TV Review: The Glee Project Season 2 Episode 8

The Glee Project Ali Blake kiss

“Yes! Now shut up and kiss me!”

One of the things I missed most while I was out eating myself to even an earlier grave on the high seas (I was on a cruise, remember? No? You don’t care about me) was The Glee Project. There’s something about these little wannabes that is really life affirming.

Kinda the opposite of Glee, then.

TL;DR The performances are actually solid this episode, so that’s nice. Gaybraham has a bitch fit and Lily and Aylin get into a minor tiff, so all around a winner IMO.

So it’s Tenacity week. You can tell this by the incessant repetition of the words “tenacity” and “tenacious” by every single person in the show. If you took a fucking shot every time you’d be comatose before the end of the homework assignment.

The video shoot this episode is a single, continuous take. Needless to say, drama ensues.

Probably my only problem with this episode would be the obvious construction of the video shoot to cause problems. They could have easily worked around it by using clever cutting techniques, but instead forced the contestants to break down. It just felt so blatant and so intrusive. Unsubtle.

And it doesn’t really work, which is even more insulting. Ali has a whinge and Gaybraham hurts his leg, but it’s otherwise a bit of a bust. Disappointing.

But the Lily/Aylin grudge finally resurfaces (it’s been a while), so that’s enough to satisfy my crave. My crave for arbitrary girl drama.

Why I hate this episode:

The song choices are obvious as fuck. Destiny’s Child’s Survivor for the homework assignment, and Eye Of The Tiger for the video shoot. Obvious song choice is one of Glee’s worst attributes, too. Varied and interesting songs were what made season 1 of Glee so good. Has nobody realised this yet?

Michael continues to be terrible. He fucking sucks in the studio. Again. And his last chance performance proves that he isn’t a strong enough singer, even for Glee. It’s time to go (I’ve been watching a lot of Big Brother recently).

Gaybraham (naturally) is a humongous pussy when he hurts his ankle during the video shoot. He’s the oldest contestant and nobody else complains (Shanna full on wipes herself out and just gets up). He’s such a little bitch.

The bottom 3 this episode are Lily, Michael and Gaybraham. Lily totally didn’t deserve it. Don’t be messin’ with my ho, yo.

Oh, and to complete his epic whinge fest, Gaybraham actually limps back out on stage after all the last chance performances are finished and has a huge diva moment, telling the mentors that he’s not going home. It was so embarrassing and unprofessional. And seriously, you’re 24 years old. Control yo self.

Reasons to watch:

But there is justice in the world, because Gaybraham gets sent the fuck home. Praise be to Ryan Murphy.

Actually, I’m gonna have to give massive snaps to Ryan this episode (I know, it hurts me too). After Gaybraham has his cry on stage, Ryan pretty much shuts him the fuck down. He tells him that he should have come back out and performed again if he wanted to prove his worth. You know, instead of sulking about how amazing and deserving you are without actually proving it. Bonus points for then eliminating him. Fucking Ryan Murphy burn. You can’t come back from that.

Ryan also slips in the second best line for the episode. Gaybraham prefaces his rant with “I’m not using this as an excuse” and Ryan immediately interrupts him with this queen-bitch gem: “Anybody who says ‘I’m not using this as an excuse’ is using it as an excuse.” Guuuuuuuurrrrrrrrll.

Best line is actually shared by Zach and Aylin this episode. During the video shoot Lily is having trouble getting her tracksuit pants off while she’s off-screen, so Zach has to ask Aylin for help:
Zach: “Can you help Lily?”
Aylin: “Strip?”
Zach: “Yeah.”
Aylin: “Yeah.”
I need a cold shower.

Mercedes is the guest mentor this episode and she looks like she’s about to fall asleep. I love it.

During the homework performance Ali rolls down the on-stage stairs. Ali is quickly becoming a boss. She also wins the homework assignment, and I am okay with this.

Nikki very obviously wants to get Blake’s dick inside her pregnant vagina. Don’t we all?

Lily and Aylin have a minor slap fight (figuratively) when they’re in the recording booth as a group. Aylin passive aggressively states that Lily sings too loud. Lily gets pissed the fuck off and even vents it to the mentors after her last chance performance. Open hostility is so close I can taste it.

Shanna swears when she falls down. I lol’d.

Ali breaks down during the video shoot when she can’t get the over-the-shoulder basket shot (which is a ridiculous thing for the director to include in a video where you have to start the whole thing again if you miss it. Rude). Blake comforts her. It’s hot. Natch.

Robert tells Gaybraham not to suck up to Ryan this time. Fucking burns all around for G. I am okay with this.

Lily fucking smashes her last chance performance. That’s my girl.

Ryan agrees with me when he says she “ate the stage.” Also counts as fat joke. I am okay with this.

And do I need to repeat that Gaybraham gets eliminated? Happy days are here again!

The Glee Project Abraham rant

“No, STFU.” -Ryan Motherfucking Murphy

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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