TV Review: Pretty Little Liars Season 3 Episode 13

Pretty Little Liars Emily Barbarella Paige Halloween

Paige is fucking lucky. Holy shit.

Ermagherd, are you still reeling from last episode? I am.

Well it’s time for another Halloween episode.

Last year’s was pretty amazing, so my hopes are high. Higher than Emily’s slut boots.

TL;DR Hot costumes, slasher movie esque scares, and more juicy deets about the night of Alison’s murder. Do you want more?

Yes, but it’s still better than goddamn Gossip Girl. Goddamn.

So our contrived plot this episode finds our 4 little liars all aboard the Ghost Train: some party thing on a train for Halloween. All the gang’s here: Jason, Jenna, Noel, Lucas, Caleb and Toby (Toby is A, in case you’ve forgotten). And Garrett, who has come to spill info to Spencer about the night of Alison’s murder. Mona also sneaks out of her mental hospital (or does she!?), so she might be around, too. Aria is kidnapped and almost killed. Garrett is killed. And Alison’s body (remember, it had been stolen from her grave) shows up. Meanwhile, Ashley and Ted are handing out candy at home and Ashley encounters a creepy little girl. Who may or may not be a ghost. Spooky!

Tbh, I was disappointed. Last year’s Halloween episode was pretty amazing. We saw fucking Alison getting stalked by A. That’s bloody terrifying. Sure, Garrett gets murdered this time, but who gives a shit about Garrett?

Also, wtf was going on with Ashley’s sub plot?

The costumes are sexier this year. Emily somehow managed to one-up her sexy Pocahontas get up from last year. Damn, girl. And as far as trashy, teen soap operas go, episodes like this are far above expectations. PLL delivers, as per usual.

Why I hate this episode:

I think I’ve forgotten why A is going to all this trouble to fuck around with the Liars in the first place. A is literally killing people, and I can’t figure out why. I think it has something to do with covering up Alison’s murder, but they’re leaving a lot of evidence of every other crime they’re committing.

And if they’re so keen to just off people, why even bother messing with the girls? Just kill them.

Adam Lambert turns up as the entertainment on the ghost train. Ugh, boring. Dude wears too much makeup, and you know how much I hate guyliner. He also butts into a quick scene where he talks to Aria. It’s so awkward and unnecessary.

Much like the obviousness of The Black Swan from last season’s finale, there’s a figure in a white mask on the ghost train who tails Hanna. You can easily see that it’s Caleb’s face. Stupid. Someone else wears a similar mask later and scares Hanna (probs A), so I guess it was a setup for that, but still.

The whole Ashley sub plot is very bizarre. First of all, switching from every major character being under threat of death on a Halloween train to Ashley and Ted giving out candy is frustrating. Secondly, Ted never sees the creepy girl, and from the way she acts, Ashley determines that she might have been a ghost. This isn’t TVD. Don’t give me that ghost shit.

Oh, and Mona doesn’t get enough screen time. Rude.

Reasons to watch:

Hot costumes, brah. Hanna is Marilyn Monroe, Emily is Barbarella, Spencer is Bonnie (Toby is Clyde), Aria is Daisy from Great Gatsby (she’s a flapper, TL;DR). Emily is the sexiest, but Spencer’s costume choice is interesting considering Melissa and Ian went as Bonnie and Clyde in last season’s Halloween episode. Hmm.

We get some decent info about the night of Alison’s murder. Garrett and Jenna, after leaving Ali’s room, are confronted by Ali in the backyard. Jenna and Ali scuffle and Garrett pretends to hit Ali with the hockey stick (he really just hits the tree). Jenna (who is still blind here) think Garrett has hit and killed Ali, and Ali motions for Garrett to go along with it. So apparently Jenna thinks Garrett killed Alison.

Garrett reveals also that he returned later in the night, and Alison was having an argument with Byron Montgomery. What the fuck? Intrigue!

Jenna looks hot as fuck in her pirate costume. As does Noel (but he always looks hot).

Toby takes advantage of Jenna’s costume (she’s wearing an eye patch) and puts his hand over her other eye to piss her off. Fucking blindness burn!

One of the A Team is dressed as a Harlequin on the train. They spike Aria’s drink using one of those rings with the compartment. I lol’d.

Spencer is attacked by the Harlequin, too. She’s getting beat up pretty bad and Paige runs in to save her. Paige is awesome.

Aria gets locked in a box with Garrett’s dead body. I lol’d.

Two people try to push Aria-in-the-box out of the train. It’s a male and female voice, so we know at least 2 members of the A Team were on the train. Shame they didn’t succeed.

Emily and Paige are finally stable as a couple. Hopefully Paige doesn’t go full Maya on us and turn into a stupid selfish train wreck.

The creepy ghost girl talks about having a mean sister. Who could it be!?

The Liars figure out that A engineered Garrett’s release from prison so that they could get to him and kill him. A is fucking not kidding around.

The Ali’s body mystery is finally over. Hopefully. Stop dragging it out.

Oh, and the closing shot is of a hand reaching through the dirt where the Dilaurentis Gazebo would have been built. Presumably this is Alison’s hand. If you recall, page 5 of the autopsy report showed she had dirt in her lungs, so she was buried alive. Maybe she got out? Holy. Fuck.

Pretty Little Liars Hanna Halloween Marilyn Monroe

Fine, I’ll give you a pass. This time.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

16 responses to “TV Review: Pretty Little Liars Season 3 Episode 13”

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  2. Amadan says :

    do you remember the last halloween episode? Alison was telling to a kid a story about 2 twin blond sister kids, they were playing with dolls when the evil twin killed her sister.
    i think ashley subplot was talking about the same story.

    on a side note: i really need to know your secret: are you male? female? and most importantly are you gay? lesbian? bi? trans? straight? genderless bitch? i love your review. it’s like reading what i would write… but in english^^

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Hey, baby. I actually did go back and watch the Season 2 DVDs after seeing this episode, and I totally get what you mean. Alison is one twisted sister.

      And I’m a gay man. We are a small group, but we know how to be bitchy.

  3. Brittney says :

    Hi, just wanted to mention, I enjoyed this article.
    It was practical. Keep on posting!

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