TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 2 Episode 1

Once Upon a Time Season 2 Regina smirk

And I know everything? Really? I’m making that joke again?

Finally! The moment I’ve been waiting so long for!

Well, about 2 weeks. But still, after intensively watching the first season over a condensed period of time, I’ve developed an addiction for bland, trashy, soap-opera-esque fairy tale shit.

The magic returns…

TL;DR …sort of. Everyone’s got their memories back and Gold unleashes magic, but none of it is actually working, so blah. Emma is forced to save Regina, so that’s cool.

FYI, I’m going to start referring to the characters (now they have all their memories) by whichever name I prefer. For example, I used to call Regina “Queenie” when talking about her fairy tale flashback self, but now she’ll just be Regina.

That was boring.

Anyway, let’s talk plot. Emma, Snow and David reluctantly join forces to stop a lynch mob from totally murdering Regina. Unfortunately, their plan involves locking her up to keep her safe, which is where Gold lays a nasty Wraith spell to obliterate her soul. Natch. Meanwhile, we learn that fairy tale land isn’t all lost to the curse, as Mulan and Prince Phillip team up to rescue Sleeping Beauty. Tragic death ensues.

I feel pathetic for saying it, but I actually didn’t hate this episode. I’d see that as a sign of good things to come, but I liked the first episode last season, too, and we saw how that turned out.

The fairy tale plot was pretty boring. Phillip (who is Wren from PLL and the killer from Sorority Row) is on some epic quest with Mulan to save Sleeping Beauty. Turns out he’s fallen in love with Mulan, but also loves SB. Then he gets arbitrarily killed by the Wraith. I didn’t care. He’s a slut.

And SB is a whiney bitch, so extra DNC points for the fairy tale plot this episode.

On the other hand, Regina gets to be vulnerable and a boss back in Storybrooke. Which is really all I need.

Why I hate this episode:

SB isn’t blonde. Lame.

Regina doesn’t get her magic back (or does she!?) from the purple mist. This makes for a very awkward moment when she tries to attack the lynch mob and nothing happens. Ain’t no writer gonna embarrass mah Regina. Rude.

Jamie Chung (also from Sorority Row) turns up as Mulan. Bitch, what are you doing wasting your career on this crap? I know Sucker Punch was fucking awful, but you were decently famous for about 5 minutes. Do something with it!

Emma gets to be her usual, dumbass self. Snow and David are all like “aren’t you happy we’re a family now” and she’s like “you abandoned me bawwww.” Emma says she would have preferred to have been caught in the curse so she could have been together with her parents, not giving a fuck that the curse would have consequently been unbreakable. That’s our hero.

David gets to be an amoral douchebag. Emma has promised Henry she’ll keep Regina safe. David thinks it would be better to kill her. Jerk.

After Regina “regains” her powers, she uses them to threaten David. Henry sees it and is a massive douche-tard to his mum (for the thousandth time). Fuck off, Henry. Just fuck off.

Oh, and when Emma mentions Jefferson (Regina is using his hat to send the Wraith into oblivion. Keep up), Regina acts genuinely puzzled and appears to not remember him. Why?

Reasons to watch:

Apart from the above moment of complete ungratefulness, Emma doesn’t act like a mentally handicapped circus freak this episode. She’s learnding.

Belle and Gold’s relationship picks up again. She asks him not to kill Regina, and when he sets the Wraith on her, leaves in a huff. She eventually comes back and decides her presence will do him good. She wants to make it work, and I think they’ve got a good shot.

The awkward team-up of Emma, Snow and David with Regina is great. Regina gets to not only have protection, but be a smug bitch at the same time. Perfect.

Henry gets Emma to protect her because he still sees Regina as his mother. FUCKING FINALLY! It’s about fucking time he said that. Fuck!

When Regina learns he said this, she smiles. Was sweet, yo.

The CGI budget looks a bit healthier. The Wraith looked appropriately lifelike (for an undead horror, anyway).

Snow accidentally brings up the fact that she and Dr. Whale had a one night stand. David is shocked, and she handwaves it with “we were cursed.” Which is the most solid excuse ever.

Gold mentions the favour Emma owes him. I’m glad he remembered.

Snow gets some badass points during the 2 fights with the Wraith. The first time she uses an aerosol can and lighter as a flamethrower. And it retreats. The second time, she creates a wall of flame with some booze and a flaming broom. Bitch is stepping up her fight game.

The revelation that a section of fairy tale land is still around is intriguing. At least it’ll give us reason to care about what happens there instead of bombarding us with mostly inconsequential flashbacks.

Emma and Snow end up getting transported there via the hat, so that should open up some new plot line opportunities.

Best line of the episode goes to Emma. Snow and David want to have their big reunion talk immediately, but Emma’s not into it: “Can we do everything later? With a glass of wine? Several bottles?” Several bottles of wine is how I start every conversation, too. Kindred spirits.

Oh, and the first scene is of some random guy receiving a carrier pigeon with a postcard from Storybrooke that reads: Broken. Who is he!?

Once Upon a Time Season 2 Mary Margaret Snow White flamethrower

Worth the wait.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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