TV Review: Snooki & JWoww Season 1 Episode 5

The Glee Project Jionni Roger kick fail

Hidden Toe Fracture.

I’m starting to feel like the producers of Snooki & JWoww don’t really care about the titular duo.

Every episode Roger steals the show. And this week even fucking Jionni gets more interesting scenes than the girls.

I’m down for the Roger & Jion-wow spinoff.

Don’t laugh. MTV would totally do it.

TL;DR The barren pace of weeks past is out the window this time. By focusing on unimportant, ridiculous bullshit, this show is taking a step in the direction it should have gone in the first place.

So there’s actually quite a bit crammed up into this episode.

The Jersey crew dinner party comes to an end, with much fun being made of Snooki’s big news. Then the girls watch a birthing video, Jionni and Roger try to kick each other in the head, and everyone gets drunk at a party. Easy, huh?

You know what, I didn’t really have any major problems with this episode. If I had to nit-pick, my issue would be with the show as a whole. It just isn’t very exciting. For reals. If Roger wasn’t around, I’d have no reason to watch this piece of shit at all (except I still would. Because I have to. Because I am that tragic). We need some shenanigans, girls.

We do seem to be getting closer to a watchable piece of shit, though. I really hope they continue to phase out the “this is serious business” tone that they started with. More parties, more drama, more alcohol, more Jersey crew visits. It’s only a 20 minute show, bros. If they can keep that pace firing, I won’t have time to make any complaints.

Why I hate this episode:

Snooki gets super pissed off when everybody (mainly Vinny and Pauly. Duh) makes fun of her engagement to Jionni. Bitch, these are your friends. Good friends do that. And you’ve lived with them for weeks on end on 5 separate occasions. Are you still this surprised by their behaviour? To her credit, she eventually gets over it. But it fucking takes her long enough.

The girls have some arbitrary drama with Anthony (handyman no.1) when he comes to get paid for his work. Yes, he did terrible work, but with the look you girls were going for, are you shocked? Just pay the man you goddamn cheapskates.

The girls get terribly overshadowed by more interesting characters. Roger, Jionni, Gay Joey, even the Jersey crew are more exciting than they are. Stop being so boring.

Reasons to watch:

There are 2 (yes, 2) separate scenes where Roger and Jionni get into a “kick the other one in the head” situation. These are hilariously perfect. Roger, of course, gets to fire off a great line when Jionni is trying to prove he can kick. To Jenni: “Get him a stool, baby, so he can kick me in the balls.” Fucking burn.

When Jionni finally does go for the kill, he clips his foot on something and fails completely. It’s beautiful.

Vinny makes the most of his screen time. He does a lot of teasing about the engagement. My favourite part would be when they’re talking about the ring: “Jionni can’t afford that shit. He doesn’t have a job.” Snooki is not impressed. But I was.

Deena gets the best line of the episode. When she realises that she and Snooki can no longer do their meatball thing: “The only meatball I have left is the one on my plate.” She sounds so earnest that I felt truly bad for her.

The party is a lot of fun, and most of them seem legitimately drunk. Roger makes jokes about giving Jenni STDs. In front of her dad. What a fearless bastard.

Gay Joey is a bit annoying, but also kind of adorable. He’s like a guido-fied Mario Cantone.

And I did enjoy their reactions to watching the birth video. Jenni’s frankness about her kegel excercies regime was refreshing. Bitch is keepin’ that shit tight.

Snooki Jwoww Gay Joey spray tan

There will always be vain, overweight gay men in need of unrealistically dark spray tans.
Does she do home visits? What’s her number? It’s not for me, I swear.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

2 responses to “TV Review: Snooki & JWoww Season 1 Episode 5”

  1. Scott says :

    If Snooki doesn’t do Kegel’s after birth, she might be having a few more Incontinental Breakfasts. #sickburn #yolo

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