Film Review: Breaking Wind

Breaking Wind Edward Jacob Kiss

It’s only a parody, but it’s the closest those fangirls are ever gonna get.

I know I know I know.

Guaranteed garbage, amirite? An easy target?

Not really, apparently.

TL;DR It’s a quick, mostly painless, unambitious little parody. Twi-haters can snigger along. That’s all it wanted to be, and that’s enough. 3 out of 5 stars.

That’s a 3 out of 5 because it adequately achieves it’s mediocre goal. Demerit points for leaning too heavily on poo jokes.

So, the first thing I thought about this movie when I learned of its existence was “didn’t Vampires Suck already do this?”

Yes, it did. And to mostly better effect. But Breaking Wind is much more focused.

The “plot” follows the events of the 3rd movie Eclipse, which is weird considering the title is a parody of the 4th. I think that’s probably because Eclipse isn’t as easy to make a fart joke out of.

The big problem with Breaking Wind is also its most appealing attribute: completely ignoring the plot. The only way to follow what’s happening is to know what happened in the actual Twilight movies. And although it’s fair to assume anyone watching a Twilight parody would know enough about Twilight to want to make fun of it, it’s pretty insulting that they don’t even try to make excuses for why the characters are doing what they’re doing.

The Friedberg/Seltzer parody movie generation suffers from this, too. The only way to reach for entertainment value is to make sure the parodies are accurate and, shockingly, funny. Epic Movie didn’t get it. Disaster Movie kinda did. Breaking Wind kinda does, too.

This movie also looks like the cheap piece of shit it is, so that was a bit embarrassing. At least real Twilight looks flashy, even if its writing is about on par with its parody.

The plus side of ignoring plot is that the jokes get to be the centre of attention, which is really all you can ask of a no-budget dig like this.

Why I hate this movie:

Too many poo/shit/fart jokes. They’re not clever, and they don’t relate to Twilight in any meaningful way. It’s obvious the filmmakers just threw one in whenever they didn’t have anything relevant to say.

There’s a recurring joke where the Cullens have little people versions of them who something something horny for Bella something something they’re funny because they’re little. It doesn’t work at any point, and they call it back, like 3 times.

About 95% of the movie is based on Eclipse, then they slap a couple of plot points from Breaking Dawn Part 1 on at the end. Misleading title is misleading.

The vampire make-up is pretty bad, too. This is probably on purpose, but it was really distracting having to look at Edward’s face as the globs of powder try desperately to cling onto his crow’s feet.

Reasons to watch:

When they’re not making shit (ah ha!) jokes, there are actually quite a few decent gags.

The recurring gag about Bella’s huge vagina worked for me. Almost every character has a line about it, but my favourite would be this one after Bella announces she’s going to be Switzerland RE: the Jacob/Edward fighting: “By Switzerland you mean large vagina?” It’s the simple pleasures, people.

The actress who does Rosalie is atrocious, but her unsubtle hatred for Bella is completely spot on. She mentions at one point that they could just kill her and go back to living without threat of vampire war, but nobody takes any notice. Very true.

Every character also has a ridiculous obsession with reality TV. On a couple of occasions one of the characters will announce that they’ve missed the first few minutes of -any reality show here-, and everyone in the scene will rush off. I know that feel.

There’s a recurring TMZ parody which is scarily accurate.

The Johnny Depp dig is cheap and old, but I hate Johnny Depp, so I liked it.

Bella is actually a bit of a boss in this movie, which is a huge contrast to Kristen Stewart’s version. The scene where she gets fed up with Edward not fucking her is a highlight.

Charlie’s fluid sexuality is kind of endearing. It’s nice to see a gross-out parody movie not take the “bash the gays” route. Sure, he talks about Skytramming, but he does it so earnestly that I couldn’t help but like him for it.

Speaking of not bashing the gays, Edward and Jacob kiss, and it’s not a big deal. Actually kinda sweet.

The baby Volturi are adorbs, yo.

Oh, and when marking trees with her blood to mislead the evil vampires, Bella whips out a blood-soaked pad from her crotch and gets the job done. That’s commitment.

Verdict:

If you want a frequently amusing, unoffensive, simple Twilight parody, this is your best bet. It hasn’t got the budget of Vampires Suck (or the amazingly accurate Kristen Stewart impression), but the jokes are faster, simpler, and they get the job done, dammit. 3 out of 5 stars.

Breaking Wind Cullens battle pose

Still not as ridiculous as Twilight.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “Film Review: Breaking Wind”

  1. Cassie says :

    Twilinght now moon

  2. Kaylynn corson says :

    I believe that the twilight saga is the best movies ever! I hate your guyses rude comments about the twilight saga & those comments should be shoved into your guyses faces not mine

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