TV Review: Revenge Season 2 Episode 3

Revenge season 2 Victoria Amanda press conference

Just get murdered and take your devil fetus with you. Come on, Emily.

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeed.

TL;DR Omg, nothing’s happening! The entire premise of the show has collapsed.

Remember when it was called Revenge and it was about Emily getting, you know, revenge? Ah, those were the days.

The plot this episode sees Emily interacting more with BritBrit. Apparently they fucked or some shit while they were both studying with Takeda. BritBrit retrieves Victoria’s plane’s (you know, the one that WHM blew up) black box for Emily. Meanwhile, Jack and Amanda are having relationship drama and he decides to break up with her. Meanwhile, Declan is caught burgling. Meanwhile, Victoria (after some not-so-subtle prompting from Charlotte) decides to come clean(ish) about her affair with David Clarke during a press conference. Also, secretive assassin society.

I mean, look at that plot summary. You’d think that’d be awesome to watch. But it just isn’t. This show moves at a glacial pace.

And if being dull wasn’t offensive enough, the entire premise (which made the 1st half of season 1 so interesting) has been entirely forgotten. It’s all about your standard soap opera crap with a few ninjas tossed in and Emily endlessly wangsting about her mum. I don’t give a fuck. Victoria and the Graysons are almost an afterthought now. I kept trying to figure out why they were even still there.

Victoria’s gone from primary antagonist to time-wasting background character. Pathetic.

But if you give half a damn about the characters (which, admittedly, I still kinda do), then the arbitrary nonsense will keep you hooked enough to make it through.

Why I hate this episode:

Emily should just kill Victoria, Conrad and Amanda and ride off into the sunset with Jack. It’d be so easy.

Victoria is irrelevant now. Emily’s pretty much forgotten about her. She’s just a stepping stone to The Initiative.

Charlotte is an overemotional brat. Sure, I like that she fucked Victoria’s shit up in the interview, but come on. Who would honestly do that? Who would proclaim to the world (merely to spite their mother) that they’re the illegitimate offspring of a terrorist? Fuck off, Charlotte.

Emily gets flashbacks to her training with Takeda and BritBrit. They’re boring and irrelevant. And slapped between otherwise conventional soap opera shit, it just looks fucking weird.

Emily is incredibly ungrateful to BritBrit for saving her life last episode.

Declan’s burglary plot line is a huge escalation of his previous interaction with Trey. So unbelievable.

Emily’s mum is apparently still in the Hamptons and is running a hotel. Just fucking find her already. God.

Emily and Daniel should get back together. Ashley is no substitute, even if she is fabulous.

Amanda is a fucking melodramatic pain in the scrotum. Bitch fuckin’ murdered a guy last season. Now she’s all serious because she’s pregnant. She’s suddenly developed emotions, too, as she refuses Charlotte’s $5000 baby gift card because she doesn’t want to accept charity. Fucking inconsistent characterisation (I could tolerate it if she wasn’t so annoying and useless).

Emily’s mum is apparently the lover of WHM. Ew.

Nolan’s boring accountant bitch is back. DNC.

Oh, and Victoria’s coming clean, though kind of necessary considering Charlotte’s outburst, is bullshit. She even brings pregnant Amanda up on stage. Victoria would never invite that kind of embarrassment on herself. Stupid.

Reasons to watch:

Jack has a very brief shirtless scene.

Conrad receives a call from The Initiative during Victoria’s press conference. It’s implied that he will be tasked with doing something about her. If you know what I mean (probably kill her or some shit). I reckon he’d do it, too.

Victoria tells Emily to fuck off from her house and family. It’s pretty awesome. Emily doesn’t, of course, but still.

At one point Emily knocks out BritBrit. He awakes inside a dumpster as it’s being loaded into a garbage truck. I lol’d.

Declan’s burglary victim catches up with him and Jack. Declan being in trouble makes me happy.

Charlotte, whilst bratty as fuck, is pretty boss when she busts up Victoria’s interview. Damn.

Jack dumps Amanda. Finally.

Ashley gets best line. After Victoria has announced her affair to the world and has her family up on stage with her: “Oh my god, they’re stronger than ever.” You can tell from the way she says it that she knows she’ll never beat Victoria. Sad.

Oh, and Conrad forces Victoria into accepting a public renewal of their vows in Italy (he tells a reporter about it before Victoria can shut him down). I love his pettiness.

"A very inky bouquet. Intriguing..."

“A very inky bouquet. Intriguing…”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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