TV Review: The Glee Project Season 2 Episode 1
Alright, now shit’s getting real.
Well, as real as you can expect with anything to do with Glee.
Which isn’t real at all.
In case you didn’t see where I was going with this.
Which you did.
Because you’re not retarded.
And because Glee sucks.
TL;DR Could this be the best reality competition show out there? God, these people are vain and stupid. And the best part is it takes itself seriously. Move over, Amazing Race.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe how much joy this show brings me. There’s just so much to hate. I think it actually overloads me on hate and brings me to haters’ Nirvana. Everything is clear, and it is clearly awful. But so perfect to watch.
I was going to do, like, a cast list and put everyone’s stereotype with it blah blah blah, but I can’t remember who most of them are, and given that every episode one of them fucks off anyway, I don’t think it really matters. The point is, if I didn’t take down their name, I will use an offensive term to describe them (possibly both. My diligence is bipolar).
So our theme (themes? So much beauty) this episode is “Individuality.” And guess what song they choose to demonstrate that for the visiting mentor?
Did you guess Born This Way? Congratulations, so did EVERYONE. How fucking obvious do they want to be? Fuck.
The mentor this episode was Lea Michele, so I guess I was wrong about her avoiding this pile of shit. Oh Lea. No. You don’t need to do this. Just leave Glee and New Year’s Eve behind. Do something with your life. Something that matters (and isn’t terrible).
I didn’t really have a major problem with this episode. I was too busy trying to decide how much to hate each of the contestants, and even then I don’t remember half of them.
Why I hate this episode:
Oh, The Glee Project contestants.
The guy with ADHD is annoying and has crap hair (and a fucking beanie. Ugh). He excuses his bad behaviour by playing the mental illness card. This would be intolerable in the real world, but it’s apparently something to proud of in Glee world.
The gaysian (gay asian. Portmanteau!) is also annoying. I like his hair, though. It’s the only part of him worth remembering.
Dani (the Bieber look alike) is a hipster douche, and also not good at learning. Lea Michele tells her that her sexy dancing is shit, then she goes and does it again during choreography, and Zach tells her it’s shit. I’ll be keeping an eye out for it.
Lily (the fat girl) describes herself as “bigger”. Bitch, you’re not bigger. You’re fat. Just be honest with yourself. Hanna from last season was, and she was hilarious as fuck.
Tyler (the transgendered guy) is a straight-up attention whore.
Taryn (squeaky voice) is annoying. Because of her squeaky voice.
Oh, and there’s a guy called Maxfield. Yeah.
Ryan Murphy again shows why Glee is fucking terrible. He goes on about how he’s basing his eliminations on who he thinks could have a part written based on their own personal story. Um, you’re the fucking writer. Making the story is your fucking job. He is so defiantly lazy and uninspired. I just want someone to call him out on his bullshit.
Tyler has a bitch about getting ABC as his last chance song. He says he can’t sing it because he hasn’t got the right voice for it. Obviously he’s never heard his voice. He’s high pitched as fuck. He’s not Taryn, but he’s close enough.
They’re still using Keep Holding On as the departure montage thing. It’s embarrassingly false and way overdone from last season. Should have been cut.
And I know this is going to sound horrible (me be horrible? Never!), but Mario (the blind guy) needs to put on some dark glasses. His eyes make me uncomfortable. I’m not a monster, we’re all thinking it.
Reasons to watch:
Pretty much all of the above.
The Glee Project is that rare breed of reality show where the more frustrating something is, the more entertaining. This is because the show is completely serious with itself. I don’t think anything but Glee (and the ever-oblivious Ryan Murphy) could pull that off.
Irony aside, there are some genuine things to like in here.
Shanna is the only contestant who actually seems to care enough about the contest to do well, yet be realistic enough to not contstantly wank on about how amazing Glee is. Or incessantly bring up her sob story (she’s the druggy mummy girl). She’s actually the challenge winner this week, so at least something makes sense in Glee world.
Aylin (Muslim chick) smashes her last chance performance. I don’t like her, but bitch can sing.
Tyler’s last chance performance sucked, which made me happy.
Maxfield got eliminated, and I didn’t really care. Which is good. Because he was bland.
The music video they made was alright. No complaints about that.
But I will always keep coming back. Unless the show becomes self aware.