Briarcliff. Shit just got real.

And you thought Adam Levine getting killed counted as shit getting real.

So this episode has a lot going on. The Anne Frank story continues from last episode. Turns out she totally isn’t Anne Frank but actually some disturbed housewife named Charlotte who lost her shit because her baby is annoying as fuck. Cromwell recovers from his shot to the leg and gives her a lobotomy. Problem solved. Cromwell punishes Lange for believing Anne/Charlotte by getting her motherfucking fired from the asylum. So she hits a bar and has a seedy 1 night stand. Meanwhile, Kit is saved from getting sterilised, but Frenchie isn’t so lucky. Quinto finally helps Paulson escape, but once they get back to his place, she learns a horrifying truth: (spoiler alert? You’re still reading after that TL;DR. You knew I was gonna say it) Quinto is Bloodyface. Turns out he’s not trying to help Paulson, he didn’t save Frenchie from her sterilisation like he said he would, and he engineered Kit into confessing to the crimes he didn’t commit. Oh, and Skitty dumps zombified Sevigny into a school playground, and Frenchie is abducted by aliens and finds out Kit’s wife is alive (maybe).

So I was pretty surprised that Quinto turned out to be Bloodyface. I honestly didn’t suspect him at all until he made Kit tape himself saying he killed his wife during one of his “therapy” sessions this episode. Looks like all Quinto’s incompetence and being a dickhead was actually consistent with being a deranged psychopath, and not bad writing. Touché, Ryan Murphy.

I’m kinda disappointed with how the Anne Frank thing turned out, though. It was such a provocative plot setup. So it was underwhelming when it got totally negated within the first 5 minutes of the episode.

Why I hate this episode:

Cromwell gets out of all the suspicion, too. The detectives from last episode are nowhere to be found, and I guess the investiagtion will come to a halt now that the “witness” has been both proven to be nuts, and subsequently lobotomized. Lange herself goes to an old Jewish man to get more deets on Cromwell’s past as the evil Nazi doctor, but calls it off after Anne turns out to be not-Anne. Dammit.

And Cromwell hits back by getting Lange fired because Anne/Charlotte was able to procure herself a gun under Lange’s watch. What will happen to Briarcliff without Lange around to at least bring some purpose to the sadism?

Anne/Charlotte’s husband is a bit of a massive jerk. He brings her back to Briarcliff because he doesn’t trust her with their baby. Then he calmly watches as Cromwell performs a trans-orbital lobotomy on her (that’s a spike through the eye, btw). Anne/Charlotte comes out the other side as the perfect Stepford wife. Where are some militant lesbian feminists when you need them?

Kit falls for the “oh, just record yourself saying you killed women. It’s for science, I swear” routine from Quinto a little too easily. I hadn’t suspected Quinto at all up until that point, but as soon as he asked for that, I was like “nuh uh.” I suppose Kit had little reason to distrust Quinto, but still.

Oh, and Anne/Charlotte holds a gun to Cromwell’s head while she waits for Lange to see her. She does this with her back to the only door into the room. It doesn’t go well for her. Idiot.

Reasons to watch:

Quinto is one badass bastard. He has even kept Clea’s body so he can torture Paulson with it. And he’s used her teeth in the current iteration of the mask. Because sometimes pyschopathic monster physicians just need to accesorise.

Even though it pissed me off, Cromwell does an admirable job of getting his shit back together after Anne/Charlotte almost blows his whole operation. He gets Lange fired and thanks to Skitty there’s no evidence of his zombie shenanigans at Briarcliff. He caps it off by lobotomizing poor Anne/Charlotte. He’s on top of that shit.

Skitty may not be as loyal as he thinks, though. She dumped Sevigny at a childrens’ playground. And they discover her. Will this be traced back to Cromwell?

Frenchie gets abducted by aliens and Alma (Kit’s wife) speaks to her during it. Maybe she’s alive? We see a quick shot of Frenchie getting sliced across her abdomen, so maybe the aliens have taken/implanted something, and her blood when Kit discovers her later might not be from the sterilisation after all. Ongoing plot!

Even though it doesn’t end well, Quinto does a good job of springing Paulson. The first successful thing he’s done. Before the humongous villainy, of course.

Frank the security guard expresses his sympathy for Lange when she tells him she’s been fired. He even says that the world wasn’t ready for a strong woman like her. Aww.

The final shot of the episode is a pan in on one of Anne/Charlotte’s research photos in her home. Guess who is in the row of Nazis? It’s Cromwell. You don’t have to guess.

Oh, and Lange gets her hussy on and goes to a bar. She totally has sex. Watch out Barabara Hershey, Jessica Lange has still got it.


American Horror Story Asylum Sister Jude Jessica Lange sexy

Smoking and Madonna are number 2 and 4 on my “Things that I love but will make you look retarded” list. Complaining about TV shows on the Internet is number 1, natch.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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