TV Review: Once Upon a Time Season 1 Episode 15

Once Upon a Time Ruby heart box Kathryn red riding hood

“What dark wizardry is this?”

Well they fucking finally got around to doing the Red Riding Hood episode.

Also, for the first time ever the CGI in this show isn’t eye-scrapingly awful. Points for Once Upon a Time.

TL;DR Red isn’t the most interesting character, but at least she’s pretty, and the show does a decent job subverting the expected fairy tale. Emma mostly keeps out of the way, so I’m happy.

Am I the only one who thought Red should have been a higher priority? No?

Anyway, the Storybrooke plot follows Ruby as she is a whingey brat and quits her job at Granny’s diner. David’s also floating around. Being suspicious and shit. In fairy tale land, Red’s village is terrorised by a murderous wolf. She teams up with a vagrant Snow White to defeat it. Twists ensue.

I think the blandness of this episode helped calm my boundless disappointment. Aside from the twist (surprise! Red is the wolf), there’s nothing else of interest in the fairy tale plot.

The Storybrooke plot fares a little better, but this is mainly due to twists as well. Have we learned nothing from M. Night?

To be fair, though, there is nothing deal-breakingly objectionable about this episode. It’s just that I expected more from the Red episode after being teased for so long.

Why I hate this episode:

Red is kind of a weak piece of shit as far as being a woman goes. All she does is talk and dream about love. The worst example of this would be when she and Snow are on Red’s bed together. It was a bit too slumber party. “Omg, let’s talk about boiz lololol. Gurl time!” Feminists kill yourselves now.

And I know it’s a fairy tale, and you get that, but they’re doing different takes on them. At least Snow has other stuff going on (like not getting murdered). Red is completely one-dimensional.

Storybrooke Granny is a fucking bitch to Ruby. At the end of the episode they hug it out and she’s all like “I was doing it because I love you.” She must love her A LOT.

David gets amnesia. Again. Lazy soap opera bullshit. It looks like it’s probably Regina’s doing, but still.

At one point Red mistakenly believes Peter (her boytoy) to be the wolf. Naturally, she ties him up. Naturally, she eats the shit out of him (and not in a good way). Peter didn’t question being tied up at all. Red: “Hey, you’re a wolf.” Peter: “Okay.”

Oh, and when Emma is questioning David, Regina leaps to his aid. Umm, why? You framed him. And as far as Storybrooke is concerned, Kathryn was your BFF. Why are you defending the prime suspect in her disappearance?

Reasons to watch:

Granny and Red’s preparation for the wolf attack is pretty boss. They even have a retractable grate over the fireplace. That’s preparedness. Granny also chooses to guard the front door with a fucking crossbow. Bitch packin’.

The mystery as to who is the wolf is also done reasonably well. I totally thought it was Granny (because the show made it very obvious that it was probably her, and Once Upon a Time loves being obvious. Obviously) but I was wrong. Nicely done.

Snow White is such a hobo. She’s found hiding in Red’s chicken coop. I like seeing her downtrodden.

Emma burns the crap out of Mary. They’re discussing Kathryn’s disappearance and Emma says that she vanished after giving Mary a “well deserved” slap. Mary is not happy, which makes me happy.

Ruby seems to still possess her fairy tale wolf senses. Intrigue!

Ruby looks hot when she takes off about 16 layers of makeup.

Speaking of Ruby’s appearance, Granny gets the best line of the episode with this stinger: “You dress like a drag queen during Fleet Week.” Fucking ouch.

Kathryn’s heart is found in a box. But we know how well citizens of Storybrooke can function without a heart (poor Graham). Unless Regina squeezes too hard. So Kathryn could still be around.

Oh, and Mary’s fingerprints are found inside the box. Prepare for the court room episode!

Once Upon a Time Red riding hood Snow White bed

Good to see that homoerotic subtext is goin’ strong.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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