TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 4

Revenge Season 2 Victoria blood floor

“It’s not like she can’t afford a fucking tampon.”

The good news is Amanda almost dies.

The bad news is Amanda only almost dies.

I can dream.

TL;DR Victoria actually shows some badassery. The Emily’s mum thing is moving forward pretty quickly. The Initiative is still distant and boring.

Maybe the baby will at least die. That’d satisfy me enough, I suppose.

The plot this week follows Emily and Amanda as they try to prove Victoria had a hand in making Mama disappear. Victoria ends up accidentally throwing Amanda off a balcony. Hospital waiting room scene ensues. Meanwhile, BritBrit is lying to Emily about knowing where Mama is. Mama doesn’t trust him either, so attacks him and flees…to the hospital where Amanda is. Meanwhile, Nolan and Accountant bitch continue to flirt and be dull. Also, that guy Declan burgled last episode has come for payment and Jack hasn’t got the money. DNC.

Seriously, Emily. Just kill Victoria. Just do it.

Big demerit points to Nolan this episode, too. His stupid romance sub plot takes up a lot screen time. Nolan used to be a total badass. Now he’s just crying about his daddy being dead to boring bitch Accountant. Go fuck somebody for blackmail material or something. God.

But things are moving. At least Emily is doing something other than sitting around getting strangled by white haired men. And she does encounter Mama, but shies away. So close.

Why I hate this episode:

Good god, Nolan. Man up.

Amanda is also an incredibly uncooperative bitch to Emily. Just die.

The whole Declan sub plot is still boring and unbelievable. Declan wouldn’t burgle somebody. Whatever. And we find out that the home owner is working with Trey to force Jack to sell the bar or something? Who fucking cares? We’ve got The Initiative floating around with super assassins. I don’t give even half a fuck about your real estate valuations.

Emily and Amanda’s goal for infiltrating the baby shower is to get Victoria to offer Amanda a cheque in exchange for David Clark’s journal. This is apparently the simplest way to get a sample of Victoria’s signature to compare her handwriting to the mental hospital log book where Mama was staying before she disappeared. Pro tip, Emily: it isn’t. What the fuck? There are about a billion other ways to get a look at someone’s signature. Just break into their fucking filing cabinet and find a form or something. Fuck.

The woman Conrad meets from The Initiative has a crap dress.

Amanda brings her stripper friends to the baby shower (remember, Victoria is hosting it at the Grayson house). She’s just being a petty bitch and it could have easily blown the scheme. Emily, come on. Just. Kill. Her.

Nolan crying is severely unattractive.

BritBrit gets knocked out by a Clark woman again. He is a terrible ninja spy assassin.

Declan/Charlotte might be rekindled. Ugh.

Emily is about 2 metres away from Mama and she fucking backs out. Obvious extension of a tedious plot.

Oh, and Amanda doesn’t die from the fall, but she does go into a coma. The only soap opera cliche left is amnesia. I’m waiting.

Reasons to watch:

Amanda does get horribly injured, so I pretty much jizzed when it happened.

The opening of the episode is a maid cleaning up blood off the Graysons’ floor while Victoria watches (see image above. Duh). I was hooked as, bro.

Ashley is working for Conrad against Daniel. This begins a sub plot involving Daniel using Ashley to get information on Conrad. Evil Daniel is much more fun than dumb, plot device Daniel.

Emily and Nolan hack the Grayson manor surveillance system. It’s extremely useful, but kinda makes you wonder why they haven’t done it already.

Victoria is back to her rich bitch best. She throws Amanda the baby shower to facilitate/cover up their transaction. Delicious.

I lol’d when Mama tases BritBrit. He’s so adorably inefficient.

Jack can’t reopen the bar because it’s too mouldy. Fucking lol. So mundane it’s hilarious.

The scene where Amanda falls over the railing is the must absurd piece of slapstick you’ll see outside a Three Stooges movie. After revealing why she wanted to see the cheque (for the signature), Amanda badgers Victoria for more info on Mama. Victoria gets mad and tries to pull the evidence away from Amanda. This “struggle” is apparently enough to send Amanda literally flying backwards, tumbling over the railing. It’s gotta be those heels.

Accountant bitch might not be entirely useless. She sees the framed startup cheque David Clark gave to Nolan and gets a serious look on her face. What does she know (apart from how to suck)?

Best line goes to Victoria with this cunt-tastic insult to Emily when she arrives for Amanda’s baby shower: “Emily! I had no idea you were invited!” Such thinly veiled animosity. That’s what I watch for.

Oh, and Conrad mentions the planning for the wedding he and Victoria are going to have. Her “ugh” is just the right combination of disgust, resignation and apathy. We could learn a lot from her.

Revenge The Initiative woman

Scumbag Initiative.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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