TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 18

Once Upon a Time young Snow White

A challenge I am glad to fail.

Holy fuck knuckles, I feel like I haven’t watched Once Upon a Time in so long.

And this episode is actually not a massive wank.

What dark wizardry is this?

TL;DR Queenie/Regina plot lines dominate this episode, so I’m happy. Emma does some more stupid shit, but nothing about her idiocy surprises me anymore.

Queengina is the best thing about this show, so I’m glad they gave her the attention she deserves.

The fairy tale plot follows a young Queenie as she struggles against her evil mother (Barbara motherfucking Hershey). She’s in love with some guy who’s poor, then gets a proposal from the king after saving young Snow White’s life. Heartbreak (literally) ensues. Back in Storybrooke, Emma is still trying to help Mary’s case. Regina struts around like the fabulous bitch she is. Kathryn turns up alive. The usual.

To be fair, this episode is mostly alright. If one thing were to really stick out as a problem, it would be Emma. She is just a terrible hero. She breaks the law abhorrently (something she’s familiar with) and gets all pissy when it backfires. You are the fucking sheriff! What the hell is wrong with you?

Every time Emma does something stupid and the opposite of heroic (which is pretty much everything she does) I just like Regina more. I honestly can’t believe how badly Emma acts all the time. Have the writers really not noticed this?

On the plus side, we do get to see Queenie’s start of darkness, and it’s, like, totes sad. You know?

Why I hate this episode:

Fucking Emma. Fuck. You.

Mary doesn’t do herself any favours, either. She’s so dumb. Like mother, like daughter? Yes.

There’s a scene where she’s being interviewed by the DA (Alan Dale) and he very easily gets her to yell how much she wanted Kathryn gone. She’s so stupid. I can’t feel bad for her being falsely imprisoned when she’s doing such a pathetic job of clearing her name (remember when she ran away? God). I’m surprised even Emma believes her at this point.

Emma (yes, I’m still bitching about Emma) brings fucking August along with her when she breaks into Regina’s house to look for evidence. She doesn’t even know him. They had 1 weird-ass date. That’s it.

To make things worse, when she later accuses him of moving the evidence (when she does get a warrant and returns, it’s gone), he gets all like “I can’t believe you don’t have faith in me.” Dude, she’s known you for 5 seconds. Chill.

Young Snow turns out to be as much of dipshit as her older self. She totally is the reason why Queenie turned evil (Snow blabbed about her lover; Barbara Hershey kills lover, dooms Queenie to life of misery), so I seriously want to see Queenie ruin her. Bitch can’t even ride a horse.

The king is a fucking dirty old man. Gross.

Oh, and David appears to be doing jack shit to help Mary. True love is so beautiful.

Reasons to watch:

Poor Queenie. Even though her back story plot was predictable (and furthers my case of Once Upon a Time reducing its female characters to love slaves), it did an adequate job of setting up her opposition to Snow. And her “I just hate everything” attitude. We are one.

I also love how Storybrooke Regina plays by the law so well. There is no greater joy than watching Emma embarrass herself at Regina’s hand. Maybe if Emma followed the law she’d get better results?

Regina and Gold are totally working together against Snow (or is he!?). They should work together more often.

Barbara Hershey is far above this show, but I’m glad she’s there. She’s still hot, and she does evil-witch-homicidal-mother very well. Bitch be witchin’ all over this shit. She also seems to be the pioneer of Queenie’s heart-stealing technique. Poor Daniel

Daniel is the stable hand Queenie wants to run away with. He’s cute. That’s cool, right?

I actually did reserve a bit of sympathy for Emma. Everyone is super lying to her and she has no idea. Poor thing.

I also felt kinda bad (shoot me now!) for young Snow. Her naivete is both horrifyingly destructive and endearing. Dammit.

August be mysterious as hell. Who are you!?

Regina gets a scene where she gloats over Mary. It’s awesome. It’s everything Mary deserves and I will take this victory.

Best line of the episode comes in text form this time, with this hilariously bad pun. It’s the headline of the Storybrooke newspaper’s article about Mary: “Heartless.” Get it? Because she carved Kathryn’s heart out?

Which she didn’t. Kathryn turns up alive(ish). Totally picked it.

Best line goes to Queenie once everything comes undone and she finds out Snow blabbed: “I should have let her die on that horse.” Yes! You should have! Would have saved everyone a lot of drama.

Oh, and the homoerotic subtext is back. Old friends.

Once Upon a Time Regina Mary Margaret kiss

Hate sex is better with magic.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

12 responses to “TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 18”

  1. Nicamon says :

    First of all…I LOVE the nickname”Queenie”!^.^ FINALLY someone that DOESN’T call Regina the Evil Queen(since she’s not…EXPECIALLY in this episode!!!)BUT I have to say that…you’re right…Mary Margaret is unbearable and so is child Snow but…HOW can you say that she deserves to die and that Regina’s hate is justified?!?!SHE DIDN’T KILL DANIEL:CO(B)RA DID!!!She made a mistake but she was a child,she was naive,she had just lost her mother AND SHE DIDN’T KNOW REGINA’S!!!Now find me a SINGLE excuse for REGINA for having let Daniel alone in front of Co(b)ra…I mean…HELLOOO…IT’S A TRAP!!!IT’S A FUCKING TRAP!!!YOU KNOW HER,HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU TRUST THAT WOMAN???!!!And even without Snow telling your little secret…YOUR MOTHER IS A FUCKING WITCH…do you REALLY think she couldn’t find you???!!!I’m sorry but Regina is DUMB and CHILDLISH!!!She’s not so better than Snow or MM or Emma!And she’s always mad at the wrong persons!X-((( Baka Queenie,BAKA!!!>O< ("Baka"means"Stupid"in Japanese.)

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      Co(b)ra is the best nickname for a character ever. Thank you.

      Anyway, back when I was watching season 1, I had a real hard-on for hating everyone except Regina/Queenie. I came around to Emma and Snow a bit more in season 2.

      Plus I still can’t figure out exactly what I think about Bailee Madison’s acting. So I’ve got issues with that.

      And yeah, anyone in this show is insane to find Cora trustworthy with anything.

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