TV Review: Snooki & JWoww Season 1 Episode 1

Snooki & JWoww episode 1

Being pregnant sucks! Waah!

Okay, so I actually watched the right episode this time. Still appreciated the clip show, though.

I didn’t think I could find anything to tide me over until Jersey Shore comes back (and the season 5 DVDs still haven’t been fucking released yet), but I’m thinkin’ S&J might just be what I need.

TL;DR It’s trashy, obvious, MTV crap. But it’s quick, to the point, and keeps things entertaining. That’s all I want.

I have one really big problem with this, and it pops up a couple of times. The first is pretty much the first scene.

So the basic premise of the show is Snooki and JWoww moving out together. That’s it. This episode focuses on their search for a place to stay.

The problem is that the show tries to make this seem like it’s a real thing. Like, they’re trying to appeal to people (I’m guessing the fellow guidettes out there) who might be doing this IRL. But this isn’t real. This is a reality show. Not only is everything being paid for, but Snooks and Jenni are actually getting paid to do this.

There are two horrifyingly insulting scenes that try to pretend that this isn’t the case. The first is Snooki doing her intro thing at home. She goes on about guidos and guidettes who are, like, 40, and still living at home with their parents. She bemoans how totes embarrassing that would be, and how she’s moving out with Jenni (I’m just gonna call her Jenni. JWoww is annoying to type) to prevent this from happening. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, how rich are you, again? You’re fucking Snooki. You make more an episode than what most people make in a year. Yes, I understand that you’re an idiot and you’ll probably Speidi out and end up living back at home, but for now, bitch please. You’re not fooling anyone. You’re retardedly rich, and nobody’s buying that moving out is a financial concern.

Nobody but her father, apparently. Another scene involves him lecturing Snooki about all the expenses (rent, electricity etc) of living out on her own. Why? How rich are you, again? For fuck’s sake.

Also, the whole house hunting thing is bizarre. Everyone knows you only ended up where you did because you got banned everywhere else. Although I did like the interplay between the girls and the realtors.

Despite these flaws, though, S&J does exactly what it needs to: moves along. If the show really had gone to the pains of portraying their house hunting realistically, then I would be much angrier. As is, everything is kept fast and vague. Just like a good reality show should.

Snooki and Jenni work well together. I dare say they are brunette, tanner versions of Paris and Nicole. Snooki being Nicole (because she’s short and causes trouble), and Jenni being Paris (because she’s tall and is more responsible by comparison). They also have the same hair thing going on. Twinsies!

Why I hate this episode:

I really hope they get past the whole “pretending this is legitimate” thing. Come on, we know it’s a reality show. Worse, we know it’s a Jersey Shore spinoff. I gave up on Pauly D’s show after the first episode because it was embarrassingly artificial. I don’t want to give up on this.

Snooki’s car is ridiculous. They make a big deal about how difficult it is to parallel park. Bitch is rich enough to buy a more appropriate car. Stop treating us like we’re idiots (I mean, we are watching this, so we are idiots. But respect our patronage).

Jenni insults Victor (the male realtor) for his blazer. Fuck off. He looks 80s fabulous.

And the revelation of Snooki’s engagement and pregnancy at the end was kinda hollow. Everyone already knows, and I know they know we know, but still.

Reasons to watch:

If you absolutely need some Jersey in your life (and you’ve already gone through every DVD season, like, 50 times. Like me) then this is as good as it’s gonna get.

Snooki’s mum is a boss. She pretty much calls Snooki out on how lazy and spoilt she is and how she won’t be able to live alone. If the absolute fucking mess she causes in the Jersey Shore house is anything to go by, she’s entirely accurate.

Roger is also a boss. He and Jenni fit so well together. And he’s a hot-ass gorilla. “Strippers need love, too.” They certainly do, Roger.

Snooki doesn’t answer her phone while driving, which I thought was something interesting to throw in. Bitch be responsible as hell.

And of course, Snooki gets the killer quote for this episode: “Instead of life throwing me a curve ball, it threw me a sperm ball. Obviously.” Obviously.

Snooki & JWoww Jenni

Not bad, actually.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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