TV Review: The Glee Project Season 2 Episode 11

The Glee Project Ali winner

Also, spoiler alert.

It’s the final!



TL;DR Blake wins. I’m not surprised. I’ll miss The Glee Project. And knowing how retarded Glee has become, we probably won’t be seeing a third season of this show.

So it’s down to the final 3 contestants:

Ali: with the power of blonde hair and the disabled card.

Aylin: with the might of religious stereotyping and wide-set eyes.

and Blake: with the strength of hotness.

Hotness. Every time. Duh.

The episode is kind of anti-climactic, TBH. The final homework assignment brings back all the losing contestants (except Taryn. Rude), but they pretty much just fluff around while the final 3 belt their faces off.

Then the video shoot is some prom piece of shit. I goddamn hate that Tonight Tonight song or whatever it is, and the video is awkwardly shared among 3 leads. It doesn’t work. None of the characters they’re supposed to be playing have any impact (Aylin especially seems to be almost edited out entirely). Then to try and give it some gravity, they sandwich in Damian “Rory the leprechaun because Glee is the kind of show where having a character supposedly be a leprechaun is legitimate plot line/we’re not racist we swear” McGinty. Like anyone cares who he is anymore.

The highlights would be the final performances. Even though they all make pretty poor song choices, I at least gave half a fuck because they really do perform the shit out of them.

Why I hate this episode:

The Glee Project is over! Now I have no semi-satisfying reality singing shows to watch. Well, that I can be bothered watching.

Kurt is the guest mentor this episode. Yes, they saved him for the final because he is just that special. Robert can barely contain himself when he gushes lukewarm menstrual ejaculate all over the room about him. Apparently he really is the second coming of Jesus. Guess I owe Ryan Murphy $5.

So what I’m saying is, Kurt sucks and I hate when he’s so obviously the writers’ pet. Rude. Actually don’t hate Chris Colfer that much. It’s not like he knew what Kurt would become. Poor thing.

Just like in the video, Aylin gets pushed out of the homework assignment, too. Ali hogs all over that thing. I was shocked when they announced Blake the winner, because it’s pretty much the Ali show up until that second. Well, the Ali and Kurt show.

All 3 contestants win the homework assignment. Bull. Shit. Way to make those tough decisions, Glee Project producers.

Tonight Tonight fucking suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. What do they think we are? Drunk 13 year olds? Fuck.

Darren Criss shows up for the final performances. Because he obviously has nothing else going on in his life.

Ali chooses Popular from Wicked as her last chance song. Predictable.

Aylin chooses Adele’s Rolling in the Deep. Aylin isn’t a bad singer, but she’s no goddamn Adele. Bad move.

I don’t remember what Blake chose because it was another “heartfelt, hipster-esque soft rock song for pretty young men” type of thing. What I do remember is his absolutely, mind-rapingly atrocious poetry he reads out after he’s done. It makes Maya from PLL’s stuff look like Pulitzer level shit. Of course, Ryan Murphy pretty much has to tie himself down from his multiple orgasms. And apparently Mario is a dick in the competition, but is partial to a bit of 15-year old emo writing. Massive WTF moment.

Charlie does some huge grandstanding in Aylin’s favour when they’re discussing who should win. It’s embarrassing. He’s prone to that kind of thing.

Oh, and Blake’s victory makes for the 3rd male winner in 2 seasons of The Glee Project. Sexist, much?

Reasons to watch:

At least there were no bullshit runner-up or consolation prizes. Last season we got motherfucking 2 winners because they couldn’t decide, AND 3rd and 4th place got 2 episodes each as well. Way to stick to it this time, guys.

The theme for this episode is Glee-ality. Okay, I’ll go with it. At least it’s not as bad as this or this.

And, at this point, I’ve given up on calling out Ryan Murphy’s terrible writing “inspiration.” I don’t have the energy left to chastise him for stealing these kids’ life stories for Glee. I just…I just can’t do it anymore. He won.

Nikki flirts with Blake. Again. He’s gonna be working with her on Glee, though, so she’s still in with a chance. Get that dick.

Ali’s character for the prom video is the mean, blonde girl. Even though most of it gets cut out in the final version, the bits they show of her filming it was great. Mean girls have the most fun.

The video has a lot of overly enthusiastic party jumping. Party jumping? Yeah, that’s what I’d call it. Reminded me of the god-awful crowd scenes in this Shane Dawson music video. And if I can laugh at Glee and Shane Dawson simultaenously, then I’m happy.

Best line this episode goes to the “here’s what you missed on” segment narrator (not his first time) with this delicious pun: “Ali’s rolled right through the competition.” Disabled jokes are the best jokes.

Zach gets a close second for sheer obliviousness with this thought on how important The Glee Project is: “I think this is the biggest prize on television.” No, Zach. No it isn’t. Maybe it was last season, but getting a featured role on the 4th season of a show that shouldn’t have made it past 2 is not a good prize. Latching onto a bisected horse as it desperately crawls across the finish line of what will doubtlessly be a horrifying 4th season is not a good prize. Winning The Amazing Race? That’s a good prize. Becoming an online joke after a bad X Factor audition? That’s a good prize. Learn yo facts, Zach.

And I was genuinely surprised at Blake’s victory, so snaps for The Glee Project. I’ll miss you.

The Glee Project Mario crying

Mario is still an arrogant douche, though.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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