TV Review: The Glee Project Season 2 Episode 2
I didn’t think it was possible for there to be a less inspired version of an LMFAO song. And one with worse vocals.
Oh, Glee Project.
TL;DR There is an overload of retardedly beautiful drama this episode. So much stupidity. So much amazing. And the song is awful, which makes everything sweeter.
Holy fuck-tacos, where do I start? Almost every contestant is a self-absorbed, over-confident, douche-mazing little puke. Step aside, ANTM.
But this is I Just Hate Everything, so let’s begin with what sucks.
So the mentor this episode is fucking Samuel. You know, the guy who “won” last year and became Glee’s worst new character of season 3 (a highly contested title). That’s more insulting than having fucking Lauren “I got written out of the third season. That’s how undesirable I am as a character” Zises. And he comes in without shoes on. No amount of ridiculous hair and one-tone smoulder can cover up that. It’s fucking disgusting and an obvious attempt to look cool and hippie.
Needless to say, Samuel can’t do a damn thing to help Gaysian (Abraham is his name, but I prefer Gaysian. It’s simpler) do well for the video challenge.
Which is LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem. The result is as horrifyingly mediocre as you can imagine. Glee: proving that wherever there is a below average yet popular song, there must be shittier cover version that the original artists can bitch about.
At least the mentors (and Ryan Murphy, proving he isn’t completely separated from reality) give the contestants an epic bitch slap about how terrible it was. They tell them flat-out that they were all awful, and the ones who go through to next week are simply the ones who sucked the least. Finally, some honesty. And it suits Zach and Nikki. You know they were just dying for a bad week so they could let loose.
Why I hate this episode:
Ol’ chipmunk voice Taryn leaves the show. Off screen. Fucking selfish bitch. At least give us a fake-as-hell confessional where you say how homesick you are.
Aylin needs to seriously shut the fuck up about how she’s a Turkish Muslim but she’s so totally a massive party gal, like, to the max, yo. We get it. You’re boring but also happen to be vaguely ethnic, so you completely overblow your religion. Move on.
I seriously hate Tyler’s voice. I think Taryn was distracting me (with her annoying voice) from how annoying his really is. And he’s been in the bottom 3 both times so far. Eliminate him. I don’t care about his dreams, I just care about my own comfort.
Nellie is a little prudish bitch. They have a spin the bottle scene in the video shoot, and she’s all like “I don’t just kiss people. Ew.” Bitch, you’re 19.
Speaking of age disparity, fucking Gaybraham (that feels right) has a massive cry when he gets sent through to next week. Dude, you’re 24. That’s embarrassing.
Lily is a bad singer.
And it looks like Keep Holding On is going to keep holding on (ah ha!). Damn.
Reasons to watch:
Aylin causes some bizarre drama during the spin the bottle scene. She kisses some guy (one of the pretty ones. He’s not valuable enough for me to remember his name), and ADHD gets all shitty because he likes her. Then she kisses him back stage for realsies. What a slut.
The “here’s what you missed” narration is talking about different sizes of girls, and uses the terms small, medium and large. Lily is on screen when he says large. I lol’d.
Mario (the blind guy) and Wheels (the wheelchair girl) get into a tiff about who gets to sing a particular line in the homework challenge. I was totes prepped for a handicap showdown. It didn’t happen, but the thought alone was enough to sustain me.
Lily dances like a stripper. I have no problem with this.
Dani gets told she is a boring hipster by pretty much everyone. This is true.
Mario got some merciful sunglasses for the video shoot. Thank god. I know it’s mean, but his eyes make me uncomfortable.
The mentors get to be really critical, and it felt so good. It was like they were inside my mind. Sexually.
When Zach tells Lily what she was doing wrong (stripper dancing), she argues with him and tries to justify herself. She’s an oblivious bitch, which makes her perfect for this show. I’m vibing that she’ll be our breakout villain.
And Dani gets eliminated, which I have absolutely no feelings about. Perfect.