TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 4

Gossip Girl season 6 Blair Leighton Meester headband

And it knows everything.

It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve had an episode. And that isn’t nearly long enough.

But you know what? I’m actually starting to get into the whole “Dan is a cunt” thing.

After all he’s been through on the UES, it kind of makes sense.

Plus, dating Serena for that long, it’s no wonder he’s had a whole bunch of villain dandruff flake off on him.

And he’s Jenny’s brother, so.

Let’s see where this goes.

TL;DR Dan and Georgina continue to be awesome. The Bart/Chuck business drama actually has momentum this episode. And the Serena plot line has some funny moments. Looks like we’re back on course.

At least for Gossip Girl standards, anyway.

So the major plot for this episode sticks on Blair and Chuck tracking down horses to expose Bart’s business shenanigans. Not shit television ensues. Nice. Bart bought worthless horses at very high prices to pay a Sheikh for illegal oil. Because the one thing Gossip Girl needed was an oil baron. Meanwhile, Serena and Steven go through each other’s sexual history, with the hilarious revelation that Steven once banged Lily. I lol’d. Meanwhile, Georgina sets Dan up with dates to find a suitable It Girl to be seen with. He ends up ditching the plan and staying with Blair. And Ivy stumbles upon some of Lily’s love letters and leaks them to Gossip Girl and The Spectator.

The tone of this episode seems to be reaching back to the glory days of season 1 and 2. While we’ve got the “serious” stuff going on with Blair and Chuck, there’s enough frivolity with the Dan dating plot line, and the Serena/Steven one is light enough but with sufficient impact on the story. I’m a little bit impressed.

But homage is also the easiest way to fall into recycled plot territory. The Serena/Steven love list thing is a rerun of an earlier episode where Lily and Rufus do it (and just to make sure you don’t forget that it’s not new, they reference the Lily/Rufus list. Because Ivy leaks it).

Also, this time it doesn’t end in tension or significant embarrassment/betrayal. Serena kinda just lols it off and everyone forgets about it. Not sure if Serena is becoming more mature, or bad writing.

Why I hate this episode:

The plots are a little on the zany side. Lily complicates Chuck and Blair’s spying trip to the stables when she 3rd wheels them. So they have to go through sitcom antics to keep her distracted while they dig dirt on the horses. Luckily Serena comes along and is, unsurprisingly, a massive ball of stupidity, so she saves them. Ugh.

Sometimes I wonder why Dan goes along with Georgina’s schemes at all. Maybe he really does care about her. In any case, even though I’m enjoying his crossing to the dark side, it still makes so little sense that he has suddenly become this bitter. The UES has treated him badly, but I thought Dan was better than this.

Dan is a true pretentious writer. When Georgina suggests he get some It Girl arm candy he’s all like “Wah, I want to be seen as modern day Hemingway already wah.” Dude, you’re slagging off your friends and family in a magazine. You’re barely above an angry 15 year-old girl on Twitter. Chill.

Nate’s plot involves him trying to bond with Steven. If the fact that his daughter was 17 and Nate clearly is not wasn’t enough for Steven to put his foot down, you’d think Serena’s sexual past with Nate would be. But it isn’t. You know what, Steven? You deserve all the bullshit Serena’s going to dump on you.

Georgina wears another sleeveless top. When will she learn?

Bart offers Nate money for The Spectator, but he turns him down because he doesn’t trust him. So he goes to fucking Ivy to scoop some goss for the magazine (which ends up being the sex list with Steven’s name). Because the definitely evil girl you don’t know is a much better option than your best friend’s maybe evil father who you do know. Oh, Nate.

Lily lies to Bart about where she’s going while getting into a limo. Don’t these people realise yet that if you do that he’s probably watching you from across the street. Also in a limo. And, shocker, he was. How big is New York, again?

Oh, and Blair wears tights as pants. It’s part of her horse riding costume, but still. I think this is easily the most unforgivable contradiction of character that Gossip Girl has ever forced upon us. Nothing can redeem this.

Reasons to watch:

Steven doesn’t remember fucking Lily at first. His “oh crap” face when it comes back to him is priceless. Plus, it’s a huge burn for Serena, which is always welcome. And Lily doesn’t even give a fuck about it. Finally using her powers of narcissism for good.

Dan’s column this episode is about Nate, which leads to Steven’s discovery of his and Serena’s sexual past. Trollol.

Ivy gets to be in a scene with someone other than Rufus. Thank god.

Bart is turning into a comic-level supervillain. He blames Chuck for leaking Lily’s love letter to GG, then even after they know it wasn’t him, he still tells Lily to cut Chuck off. He gives her an ultimatum, actually. Nasty.

Lily’s answer to the ultimatum? “GTFO, he’s my son, cunt.” Mama bear activate!

Remember in season 5 when Serena persuades Dan to fuck her after a bunch of Blair drama? Remember how she filmed it, but when Dan found out she felt sooooo super bad, like, totes? And, like, for realzies deleted it forevar I sweeeearrr? Well, she didn’t. And now Georgina has it. Mwaha!

Georgina is perfectly at home as a speed dating pimp, too.

Although Dan ends up choosing nobody from it, he does go to Blair for a place to stay. And despite his epic smack down of her from the season opener, she lets him. They belong together!

Blair’s business is totally failing, btw. I told you so.

Best line goes to Steven, to Serena: “When were you gonna tell me you’ve had sex with my daughter’s boyfriend?” Something tells me this isn’t the first or last time Serena has heard this.

Second best line goes to fucking Sage, somehow. Although she is spot on: “Dan Humphrey is a douche.” Oh, you kids with your zingers.

And Rufus only appears for a few seconds and doesn’t get the time to embarrass himself. Baby steps.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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  1. TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 5 « I Just Hate Everything - November 13, 2012

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