TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 3

Gossip Girl season 6 Sage fashion show underwear

No 2nd caption necessary.

So Sage is pretty much in every scene this episode.

And the other major subplot involves Rufus and Ivy’s fuck sesh.

Kill me now.

TL;DR Although Sage makes Serena’s life difficult (which makes me happy), she’s such an insufferable little cunt that I can’t bear her. Just fuck off already.

Too much Sage!

So the plot this week focuses on Serena as she tries to bond with Sage. Sage being a brat ensues. This culminates in Sage infiltrating and ruining Blair’s fashion show, which causes drama for everyone. Meanwhile, Blair is trying to debut her line (did you guess that it didn’t go well?). She and Serena have a petty fight as per usual. Chuck helps her. The usual. Meanwhile, Nate publishes Dan’s first volume, which is an expose of Ivy and Rufus’s boning. Dan thinks Rufus might sue, they fight, Rufus and Ivy are stronger than ever. Dan sells the rest of his book to Vanity Fair, alienates Nate. Lily and Bart don’t appear, thank god.

Neither does Georgina. Not okay.

Holy crap, Sage is a fucking bitch. She even makes Serena look weak in comparison. Her only motivation is that she’s being bratty about daddy’s new girlfriend. And she is indirectly responsible for the fight between Blair and Serena, which is another chapter in the “Blair slightly insults Serena’s inappropriate relationship, Serena ruins Blair’s life” saga which I’m fucking sick of. Fuck off, Sage. And fucking take disproportionate retribution Serena with you.

On the other hand, the Sage drama isn’t boring. But I’m not sure if I’d prefer interesting but flawed/terrible/recycled plots over dull but sensible ones.

Why I hate this episode:

Fucking Sage. Ugh.

Also, she’s still having sex with Nate. That’s fucking disgusting. His character would be, what, 22? She’s 17 and in high school. Does he not find a high school brat banging a newspaper CEO just a little revolting? I know I do. Why can’t Nate fuck someone his own age?

Speaking of Nate, he’s all sunshine and lollipops about publishing Dan’s article. Then when Gossip Girl says Rufus might sue, Nate flips the fuck out and gets all over Dan about how it’s Dan’s fault that the paper might be sued. Umm, you’re the fucking editor, Nate. You read the article and chose to publish it. That’s your fucking problem. The show positions us to hate on Dan (which, tbh, is incredibly easy) which makes Nate’s supposedly righteous anger even more insane.

Blair decides she needs to hire an It Girl to debut her fashion line. Has she forgotten how well that worked out for Eleanor in season 2? Worse, she actually goes to Serena in a last ditch attempt to find one when her other choice pulls out. Worse, she then chooses Sage. Stop being such a dumbass, Blair. Between this, Nelly Yuki’s previous article and the one she writes this episode AGAIN trashing Blair, how is her company going to survive at all?

Serena refuses the call to aid, by the way. Cunt.

Chuck and Blair still have their stupid pact/down-low relationship thing going on. DNC.

Steven makes a reference to Anderson Cooper’s coming out. Old meme is old. Just like Steven! I’m hilarious!

The “Serena destroying Blair” thing goes like this: after Serena rebuffs Blair’s call to aid and calls Blair not her family anymore, but later Serena does agree to let Sage walk instead on Blair’s condition that Serena sit in the front row. When Serena discovers that Steven won’t be sitting next to her (he has to “suffer” in the 3rd row, which interestingly, is the same row Blair sat her good friend Nate in, so it’s not like she dropped Steven in a vat of acid) she flips her shit because nobody is taking her lie-based relationship with an older man nobody in her life knows seriously. When Sage does her strip tease, Serena publicly blames it on Blair and fucks over the entire show (even Alexa Chung won’t go out on that runway). Bitch! How are you the protagonist!?

Dan argues with Rufus over whether the story is defamation. While Dan is right that truth is a defence to legal action, he’s still a massive twat about it. Rufus, conversely, is an over emotional douchebag. Those Humphrey genes, hey.

When Dan is tossed out by Nate he goes to a bar to drown his sorrows. Nelly Yuki shows up and offers him a place to stay (and, presumably, sex. She’s always had a crush on him). Dan immediately passes her over for some slut who recognises him from his article. Rude.

Oh, and Dan has become the new Vanessa in his “Us vs Them” attitude to the UES. Vanessa was written out for a reason.

Reasons to watch:

This episode is quite the homage to that season 2 episode where Eleanor has her fashion show. It Girls on the runway, scandal, green fabric. And if I’m not mistaken, it’s the same location they used for that one, too. It’s nice that they care about the hardcore fans like that.

At the start of the episode Steven suggests taking a break from Serena for Sage’s benefit. Lolol.

Steven actually cottons on to Sage’s scheme at the end. Unfortunately this means he and Serena are still solid, but at least he’s not a total idiot like Serena’s usual boyfriends.

Serena’s finally getting a taste of her own medicine, too.

Chuck’s hair looks good.

Sage refers to Serena as “someone my own age.” Burn.

When Serena tells Nate she’s mentoring Sage, this is his entirely appropriate response. Nate (while laughing uncontrollably): “You? A mentor?” Nate has never been more relevant.

Ivy leaks the tip to Gossip Girl about Rufus possibly suing Dan. Rufus confronts her and she manages to weasel out of it and make their relationship even stronger. The scheme is working…

Serena makes a convincing evil stepmother. Should we be surprised? She is Lily’s daughter, after all.

The Chuck/Bart/business distractions sub plot is pushed out of focus this episode. Fucking stay there.

Second best line goes to Blair: “Once again I have been defeated at the hands of Serena Van Der Woodsen.” Just get rid of her, Blair. Come on.

Best line goes to Blair, also, with this to-the-face burn against Serena: “For some reason, people care what you think.” I am equally as baffled as you, B.

Oh, and Sage is gangly and her actress isn’t very good, which makes hating her so much fun. One of my Facebook friends (yes, I have friends. Why do people always laugh at me about that?) described her as a “female Bruno Mars gone wrong.” I’d have to agree.

Gossip Girl season 6 Blair Serena

I don’t know either, girls. I just. Don’t. Know.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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