TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 3

American Horror Story whore sexy legs spread

Ryan Murphy is just recycling poses now, isn’t he?

Tonight, someone dies…

Nah, I’m just kidding.

It’s only a Mexican, so it doesn’t count.

What? Blame the writers.

TL;DR We get some decent character development for Lange’s character, and Cromwell continues to be a cruel motherfucker. Another escape attempt goes awry. 

Already? You guys are terrible at this.

So Lange gets to be the star this episode. After the revelation of her drunken, child hit-and-running past last episode, things get worse for the old gal. Guilt-induced alcoholism ensues. Skitty (the blonde nun. I still can’t remember her name) is clearly affected by her demonic possession, getting her vag out and shit. And killing a Mexican (see image below). Paulson, Peters and Frenchie try to escape again, this time with Sevigny’s help. Sevigny is caught by Cromwell. It doesn’t go well for her (like, “him amputating her legs” not well). The other 3 make it outside but are forced to retreat when they encounter the creatures in the woods, which look like zombie/cannibal/werewolf things. Meanwhile, Zachary Quinto continues to contribute nothing. And back in present day, Levine and his girlfriend take down Bloodyface. They’re about to escape when 2 more Bloodyfaces shoot and kill them. These 2 are revealed to be just (very) creepy pranksters, but the real Bloodyface isn’t too happy to see them.

I actually didn’t really mind this episode. Lange is the strongest actor, so any episode focused on her is fine with me. Skitty gets to have some fun being a homicidal ho. Cromwell gets to be obscenely evil. I’m happy.

If I had to nitpick (are you new here? Of course I have to) it’d be the whole escape attempt thing. They only did it last episode. Sure, Paulson didn’t call the guards this time, but this combination didn’t work before. Failure was inevitable.

Why I hate this episode:

Although I enjoy watching Cromwell being totally fucked up, the lack of motivation so far is making it hard to really care about him. I know throwing a bunch of weird shit together is kinda the point of American Horror Story, but at this point I’m finding his spur-of-the-moment near-rape and double amputaton a bit hard to swallow. And that’s usually not a problem for me.

Skitty is obviously fucked up on demon-ade, but nobody seems to notice. Lange and Cromwell find her actions (in Lange’s case, wearing lipstick. In Cromwell’s case, flashing vag) to be upsetting, but neither really put it together that something is horribly wrong. It’s like they just have kids dying of demons every day.

Quinto isn’t doing anything. His only contribution to the plot this episode is, at Paulson’s request, to look for Clea at their home. She isn’t there, natch. And for the only sane, progressive person in the place, he seems to have no problem with Lange’s treatments for Paulson’s “problem.” Apparently he’s all down for electro shock therapy to cure homosexuality. Cool.

Oh, and although Lange’s breakdown is great to watch, she reaches for that bottle pretty quickly. For someone as pious and having lived clean for so long, I would have thought it’d take a bit more for her to throw that all away.

Reasons to watch:

Levine’s girlfriend gets Bloodyface on the ground, and instead of running like 100% of horror movie characters, she picks up the knife and fucking finishes him (or is he!? …dead!?). Bitch knows her shit.

Lange dominates every scene she’s in. Once she’s good and drunk, she introduces the movie (they’re having a movie night). It’s some very believable drunk acting, and she is a scenery chewing goddess. The switch between her elation and the despair she falls into when she reminds herself of the dead girl is amazing.

Skitty gets to act slutty. I lol’d.

We get to see the woods monsters, and they’re disgusting. But in a good way.

Lange, during her stupor, walks around the asylum looking for Mexican, and encounters an alien. We only get a quick flash of it before we next see Lange passed out on her bed. What did it do to her!?

Cromwell puts lipstick on a Virgin Mary statue and repeatedly calls it a whore. I lol’d.

Sevigny proves to be useful. She joins in on the escape attempt by distracting an orderly with a blowjob. Way to take one for the team. Shame that the escape fails anyway and she loses her legs.

Paulson excuses herself from the film (to go escape) when there are scenes of scantily clad women. Way to use your illness to your advantage.

Drunk Lange seems so happy. Maybe she just needs a few pointers from Damon.

Skitty purposely leaving the communion wine in Lange’s reach is bitch-fabulous.

I think best line would have to be Cromwell’s repeated “Whore!” I can just imagine how ridiculous he would have felt having to do multiple takes of having a tanty at a statue with lipstick. You gotta expect these things when you sign up for American Horror Story.

Oh, and Skitty’s murder of the Mexican is fucking rough. Scissors to the neck. It’ll get the job done.

American Horror Story scissors stab Mexican

I’ve heard of cutting it close, but this is ridiculous!

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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