TV Review: Snooki & JWoww Season 1 Episodes 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
So if you haven’t noticed (I’m not that deluded. I know you haven’t), I kinda just stopped doing Snooki & JWoww. I haven’t watched an episode in almost 2 months.
It was a combination of going on holiday for a week, which ended up coinciding with 2 episodes, thus fucking up my entire schedule.
Also, this show is boring and I’ve had no compulsion to return to it in 2 fucking months.
But seeing as Jersey season 6 (the last one! Nooo!) is about to start this week, I figured I better wrap this shit up.
Get ready for some abridged fucking reviews.
So the girls have decided to go to Cancun without the boys. Which means the only 2 characters that are actually interesting or make hilarious jokes aren’t there. Solid.
Snooki is a whingey bitch because she can’t drink or have fun. Jenni isn’t even that insensitive. Hormones!
I hate this episode because Snooki is a fucking idiot (what did you think your 3 alcoholic clubrat friends would want to do in Cancun?), Roger doesn’t get to make fun of anyone (because he isn’t there) and the fight that was hinted at last episode was a fizzer.
You should watch because Jenni makes a joke about having sand in her vagina (always fun), Snooki makes a joke about how the inside of crocodiles’ mouths looks like vagina, and Jenni has to shave her vagina in the dark. Vagina vagina vagina.
Oh, and best line goes to Jenni with this beautiful backstab during one of her confessional scenes. Snooki just compained that “Fun Jenni” never used to be around: “This Jenni’s always been here, but Nicole was too blackout to notice.” Burn.
So Snooki is still being a sulky dick while Jenni parties in Cancun. They get home early and Jenni gets into multiple fights with Roger over the fact he didn’t drop the plans he made to go see her. Once the girls find photos on Twitter, Snooki and Jionni start fighting too.
Also, pasta class.
I hate this episode because the Roger/Jenni situation boils down to Jenni coming home earlier than she told Roger and she’s being a selfish piece of shit, Snooki is always a selfish piece of shit, and the Twitter photos are completely harmless, run-of-the-mill fan photos. Calm the fuck down, ladies.
You should watch because they compare the shape of rolled dough to an uncircumcised penis, Roger tells Jenni she should go back to Tom (which is an insanely massive burn for anyone familiar with Jersey season 3. Nice), and for once a fight didn’t entirely fizzle out (and looks like it’s going to span more than one episode).
Oh, and best line goes to Jenni (again). She throws some dough on Snooki’s face during the pasta class (remember, they said it looked like a dick): “Nicole, all of a sudden, had a problem with penis on her face.” Pretty self-explanatory, really.
So the entire episode revolves around the fights between Jenni/Roger and Snooki/Jionni. It’s perfect.
Roger and Jenni actually have an emotional, serious, meaningful break down in their relationship. And they figure it out and it’s worth it and I’m even more in love with Roger than ever before. Snooki and Jionni don’t go at each other so hard, but they get their shit together, too. Aww.
I hate this episode because Jenni is a self righteous fuckwad (Roger even straight-up says they need to reach a solution and she just scoffs and is bratty), Jenni doesn’t know what a stalemate is, and Jionni and Snooki should have at least tried to equal the heat of Roger and Jenni’s argument.
You should watch because they eat delicious cake for Jionni’s birthday, the boys are finally back for real, and Roger actually cries as a result of the argument with Jenni. Be still my beating boner.
Oh, and best line of the episode comes from Roger: “I don’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with me.” Not a funny one this time. Just a really solid way to view your relationship.
The fights are finished. Snooze.
The girls get Jenni’s dogs dyed pink and purple. It’s cute. Jenni buys fake babies for her and Snooki to practice on. Surprisingly diligent parenting ensues. Apart from that bit where they take them to a bar. And Snooki finds out the gender of her child. It’s a boy!
I hate this episode because the fights are over, the fake babies are fucking terrifying, and Jenni is accidentally racist when ordering them (asking what “colours” they come in).
You should watch because the dogs look cute as hell when dyed, Jenni compares Snooki (due to her immaturity) to 16 and Pregnant, and Gay Joey #1 (Jenni’s Joey) vomits on the couch and they show it.
Oh, and best line this episode goes to Snooki: “There’s nothing better than hanging out with you gay best friends, at a gay bar, with 2 fake babies.” Bitch wild.
It’s finally over. Thank god.
The girls go to a birthing class. Vaginal rippage is discussed. They then set up a switcheroo date scheme (because they obviously haven’t learned how disastrous they are from sitcoms) to interrogate the other’s man. Everything goes better than expected. And they finally decide to part ways and move out. At least until 4 seconds later when they start filming Jersey season 6.
I hate this episode because the switcheroo date is really rude, you see a cameraman’s leg briefly when Jionni arrives at the house one time (willing suspension of disbelief shattered!), and neither of them really seem that fussed about moving out.
You should watch because Roger is awesome at articulating his feelings during the fake-out date with Snooki, Snooki says she loves pooping, and Jionni does (and fails) the cinnamon challenge (relevant).
Best line goes to Snooki with this birthing concern: “I’m really nervous about my vagina ripping to my asshole.” The images. They burn.
Just kinda glad it’s over and we can get back to proper Jersey.
Snooki & JWoww: boring but tolerable.