TV Review: Snooki & JWoww Season 1 Episode 4

Snooki Duck Face

Snooki practices her audition for Duck Hunt: The Movie. What? Fucking Battleship happened. Don’t tempt fate.

Roger isn’t in this episode.

And.

That.

Is.

Not.

Okay.

Luckily, the Jersey Shore castmates help fill the gap.

TL;DR Pretty much nothing happens. It’s great to see the JS crew together again, though. But that’s about it.

So this episode covers 2 main points. The first is the girls getting their apartment decorated in time for the dinner they’re planning with the roommates. The second is the dinner.

There’s nothing really all too wrong with this. It’s a quick show, so you don’t have to languish in pointless filler. But it’s just all a little boring.

And dull.

Seriously, if this is the kind of material they’re actually using for the show, the rest of the footage must be positively brain-melting. I mean come on, they focus almost an entire episode on Snooki and Jenni trying to hang drapes? The Kardashian’s would be insulted by that.

And the fact that the show pretends the girls are actually relying on the random handyman they hire to hang drapes is absurd. There would be an army of producers ready to get that shit done if they really needed it. And why did they hire some regular Joe to do interior design? These are rich celebrities. They could hire, oh, I don’t know, an interior fucking designer. Just a thought.

But as I said, it’s over quick. And the girls keep things funny enough to get you by.

Why I hate this episode:

I think it’s time for me to accept that the “this is serious business” hat is firmly on, and the show isn’t taking it off. I will have to try to live with it.

I think one of the most frustrating things that goes on during The Drapery Chronicles would be the bleeped-into-oblivion story that handyman no.1 tells. What is the fucking point of you including a whole scene of him describing his dirty sex tale if we don’t know literally anything that he said? Jersey Shore loves doing this, by the way. There was the rimming talk in season 3 (which, thankfully, the porn-savvy ones among us could figure out). Then there was Joanie’s (Deena’s sister) special talent (it was squirting, FYI), which I had to fucking Google.

Also, why do Snooki and Jenni care so much about decorating? Have they not seen the crap shack that the shore house turns into after they’ve been in it for 5 minutes? And the decorations they pick aren’t anything to get excited over. Contrived.

The drapes that handyman no.1 puts up also “fall down” while the girls are out. Which gives the show an excuse to waste more time while they hire another handyman. Staged, much?

Oh, and when the drapes do fall down, Jenni says she wants to cancel dinner because of it. What the actual fuck?

The dogs are still around and they’re annoying.

And Roger isn’t in this episode, which is a travesty.

Reasons to watch:

All the JS crew are here (except Mike, who I was surprised to find I didn’t miss). Just like old times. Felt good, man.

The roommates (especially Pauly and Vinny, natch) absolutely tear into Snooki after she announces her engagement. She gets all pissy about it, but nobody else gives a fuck. And it’s hilarious. You can tell they’re actually good friends when they make your amazing news into an endless joke.

Sammi doesn’t make everything about her, which was nice for a change.

Snooki and Jenni pose for a photograph for a painter at one point, and they totally duck face it.

Best line of the episode would have to go to Vinny. After Snooki announces she’s engaged: “That’s one penis for the rest of your life.” He knows what matters to Snooks.

Snooki is a close runner up with this: “What’s a vase?” Jenni even pronounces it both ways for her, and she legit doesn’t know what it means. Makes me feel better about myself.

And the best moment of the episode would have to be Deena handing over her housewarming git: boxed wine. She’s an alcoholic after my own liver.

Snooki & JWoww Deena boxed wine goon

Goon: alcoholism made affordable.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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