TV Review: Gossip Girl Season 6 Episode 2

Gossip Girl season 6 Nelly Yuki

I don’t give a fuck. I’m gonna keep using it.

So the good news is we’ve got 2 characters returning that we haven’t seen since season 2.

The bad news is that Gossip Girl is still a boring crap factory.

TL;DR Blair gets up to her old, scheming ways. Works a little bit. Too much soap opera stupidity to forgive it, though.

Good god, what are these losers up to this week?

So Blair is getting a visit from a reporter to cover her collection’s debut. Shame she has no staff, and Nelly Yuki is the interviewer. Also, Poppy Lifton (ugh, why is she back?) has a competing collection. High School esque scheming ensues. Nate’s college student hook up (who was so fascinating that I didn’t even mention her last time) turns out to be Serena’s boyfriend’s 17 year old daughter. Intrigue? Dan and Georgina are having trouble selling his tell-all, so Dan goes against Georgina and gives it to Nate’s newspaper. And Bart and Chuck have more uninteresting business shenanigans.

Serena is the main problem this episode (like that’s even shocking anymore). She finds out her boyfriend has a fucking daughter (who is only a few years younger than herself) and doesn’t even give a shit. She even allows her to keep seeing Nate. Gross.

On the flip side, Serena also gets a few moments of hypocritical bitch in when she attacks Steven for not telling her about the daughter. Umm, bitch you didn’t even tell Steven your real fucking name before you were forced to. Fuck Serena. Fuck everything about her. Blake Lively has great tits and a tight arse. There is nothing else remarkable about her. How the hell did she get cast in an Oliver Stone film? Actually, Taylor Kitsch is also a lead in that one. Logic just committed suicide.

And while Blair’s petty plots were great back when they were in high school (and I have genuinely missed them), they feel terribly ridiculous, even by GG standards, with the current setting.

On the other hand, Blair does get to be stupid bitch, which is always fun.

Why I hate this episode:

I’m still traumatised from last week’s unspeakable horror.

Blair’s whole taking over Eleanor’s work thing doesn’t fit her at all. She’s not qualified to run a business. She can barely put together a half-decent scheme these days.

The Amira/Bart/Chuck sub plot continues to suck hard. Apparently Bart and Amira spent a weekend together and she should know about his dubious dealings in Dubai. I don’t fucking care. Someone just kill him off again.

The worst moment of this sub plot happens when Bart, Lily, Chuck and Amira are having breakfast. Chuck is making some thinly veiled jabs at his father’s shady past, then Bart pretty much just comes out and says “I’ll kill Amira if she talks. For reals, I will murder her. Dead. Crepes?” Lily is apparently deaf, now, and doesn’t hear her husband threaten to murder her guest.

Poppy Lifton was crap back in season 2. That whole scheme something something with Armie Hammer. I get that she got a cameo as fanservice, but she looks like shit and her character makes no sense. #gossipgirlsupportingcharacterproblems

The entire Serena/Steven/Nate/Sage plot hinges on a simple misunderstanding. Serena and Nate see Sage and Steven hug and sit down to breakfast. They obviously assume that Sage and Steven are fucking and the entire thing snowballs from there. Hasn’t anyone on this show figured out that things you randomly witness on the street are ALWAYS something else? Just fucking ask your goddamn boyfriend what he’s doing! Gah!

Nate and Sage have a “conversation” where both are so idiotically cryptic that neither actually says what’s really happening (he’s trying to let her know he saw her, she’s trying to tell him she’s in high school). So I guess actually talking to each other doesn’t help either.

Blair loses to Nelly and Poppy. Unacceptable.

Oh, and Georgina has fat arms. Why do they keep putting her in sleeveless outfits?

Reasons to watch:

Blair’s scheming, while not a touch on her old style, is fun to get back. Sure, it’s childish and is totally inappropriate, but isn’t that the point of Gossip Girl?

Georgina watches Dan while he sleeps.

Nelly Yuki I’m actually glad to see return. She’s a good combination of having grown out of high school, but still being possessed by how much it affected her. She actually gets second best line with this: “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and shout ‘tights are not pants!'” Blair’s satisfied reaction makes it.

Best line goes to Georgina when she expresses her feelings for Dan: “Your loss of faith in humanity turns me on.” Do it, Dan. Hell, she’s ruined your life less than Serena.

For all his dullness, Bart is still a fantastic smug snake. His utter disregard for his son’s wellbeing and happiness is impressive.

Blair thinks Nelly is working with Poppy to ruin her, but by letting her selfish high school ways take over, Blair actually causes her own defeat. Nelly has learned well.

Sage calls Serena a trophy girlfriend. To her face.

Sage also says this: “No one in high school reads Gossip Girl anymore. It’s for old people.” Get it? Because Gossip Girl (the show) is old and crap?

Oh, and Sage wants to scheme to break up Serena and Steven. Knowing Serena’s dating history, she shouldn’t have to work very hard.

Gossip Girl season 6 Blair Poppy Lifton Nelly Yuki

“Could we just wrap this up with a text crawl? Just sayin’.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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