Film Review: Resident Evil: Damnation

Resident Evil: Damnation JD transformation

Coming soon:
Resident Evil: Overload; The “this is only a half-assed release to make more money, love Capcom” Edition.

Another Resident Evil already? And Resident Evil 6 (the game. I’m such a nerd lolz) is coming out next month? Busy bees.

At least this one isn’t as loose with the established stories from the games as Paul “I cast my wife in every movie I make so people remember I have a hot wife” Anderson’s versions.

TL;DR The CGI is incredible. Plenty of blood splatteringly good violence. Plot is appalling and the ending is honestly ridiculous. At least Leon looks hot. 2 out of 5 stars.

Ugh, so let’s try and sum up this plot.

So Leon finds himself in a fictional East European country. Bioweapons ensue. Ada is there to retrieve Las Plagas samples and cock tease Leon. As per usual. The country’s president is crazy or something. Blah blah horrific, animated violence.

So yeah, this plot sucks. It’s almost a straight recycle of Resident Evil 4 but with less farm people. It’s implied that this takes place in the same continuity as the games, so it’s strange that almost the exact same stuff happens. They just ditched Ashley for some guy who self-injects Plagas for superpowers.

I’d make the whole “the plot doesn’t matter” argument like I did for Retribution, but it doesn’t apply as much here. The Anderson movies get away with it because they’re so obviously removed from the game continuity. But if you’re going to use that continuity then slop on some half-assed Soviet crap, you’re not getting away with it.

That said, the action is the best thing here. Once those Tyrants start splattering Lickers. Ah. Dat blood effects.

Why I hate this movie:

Such lazy writing.

Also, the Las Plagas are even more magic than they were in Resident Evil 4 (and Retribution! Wtf!?). Buddy can apparently control the Lickers using his mind. Wut?

The opening narration is the biggest info dump evarrrrr. Lazy.

Leon gets some fucking awful one-liners. The Wizard of Oz ones have to be heard to be believed.

The supporting characters aren’t much better. JD is a slang-slinging jive turkey. It’s endearing to begin with, but after about 1.5 seconds I wished he would just die. He does, but shutup.

The lip synching is very hit and miss. President bitch gets hit hardest by it for some reason. Her first couple of scenes are atrocious.

Ada (again) decides that fashion is more important than functionality. She’s got her heels and a tight as fuck business skirt this time. Made worse during the fight with President. Her top gets cut, revealing her lacy bra. Fanservice at its most obvious.

The movie clearly wants us to care about Buddy. I didn’t. Because he is a retarded extremist with a hand wave motivation sob story (his girlfriend got killed or something).

The ending was pathetic. After an epic battle against a Tyrant, another 2 pop up. American and Russian fighter jets then swoop in to take them out effortlessly. President doesn’t even get defeated in battle (she fucking resigns off-screen) and Leon doesn’t get to tie up the plot. Off-screen politics do it.

Worse, the credits scene shows that Buddy survived (don’t care).

Worse still, Ada is trying to flog off a stolen Plaga to an unseen buyer. Do we seriously have to wait for another one of these to get made? It was 4 years between this one and Degeneration. FFS.

Reasons to watch:

If you want to see disgustingly bloody Licker deaths, you’ve come to the right place.

The final fight against the Tyrant is the best. The Tyrant grabs one of the Lickers by the tongue and uses it like a flail. I lol’d.

One of them gets stomped with extreme prejudice. It’s gooey.

The Tyrant also grabs one by the head and crushes it until a very juicy pop. He pulls this on a civilian, too, but they don’t show the burst.

The CGI is fucking spectacular. The early pan over the city looks real. For reals.

Leon is hot as fuck. Much better than how he looked in Retribution.

He is also totally boss. He punts a crowbar through a zombie’s head. It’s disgusting. And perfect.

He also shoots Buddy in the spine to cure of him of the Plaga. That’s boss points and injuring Buddy points. I’m happy.

President bitch is a total badass. She’s a very good hand-to-hand fighter (as seen in her awesome fight against Ada), and she’s not even worried when Buddy starts sending Lickers at her. A sexy, appropriately dressed, capable female villain. It’s a fucking miracle.

The Las Plagas operate pretty faithfully to their Resident Evil 4 versions. To be fair, the mind control aspect was touched on in RE4, just not as unsubtle as it is here. Plus, the head poppers are back. Gib-tastic!

Speaking of subtlety, the credits crawl over the top of a Resident Evil 6 trailer. Worked on me.

JD’s death scene (head popper included) was pretty sad. The really vile transformation helped. Poor turkey.

The Lickers looked great. All wet, exposed sinew. Blech. In a good way.

The way they kill the Tyrant is pretty fucking flashy. They ram a tank up against it. To make it hold still, Buddy calls a Licker onto its face, then Leon blasts the Licker and the Tyrant with the tank’s cannon. So brutal.

Oh, and best line goes to this from JD. He’s trying to sound cultured and not like an impoverished Eastern European resistance fighter: “I have 50 DVDs. None of them are pirated!” Nailed it.

Verdict:

If you simply have to watch a Resident Evil movie, it’ll satisfy you. It’s kinda trapped between the balls-out cool fucktardery of Anderson’s movies and trying to be game faithful. You know what, just go play Resident Evil 4, 5 or wait for 6. 2 out of 5 stars.

Resident Evil: Damnation Tyrant Licker gore

No second caption today. I just wanted to make that extremely easy pun.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “Film Review: Resident Evil: Damnation”

  1. Anonymous says :

    i love resi games but this movie is lazy ass trip to country of total boredom. what a waste of time!

  2. Anonymous says :

    Wow, you are all just a bunch of whiny, nit-picky, ungrateful little bitches, aren’t you?

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