TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 7

Once Upon a Time Billy Ruby Red bisect killed dumpster

…you wouldn’t have been murdered by Alan Dale. Dude was old when he was in The OC. And just knowing that show existed makes me feel old.

Well, it’s finally happened. The first sign of the apocalypse:

David is actually semi-competent at something other than being a pussy-whipped idiot.

Better prep for the rapture.

TL;DR Ruby/Red drama about being a murderous werewolf. Suprisingly tolerable. And Alan Dale destroys the portal hat. Gasp!

If only there was magic in Storybrooke so Jefferson could simply make another one! Oh.

So the plot this episode starts with the dwarves finding magic crystals which Blue Bitch/Head Nun says can be easily refined into fairy dust. Amid the celebrations, Alan Dale confronts David about how he wants to get vengeance on him. He uses Ruby’s unfortunately timed transformation to pin the murder of a minor character (some mouse named Billy or some shit) on her, thus forcing David to defend her, thus forcing him to look like he’s doing a bad job (which he has up until this episode). A lynch mob ensues. But David manages to prove Ruby’s innocence (and Dale’s guilt), but not before Dale burns the portal hat. Meanwhile, in fairy tale flashback, we see Red and Snow on the run from the Queen’s guards when Red stumbles upon a pack of fellow werewolves. Her mum (whom Granny told her was dead) is one of them. But Mama turns out to be a human-hating psychopath, so Red accidentally kills her while protecting Snow. Aww. And Henry is given a magical necklace by Gold to help his nightmares.

Once Upon a Time is like the anti-Revenge: the characters are all pathetically one-dimensional, but at least they always have something going on.

But to be fair, a lot of it is meaningless filler. The flashback stuff with Red is hilariously inconsequential. By the time the episode is over both of the named characters she meets are dead (her mum and some guy called Quinn). The rest of the werewolves just disappear. She literally buries her mother, then continues on with Snow without their journey having been impacted at all. The fact that Ruby has never mentioned her mother (or the fact that Granny lied to her) before just proves that it didn’t mean anything.

Unless they’re trying to retcon. Which is so much better.

It isn’t.

But hey, at least David gets to be useful for once in his life. Emma best watch herself.

Why I hate this episode:

Red’s mum turns out to be a fucking bitch. “Blarg, humans bad. Bring death to wolves. Solution must be to just kill all humans.” Has she been taking motivation lessons from Bender?

The mouse guy who gets killed is black. It’s a tradition, now.

We get to see Henry’s nightmare. He’s on a disco dancefloor and there’s crap CGI fire everywhere. Nowhere near as creepy as he made it out to be. Little pussy.

Regina takes him to Gold to find a solution. He gives him a magical necklace that will let him lucid dream (and it works, too) but does it free of charge. Regina accepts. Bitch, you know better than that. Goddamn. How does any character in this show still trust Gold/Rumple at all? Fuck.

Storybrooke is apparently just itching to rally a lynch mob. Dale gets one together with zero effort. I guess minor fairy tale characters aren’t too bright or compassionate. Have they learned nothing from their own tales?

Before organising his lynch mob, Dale comes to the sheriff’s office and asks for Ruby. David does his best big boy impression and uses, I shit you not, the ol’ “You’ll have to go through me” line. Oh, David, You are a fucking disgrace of a main character.

Ruby comes off as a bit of a martyr (has she been watching TVD?) when she gets all upset because she thinks she killed someone. Bitch, you’re a motherfucking werewolf. Shit’s gonna happen. Deal with it.

The CGI wolves are a bit hit and miss. More miss.

Oh, and David loses his shit when Dale burns the hat. Umm, if I recall correctly, the only reason Jefferson was unable to make a working portal hat was because there was no magic in Storybrooke. Well, there is now. Why don’t you just go hit Jefferson up for a new one? Jefferson is still around, right?

Reasons to watch:

David gets his act together and contributes to the wellbeing of Storybrooke by successfully proving Ruby’s innocence, calming her from hurting anybody, and punching Dale in the face. It’s about time he caught a break.

Henry manages to be plot relevant without vomiting exposition and wangst everywhere. Props. And he is able to communicate with Sleeping Beauty through their shared dream. Possibilities!

They found fairy dust! Progress!

Granny makes an offhand remark about how having werewolf super-hearing is not a good time when you run a hotel. Stealth sex joke points.

Although he is foiled, Dale is pretty badass in his scheme. Not only does he bisect an innocent black man with an axe, but he gets together a lynch mob that is totally ready to kill a bitch. Evil is efficient.

Red’s mum is Dr Sullivan from PLL. Yeah, that’s right. I recognise faces. My endless television watching pays off sometimes. But not often.

Henry’s dream causes him burns IRL. A Henry in pain is the Henry I want.

Dr Gold to the rescue with his “free” dream necklace is obviously a scheme. I’m thinking something to do with mind controlling Henry in his dream world?

Belle and Snow both prove to be good girlfriends to Ruby/Red. And she, in turn, is a villain-slaying werewolf. Girl power!

Best line goes to Dale, with this accurate (before he got his shit together, anyway) dressing down of David: “You weren’t fit to run the kingdom and you sure as hell aren’t fit to run this town!” He speaks the truth! No wonder that lynch mob assembly was so effortless.

Emma and Snow only get 1 scene and they don’t fuck it up.

Oh, and Regina is back after her absence last episode. It’s only so she can be completely powerless to do anything except run to Gold for help, but I’m happy as long as she’s around. And hopefully Henry will start warming to her. Because she’s awesome.

Once Upon a Time Henry nightmare burning room

Get it? Flaming? Disco? It’s a gay joke.


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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

4 responses to “TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 7”

  1. emily says :

    yes i love the joke ^-^ make more your hilarious i’m LMAO here!! 😀

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