TV Review: Jersey Shore Season 6 Episode 4

Jersey Shore season 6 Deena blue ball

Deena has had practice at handling balls.

Huff…huff…almost…there.

Too many Jersey eps to bitch about. Need inexpensive wine.

And cookies.

TL;DR We finally get a fight, so that’s something. But characters from The Pauly D Project turn up, so that sucks big time.

The Pauly D Project? Really? Well, I guess Roger and Jionni are here from Snooki & JWoww. But they were in earlier seasons of Jersey, too. Whatever.

This episodes sees Snooki and Jionni going on a date. He’s leaving for Miami and it’ll be the longest time they’ve been apart. Unsubstantiated mistrust ensues. Jenni throws Roger a surprise birthday party and he turns up late. Old married couple esque bickering ensues. The roommates (minus Snooki) going clubbing and a brawl breaks out. Jenni punching Roger ensues.

Becuase that’s how Jenni DO.

Jersey is putting way too much effort into making little annoyances seem like they’re huge arguments. Snooki and Jionni’s whole “I’m scared of other girls hitting on him” thing is not only stupid, but a recycling of a previous Snooki & JWoww episode. Fucking weak.

Then you’ve got the Roger being late for his surprise party thing. Firstly, Jenni, it’s a surprise. So for all Roger knows it could be just another run of the mill dinner. And Roger has an actual job, unlike you. Put your indignation away, bitch. Secondly, who cares? It’s one dinner that he was an hour late for. It’s no reason to get into a retarded bitch sesh over.

On the other hand, the brawl at the end is at least a fraction of the excitement I need from this show. And the Jersey Shore groupie who gets her vag out is a funny distraction.

Why I hate this episode:

Snooki needs to realise that she shouldn’t worry about Jionni cheating as long as she’s making money. Which will be until this season of Jersey ends. Plus, he’s an Italian boy. He’s not going to cheat on his pregnant wife. His mother would KILL him.

There’s still tension between Jionni and Vinny. It’s petty bullshit and it needs to either escalate into an actual fight or just fucking end already. I’m bored of it.

Turns out Vinny isn’t hooking up this season because he has some bitch waiting at home for him. Pauly is the only single roommate. No wonder everything is so boring!

Jenni needs to fuck off with her constant criticism of Roger. Baby, you can be late to dinner with me anytime.

Ronnie tries to ride a mechanical bull and fails massively. Fucking Deena outdoes him. Though I guess nobody is surprised that Deena is good at riding things.

Snooki is a gigantic cunt to Mike (again!). She’s such a ridiculous brat. He’s done so well to fix himself and make amends. And don’t give me any of that “I care about you and I’m there for you but I’ll never be your friend” crap. If you care about someone and are there for them, that’s called being their friend. Stop being so pretentious.

Omg, the Pauly D Project characters need to fuck off. One of them physically attacks some douche who’s bothering Mike at the club. It’s dumb and dangerous. And the worst part is that everyone applauds him for it. Fucking dick.

Oh, and Roger somehow ends up trying to fight one of the club’s bouncers? You producers best not be demonising my Roger.

Reasons to watch:

The plus side of Roger’s fighting is that he accidentally knocks Jenni over (she’s trying to stahp him). And if I was watching closely enough, she gets up and punches him in the face. That’s love.

I love how Snooki’s pet name for Jionni is “poop.” Now that’s love.

The flasher chick is awesome. She gets the tits and V out with no qualms. When the boys ask her what she calls her boobs, she says they’re named Pauly and Vinny. Get it in, boys. You’ve done worse.

Despite how it turned out, the surprise party for Roger was such a cute idea. Jenni can be thoughtful. When she’s not being a selfish bitch.

She and Snooki randomly bring up how they dance around in the mirror when home alone. Me too.

When Roger’s party finally gets on the right track, all the girls get balloons and fake pregnant themselves to see what it’s like dancing with a bun in the oven. Snooki solidarity, yo. And it’s funny to watch Deena try to Jersey Turnpike with a gut (it’s like we can see into the future!).

Jenni complains about Mike’s pity party. Someone finally brings it up! Trust Jenni.

Deena “auditions” Danny to be her new meatball. He does surprisingly well. Now if only ugly, boring Chris wasn’t in the way…

Deena plays with a big ball on the boardwalk. Deena/balls jokes are made. I lol’d.

Roger gets best line this episode. Jenni is surprised they’re leaving for clubbing so early: “The earlier we go out, the sooner we can come back and not have sex.” Jenni don’t know how to treat her man.

Oh, and during the melee at the club, Vinny gets all hot headed and tries to get in on the action. It’s hilariously pathetic.

Jersey Shore season 6 Vinny fight club Bamboo

If he’s not careful he’s gonna break his hipster glasses. And stealing them from 3D movies isn’t cheap. Just sayin’.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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