Film Review: Wrath of the Titans

Wrath of the Titans Sam Worthington Cyclops battle

I love me some coarse palm work.

Why?

TL;DR Unnecessary sequel is unnecessary. Admittedly impressive CGI action sequences are dampened by a lame plot and poor characterisation. 2 out of 5 stars.

Didn’t we learn anything from the first one? It was a bore, and overstuffed with special effects. At least the lens-flare is gone.

We pick up the plot a few years after Clash of the Titans. Perseus (Sam Worthington) has a son and Io (Gemma Arterton) is dead. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes cash their paychecks, returning as Zeus and Hades. Something something Hades is evil something Zeus in peril something something CGI monstrosity. You know the deal.

I know that deep, insightful character development ┬áis not this film’s goal, but when the major motivations of your heroes and villains are this bland, you’ve got a problem.

Sure, if Kronos is released, the world is in danger. But Perseus is far too happy to go save Zeus, a man who (according to the last movie) he couldn’t give 2 shits about.

And Ares’ whole daddy issues thing is so pathetic (I’m not a fan of this excuse). You’re a fucking god. Just go murder Perseus in his sleep and get over it. Geez.

However, I have to give Wrath of the Titans props for its actions scenes. Yes, they’re retardedly overdone and the CGI wank is almost blinding, but they’re a lot of fun. The CGI in Clash was what pissed me off, and it’s good to see they’ve rectified it here.

Why I hate this movie:

But the characters. Ugh!

Another ridiculous example is the relationship between Hades and Zeus, which we established in Clash was very bad. And it’s all Zeus’ fault. Sure, Hades tried to use the Kraken to destroy the world, but that’s only because Zeus cheated him and banished him to the underworld forevarrr.

This point is revisited here, and when Zeus is getting his life forced drained out of him, he finds it in his “heart” to give Hades what would translate essentially to a “soz lol.” And Hades not only forgives him, but uses his own power to restore Zeus and fight alongside him. No. For a guy who’s been holding a grudge for eternity, he turns around way too fucking fast.

Andromeda has been recast as a blonde, which nobody notices. And one of the things I liked about her from Clash was that she and Perseus didn’t have a sexual/romantic relationship. That gets tossed aside.

After finally being released, Kronos destroys a single village and is then promptly defeated. Not very badass.

The heroes never really face any genuine danger. The scene where Ares comes in and brutally slaughters every minor character except for the main trio is a good example. Andromeda even gets into a sword fight with him, but he doesn’t kill her like he just did 20 other people. Inconsistent.

Sam Worthington’s accent is all over the place (again).

And seriously, Liam Neeson, what are you doing to yourself? The Grey, Battleship. Even the trailer for Taken 2 looks corny as hell. You used to be cool.

Reasons to watch:

The action is pretty rad. Even though Kronos doesn’t do much, he looks amazing. Dripping magma and shit.

Ares’ “goddamn wreck everybody’s shit” scenes are pretty boss. He may be a whingey bitch, but he can kick people in the face pretty well.

Rosamund Pike does a good job as the new Andromeda. She’s been upgraded from stoic princess to battle sidekick, and it mostly works. And I don’t know if it’s just me, but Pike didn’t seem to be taking her role very seriously, which I liked. Wrath is a lot less serious business than Clash.

That fucking lens-flare armour Zeus wore in Clash is gone. Thank god. That was embarrassing.

The “real is brown” filter from Clash has also been scrapped. Thank god.

Despite the incongruity, Hades and Zeus’ team-up was totally cool and awesome. Kind of felt bad how everyone just forgot about Poseidon, though.

Bill Nighy is funny as Hephaestus, the forger of the divine weapons. Upon meeting Perseus, he gets the best line of the movie when he says how he recognises him: “Release the Kraken, and all that?” Memes be relevant.

And when Perseus’ son was introduced early on, I was terrified he’d be an integral part of the story. He isn’t. He gets hilariously swept aside, and I was extremely grateful.

Verdict:

It’s no Immortals, and it wasn’t needed in any way. But it’s an action movie that’s under 2 hours long (which is a miracle these days), it doesn’t work the ol’ brain too hard, and Neesons gonna Nees. 2 out of 5 stars.

Wrath of the Titans Andromeda blonde

Maybe if we change the character’s hair colour and entire personality, nobody will notice she’s been recast.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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