TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 2

First episode was pretty awesome.

And now everything is slow and boring.

The American Horror Story writers have clearly been watching too much TVD.

TL;DR The exorcism stuff is dull and predictable. Reporter bitch is a fucking idiot. Nothing else of value occurs.

Dammit.

So yeah, the plot this episode stays almost entirely in 1964. The only glimpse we get of Adam Levine and his girlfriend is right at the start. Bloodyface stabs the shit out of Levine. Then it’s all back in period land. Paulson (reporter bitch) tries to formulate an escape plan with the help of French bitch. When things look to be going right, Frenchie wants to include Peters (the alien abductee) but Paulson is like “no, he’s a man and my lesbian vagina hates men” and ruins the plan. Meanwhile, Lange is presented with a young man suffering from demonic possession. The exorcism doesn’t go well. Meanwhile, Cromwell hires a hooker so he can make her feel unintelligent and wear a nun’s habit. She finds photos that indicate that he is Bloodyface (and not Peters. Gasp).

It’s not like nothing is happening (just like TVD), but what is happening is either rendered irrelevant (the escape plan failing means nothing), predictable (the exorcism), or pushed out of focus by less interesting events (Cromwell, Levine). Frustrating.

I can accept (well, tolerate and whinge about it online) that crap in soap opera shit, but American Horror Story should be better than this. It’s only 13 episodes. Get moving.

On the other hand, the Cromwell plot is sufficient to sustain the episode. Probably because he’s one of the better actors (a la Robert Carlyle from Once Upon a Time). And the demon reveals some sordid past about Lange, so that should pay off soon.

Why I hate this episode:

The exorcism is far too cliche riddled. Deep voice, contortion, hurling profanities. I was waiting for the green vomit (guess the budget must have skimped on that one). And seriously, don’t demons have anything better to do than possess a random teenager and cause absolutely no lasting carnage? This always bothers me with possession stories.

This demon even has, like, telekinesis and shit. Throwing people around the room. Do something useful!

Paulson is a fucking idiot. She and Frenchie are literally about to escape (through the tunnel that she used to get in, so the escape route is definitely there) and she completely flips her shit when Peters tries to tag along. It’s absurd. After going through what she has (shock therapy and all) there is no way she would willingly stay inside just to contain a (possible) murderer.

Zachary Quinto (the top billed actor in the opening credits) finally shows up. If you hadn’t guessed from my, you know, not mentioning him during the plot summary, he’s boring and doesn’t affect the story at all. His only contribution is that he’s alright to look at and is yet another person opposed to Lange. Next.

He’s also started off on a bad, creator’s pet note, seeing as he’s the only sane man on the asylum staff. Mary Sues will not be tolerated.

Sevigny actually does something this episode. Unfortunately, she just tells Cromwell her sob story and that she’s totally not crazy, yo. Apparently she didn’t like being an oppressed housewife so she got spit-roasted by 2 navy guys during Fleet Week to piss her husband off. Nek minnit, put in an insane asylum as a nymphomaniac. Dumbass.

Oh, and when Lange punishes Peters and Frenchie (but not Paulson, because she’s a tattle tale), Peters takes all the blame and submits to double the punishment. Martyr loser.

Reasons to watch:

Lange is still fucking fabulous as bitch on top. Sure, her authority is a bit hit and miss (the priests tell her to leave the exorcism because it’s “no place for a woman”), but when she has the chance, she takes charge. Whip that ass. Whip it good.

She also recommends and participates in electro shock therapy for Paulson to spoil her memories, thus derailing any article she might write. Fucking rough.

Cromwell gets more screen time this episode and his story is easily the most compelling. He feigns superiority over the carnal desires he has. When Sevigny propositions him he rebuffs her, and although he clearly wants to fuck the shit out of the blonde nun (who I will call Skitty until I can be bothered remembering her actual name. Because she’s skittish, and I like Pokemon), he does contain himself.

This is opposed to his treatment of the prostitute he hires. He chastises her for her vulgarity and talks at her about culturally elite things like classical music, clearly just to make her feel lesser. He makes her wear a habit before they get busy (fulfilling a desire for Skitty, no doubt. The hooker is blonde, too). Kinky.

The hooker also discovers what looks like pictures of Bloodyface’s victims. Looks like we have our suspect.

If you’re confused because Bloodyface was only seen in the present day section last episode, he does turn up in the 1964 part this time. When he stabs the shit out of Clea Duvall (Paulson’s lover). Mystery!

Duvall is visited by some trick or treaters on the day before halloween (they’re trying to get in early). When they’re informed that she has no candy, they’re super polite and take it very well. That’s how kids fucking should be.

Peters believes his wife is still being held captive by the aliens. Intrigue!

Paulson pervs on Frenchie when they’re in the baths. Hot.

Lange’s flashback reveals she used to be a loose woman. And one night after drinking, she hits and kills a little girl with her car and leaves the scene. Guilt!

When the possessed boy dies, the demon appears to transfer into Skitty. Maybe she will become actually important to the plot.

Cromwell’s hooker gets away. She knees him in the balls and legs it. Good work, bro.

Second best line goes to Lange. The possessed boy’s parents are meeting with her and she’s got the wrong idea about what his problem is: “I’ve had great success in curbing the chronic masturbator.” Fucking lol.

Frenchie gets the best line when Paulson tries to apologise for ruining everything: “Screw you, Judas bitch.” Indeed.

Oh, and Cromwell isn’t always so subtle with his “admiration” of Skitty. I lol’d.

American Horror Story Asylum blonde nun toffee candy apple James Cromwell

Working on American Horror Story will do that to you.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

10 responses to “TV Review: American Horror Story Season 2 Episode 2”

  1. walkingonadream89 says :

    The first meme has me rolling on the floor, the second meme had me crying. This show is absolutely ridiculous, but I can’t stop watching

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