TV Review: Jersey Shore Season 6 Episode 8

Jersey Shore season 6 Vinny Paula carpet surfing

Sex with Pauly: confirmed. Finally.

It looks like the Deena drunken drama train has finally come to a stop.

It was a fun ride. And it will be missed.

But as consolation, here’s Paula getting bleeped into oblivion.

Thanks, MTV!

TL;DR Deena didn’t go home, it’s okay. Mike continues to be a chauvinistic ass to Paula. Snooki continues to be irrelevant.

There’s, what, 4 episodes left? This is a gentle enough slide to the finish. Whatever.

So this episode starts out with a focus on Deena. Ronnie and Sammi manage to talk her down/air some of their grievances with her. Mama Deena does show up, but they don’t haul D away, so that’s good. Then the rest of the time is spent watching Paula be extremely unsubtle about her sex life and Mike getting increasingly frustrated by how unladylike she is. This comes to a head when Paula starts describing unusual sex poisitions to the roommates and Mike isn’t sure whether she’s just showing off her second hand knowledge, or explaining her first hand experience.

All a bit inconsequential, really.

The Mike/Paula awkwardness takes centre stage for most of the episode, but it’s so contrived. Paula’s just trying to fit in and have fun with her new boyfriend’s friends, but Mike’s too much of a pussy bitch to let her. He’d rather she sit there and not speak (he actually says this). Dude, she’s hot and your friends get along with her really well. Let her flash her ass pads and explain what The Dolphin is. Get over yourself.

The upside of this is that I enjoy Mike being made uncomfortable. And Paula is fucking funny as shit, so I’m happy to watch her embarrass him for as long as she wants.

Why I hate this episode:

If Mike was so desperate to shut Paula up he’d just haul her off to the bedroom. He appears to be laughing genuinely (and not just out of embarrassment) at her jokes. Put your pride on a shelf and just go there.

Mike also flirts his ass off in da club again. Later, during the house BBQ, he discovers that flirting with other girls in da club is apparently wrong when you’re in a relationship. I knew Mike was rude and smug, but I didn’t realise he was retarded. The more you know.

Snooki just pops up again about 15 minutes in. And again, I honestly forgot about her until she was there.

Vin renounces his celibacy when he tries to fuck some chick he meets clubbing. Weak. And she turns out to be a massive cock tease. While I’m glad that it frustrates Vinny, that’s poor form, bitch. Rude.

Sammi tells Deena that she imposes her drunken bullshit on the house too much and she’s sick of it. Deena gets all snotty and plays the “that’s how I do” card. As someone who has been (frequently) on both sides of that, I can tell you she needs to shut her shit up and stop it. It’s rude and people will resent you for it.

Plus, Deena, you should know that Sammi is extremely experienced on pushing her drunk dumbassery on people. Listen to her.

Snooki arbitrarily steals a stuffed leopard from the open cabinet of a claw game. Bitch.

Mike doubles up on his flirting at da club when he ignores Paula even when she is with him at a bar. Dick.

Oh, and ugly, boring Chris continues to be ugly and boring. His plainness is overwhelming.

Reasons to watch:

Ronnie is, like the best friend ever to Deena. During her drunken freakout he tells her that he’s sick of her just crying for no reason and implores her to actually talk to him and the roommates about why she is sad. And unlike most people who say that but don’t mean it, he actually is prepared to listen and tell her what he thinks (along with Sammi and Vinny).

And props to Sammi for being both supportive and knifing her about being sick of her shit. Sammi ain’t no fake bitch. That’s true friendship.

Ronnie even calls Mama Deena and tries to dissuade her from coming down. It doesn’t work, but it proves he really does care.

Mama Deena sees the light and realises D is just being a drunk idiot, so she doesn’t drag her back home. Good. Deena is who I identify with. I am not ashamed.

Jenni, in fact, spells it out perfectly (and gets best line this episode): “We know you’re fine, and you’re just drunk.” Her tone conveys the right mix of fed-up and “eh, it’s cool.”

The girls are late to work, so Jenni strikes a deal with Danny that if she sells 108 shot glasses they can leave early. He agrees, and she pushes that shit like’s it’s meth to…well, meth-heads. I’m not good with similes. But Jenni is good at selling things to morons. I guess that’s why she had the spin-off.

Paula looks hot as fuck when she turns up for the Paula/Mike/Deena/ugly, boring Chris double date. Even Deena says so.

Another of the sex positions Paula references (via hand gesture) is The Shocker. Upon further conversation, it turns out Sammi and Snooki are fans of it, too. Lol.

An old chick Jersey Turnpikes and break dances with the girls when they’re at a bar. Nice.

And Paula reveals (literally. She pulls them out of her pants) that she wears ass pads when she goes out. They’re like chicken fillets for your bum. Because Paula is all kinds of class. She’s amazing.

Jersey Shore Deena Chris

That’s what Deena says in my dreams, anyway.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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