TV Review: Pretty Little Liars Season 3 Episode 9

Pretty Little Liars Noel Kahn Jenna party Truth

“So you should definitely engage us in a game where we can publicly expose your terrible secrets.”

Cece’s back, bitchez!

Which means drinking, sass, and blondeness.

Also, an extremely serious game of Truth.

TL;DR It’s a Spencer heavy episode, so cue the tension and relevant clues. Aria sidetracks things with more Ezra family drama, but otherwise we’re on the right side of juicy.

Plotlines in the hizzy:

Spencer leads the episode as she and Aria go to a party at Noel Kahn’s house with Cece. While there, Spencer engages Jenna in a game of Truth (which is like Truth or Dare but is serious fucking business with a timer, spectators and shit) and it’s clear that both know too much about the other.

Aria plays too, and her opponent is Noel, who grills her about Ezra. Meanwhile, Ezra’s brother is in town, sent by Mummy to cause trouble. Unimportant!

Hanna spends most of the episode with Caleb. Nothing much happens, but it looks like they’re back together and Caleb is now in the loop, A-wise.

Emily does fucking nothing, but that’s probably for the best. She spends the episode moping over Maya’s videos and being consoled by Paige.

I suppose I should bitch about how useless Emily is blah blah blah I’ve already done that. Her plot line this week, while uninteresting, is valid and believable. Whatever.

Hanna’s lack of action this episode pisses me off, but even when it’s just her and Caleb talking, she’s still the best character. There’s something about her that is just enthralling.

The real demerit points would have to go to Aria. I don’t fucking care about your stupid Ezra drama. Unless his brother is somehow involved in Alison’s murder/has anything to do with A, get out. One Ezra is enough. I don’t want to have to deal with you having feelings for his wealthy brother. At least try to not look like a daytime soap.

Why I hate this episode:

Ugh, more Fitz family members? Ezra is plenty.

Caleb is not good at this whole breakup thing. Longing glances and shit in the school hallway? Rude. Dude be twat-teasing Hanna. If they hadn’t gotten back together later, I would have been very angry with him.

Spencer, Aria and Hanna decide to keep their access to Maya’s website a secret from Emily. Rude.

Ted sluts his way around again, having a romantic dinner. He’s disgusting, and Ashley can do better.

Everyone takes the whole Truth game retardedly seriously. It was bizarre. Everyone at the party is supposed to be 22-ish, so why they care about fucking kids games makes no sense. Although it’s a great way for the characters to tell each other secrets, it was distractingly contrived.

Also, Noel tries to force Aria to admit she’s banging Ezra. I guess I just assumed everyone knew about that because it’s been going on so long.

Spencer also falls victim to the Truth stupidity. She pretty much tells the whole party that she is investigating the disappearance of Alison’s body. I don’t think she should really be publicising that.

One of the videos Emily watches has Maya reading some REALLY bad poetry. Another one has her musing about how she thinks Emily is Cleopatra reincarnated. I shit you not. For the artsy hipster character, she had a piss-poor imagination.

Oh, and Aria finds out (accidentally. Or was it!?) that Ezra got a bitch pregnant when he was 18 and Mummy paid for an abortion. This is apparently something Aria is allowed to make a big deal out of. Bitch, he doesn’t have to talk about his past girlfriends with you. Shut the fuck up, you entitled slut.

Reasons to watch:

Even though the game of Truth is absurd, it’s pretty awesome watching the two pairs go back and forth. Spencer especially gets to show off her badassery when badgering Jenna. Because it’s fun and easy to bully Jenna, eh Emily?

After 2 and a bit seasons (and numerous other high school shows before it), Spencer finally addresses the fact that all their drama impacts their actual schooling. Spencer (yes, Spencer Hastings) forgets to apply for college. AND she got a B on a test. Shit is fucking serious.

The Hanna/Caleb situation, while a bit convenient, is pretty boss. Hanna needs a man who’s going to fight A alongside her. And their sexy kiss is sexy.

Speaking of sexy, Ashley’s trying to get herself some dick, and I’m on board with that. Sure, it’s goddamn Ted, but she gets points for trying.

I’m gonna give points to Emily (and ABC Family. Don’t make me regret it) for actually calling Maya her “girlfriend.” First last week’s pash-sesh, now this. Progress!

Cece continues to be mysterious. She takes Spencer’s college application and surprisingly delivers it to her contact, successfully getting Spencer her early admission. Not sure if she’s A.

Spencer and Aria make a pretty valid point about her, too. When talking about whether or not they can trust her, they’re worried because if she was someone to want around, Alison would have gloated about her, but she didn’t. Hmm.

For once Emily’s boring plot line actually serves a purpose. I’ve grown to be a fan of her pairing with Paige. Make it work this time, bitches.

Best line of the episode goes to Cece. When comparing Aria to Jenna: “You are so much prettier than Jenna. I don’t get what the fuss is about.” Because bullying the formerly-blind is fun. And easy.

Oh, and shock fucking horror, Hanna only gets 1 outfit this episode, and it isn’t terrible. Praise!

Pretty Little Liars Hanna Caleb kiss

I’m so proud of her.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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