TV Review: Jersey Shore Season 6 Episode 5

Jersey Shore season 6 Deena drunk wasted arrested

Hard wood floors feel amazing when drunk. Try it.

Holy fuck knuckles, only 1 episode!

My life is once again my own.


American Horror Story started again and I forgot?


TL;DR Easily the best episode so far this season. Proper relationship drama, drinking and an arrest. OG Jersey, baby.

It’s been a long time between arrests. Too long.

So this episode begins where we left off last time, with Jenni and Roger’s “fight” in the club. Jenni is mad at Roger for not listening to her, Roger is mad at Jenni for getting involved where she shouldn’t be. Jenni also hurts her foot during this, so gets to be extra cuntish. Doctors visits ensue. Sammi and Ronnie almost fight but don’t. Mike gets frustrated by sober clubbing (finally!) and decides he needs to make his thing with Paula official. And Deena gets drunk as fuck and is arrested.

I’m officially done with Jenni. I’m sick of her constantly bitching at Roger for stuff that isn’t his fault. Yes, fighting (and fighting the bouncers. Yeesh) is wrong, but the dumbest thing you could possibly do, J, is get between a monster of a bouncer and Roger, who is a fucking tank (and drunk). That’s just fucking stupid. Let alone the fact that this is only a small cluster of a club-wide brawl. Of course you’re going to get hurt if you try to get in the middle of it.

And Jenni’s version of the story of what Roger did to her (which, in reality, was just a pretty forceful shove to move her out of the way) snowballs to the point where she says, without hyperbole, that Roger threw her across the club. Fucking shut your mouth. He didn’t raise a hand to punch you. You’re the one who threw a fucking drink in his face. It’s bitches like this that ruin decent guys.

On the plus side, most of the roommates don’t really buy her bullshit. The whole hobbling around on the cast thing is particularly mocked. Good.

Why I hate this episode:

Sammi, of course, is one of the roommates who does get on Jenni’s side. Fuck off.

Ugly, boring Chris is back. He’s only in, like, 1 frame of 1 scene, but that’s just too much.

Jenni totally undermines the severity of her injury by going out immediately and getting wasted and falling all over the place. Bitch wants to have her cake and eat it, too.

Oh, and while drunk, Jenni cock blocks the shit out of Mike. It just isn’t her week to do anything likeable, is it?

Reasons to watch:

Although Jenni is a selfish idiot, her drama with Roger is interesting and not a snooze to watch. Jersey’s finally stepping up its game. And Roger and Jenni do fight well.

Roger calls Jenni out on her trying to control him during a phone conversation with Ronnie. And he’s right. Roger’s 37 and he’s made it clear that he can handle his own shit. Jenni doesn’t need to be an obnoxious Faux-talian woman and keep butting in.

Ronnie and Sammi almost get into a fight when they’re discussing Jenni and Roger’s fight. Fightception. Sammi eventually agrees with Ronnie about girls not getting involved in guy fights. Sensibility points for all.

Snooki’s excitement at Jenni being disabled, and therefore sidelined so they can hang out together (Snooki’s pregnant, remember?), is hilariously cruel. She and Jenni must be best friends.

While at the doctor, Snooki decides to have her height measured. She’s shrunk 1 inch since last time she measured herself. I lol’d.

Ronnie makes an epic joke about Jenni milking her injury by comparing her to a milk carton. Fucking Ronnie burn.

Vinny also does a great impression of Jenni, lisp and all. Now just come out and hook up with Pauly already. Gosh!

Mike describes himself (due to his muscled physique) as Rambo. Oh, the humility.

Deena, naturally, steals the show when she gets d-runk. She comes home from clubbing and decides to keep drinking. Then she passes out. Then she wakes up still drunk and goes out, alone, to drink more. This culminates in her running around a street and getting arrested for disrupting traffic and being a nuisance. I feel so close to her right now.

And I genuinely felt sad for Deena when the realisation dawned on her that she was being arrested. You can’t fake that emotion.

Paula sends Mike chocolate covered strawberried. She’s a keeper.

Second best line goes to Sammi during her and Ronnie’s almost-fight about Jenni/Roger. She says it in laughing disbelief: “We’re fighting over somebody else’s problems!” Still more valid than most of their other arguments.

Best line goes to Deena when she’s discussing the Jenni/Roger situation: “It sucks ’cause I really like Roger.” As do I, Deena.

Oh, and Jenni somehow (even she doesn’t remember) commandeers a wheelchair when she’s drunk at the club. That’s badass.

Jersey Shore season 6 Snooki doctor

Dammit, Snooks, we’ve talked about this before.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “TV Review: Jersey Shore Season 6 Episode 5”

  1. Scott says :

    I thought Carton starting unnecessary drama would have made you love her even more.

    Deena’s the best part of this show.

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