TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 5

Revenge season 2 Victoria oh crap surgery face

Come on, Vic. Even JWoww can do that.

So apparently Mama Clark has absolutely no idea about subtlety whatsoever.

How exactly has she remained on the run all these years?

TL;DR Mama is a dull bitch and it looks like she won’t be coming back. Good. Victoria continues to not contribute to the show in any way. And Emily does pretty much nothing. Ugh.

Why? Why is this show so boring? This better fucking pay off later.

Anyway, this episode sees Mama fucking waltz up to Victoria and be like “hey, I’m not dead. Where’s WHM?” The badassery is cancelled out by the stupidity. Emily continues to whine about Mama (made worse by the fact Mama still thinks fake Amanda is real Amanda. Burn). Jack and Declan fall for the Home Owner’s (the guy Declan robbed. Names are for people who research their blogs) plan to buy the bar. Accountant bitch snoops around Grayson Global. Nolan is sad because he feels betrayed by her. And BritBrit causes minor drama at Grayson Global.

Look. Look at that plot summary. With all that going on, how can this show continue to be so banal? It’s a mystery.

The Mama drama is so overwrought, too. Just fucking tell her who you are, Emily. God. I’m torn on this whole thing, too. As of the end of this episode, it looks like it’s over, so I’m glad to see the bitch leave. But seriously Emily, you fucking wussbag turd. Just fucking do something.

On the plus side, the Initiative bullshit takes a back seat. And even though the business crap with Conrad, BritBrit, Daniel and Accountant is almost on a Gossip Girl level of unimportance, at least that plot has some kind of momentum.

Why I hate this episode:

Mama is just a stupid, crazy loon. Why would Emily even want to get to know the dickhead who tried to drown her?

Also, given the massive drive Emily had for finding her, why does Emily suddenly shy away now that she’s right fucking there? Goddamn idiot. What the fuck happened to you, Emily? You used to be so badass. Now all you do is sit around and wangst about your traumatic childhood. And I’m supposed to care? I don’t.

Victoria is still being a pretty terrible villain. Just kill Mama. What do you care? The world thinks she’s dead. Just make it a reality. God.

Emily and BritBrit are getting closer. I don’t fucking care.

Emily also overhears Mama apologising to Amanda for being such an absolute piece of shit parent. Emily cries. I don’t care about that, either. Kung fu some bitches or something.

Amanda is already out of her coma. Damn.

And the baby survived, too. Double damn.

Nolan tells Emily that his father died. She feels bad about ignoring his anguish for about 2 seconds before she immediately launches into her own schemes. Bitch.

Amanda calls Emily out when Emily decides she wants to get rid of Mama as soon as possible. Although it makes me happy, it doesn’t make any sense for Emily. Good call, Amanda (fuck, I hope I never have to say that again).

Home Owner makes his proposal to buy the bar from Jack. Jack listens. I don’t care.

Oh, and Home Owner has weird, child molester faces (see below). Gross.

Reasons to watch:

Mason is back. He very quickly figures out that Amanda isn’t Amanda. I wonder how he will use this information.

Although insanely stupid, Mama’s appearance at the Grayson manor is hilarious. Victoria hugs her with a set of garden shears at the ready. Fucking lol.

Daniel tells BritBrit to withdraw his funding from Grayson Global pretty much just to spite Conrad. That’s business drama I can work with.

Accountant turns out to not be entirely meaningless by snooping around Grayson Global’s records for information on David Clark. She also gets her sex on with Nolan to distract him from what she’s doing. That doesn’t stop Emily from revealing it to him later. Bitch goin’ down.

Despite her earlier lack of giving a fuck about Nolan, Emily does do him a solid by protecting him from Accountant.

When Charlotte finds out Victoria is letting Mama stay with them, she genuinely thinks Victoria is being nice. I lol’d.

The business drama does turn up an interesting tidbit: Grayson Global (something something David Clark something business jargon) owns a controlling interest in Nolan’s company. Looks like Nolan will actually need to stay at Emily’s after all.

Emily comes clean to Amanda about Jack being, for reals this time, the father of the baby. Amanda is pissed Emily lied. Maybe her ridiculous cuntery will actually produce something worthwhile, now.

Second best line goes to Emily, with this accurate realisation when she starts finding out about her mother’s past: “I never stopped to consider who she is.” No, you didn’t.

Best line goes to Victoria. She says this to Mason after he mentions how Mama pretended to be dead: “You should try it sometime, Mason.” Meowch.

Oh, and I lol’d at the flashback where Mama tries to drown Amanda. So close.

Revenge season 2 guy Declan robbed

Seriously, am I the only one who gets a massive pedo vibe from this guy?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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