TV Review: The Secret Circle Season 1 Episode 22

Secret circle crystal skull

Every time I heard them say “Crystal Skull”.

NOTE: Don’t get mad if you think I’m too cruel. Read the About and Review Format pages before flipping your shit. I’m not a monster, I’m just a victim of a very bitchy autocorrect.

Well, this is it for The Secret Circle. It ain’t coming back. The whole time I watched (and yes, I did make it through the whole season) I felt it was the little series that couldn’t. I was right, baby.

TL;DR This is the best episode of the series. A mostly fucking dull series, but at least they made a decent exit.

You know what? I don’t want to slash The Secret Circle too hard. It’s fucking cancelled. That’d be mean. And you know what else? I actually looked forward to each episode. It was a boring piece of shit, but at least it never felt like it was trying to be something it wasn’t. Shows like Gossip Girl, or Glee, or The Vampire Diaries, they’re big and successful. I feel no guilt slagging off those fuckers. But The Secret Circle doesn’t deserve it, man. Have a heart.

So this episode we finally get this crystal skull thing together, and yes, it looks and functions as retardedly as you’d expect. The witch hunters almost bring the pain on Faye, Melissa and Jake, but they are foiled yet again. Also, John Blackwell finally gets killed.

My problem with this episode is a result of the poor quality of the entire season. There are no sufficient motivations for any of the villains. John Blackwell, a character who is shown to be damn clever, suddenly turns Aryan race on us. The witch hunters were never given any motivation whatsoever apart from their title. And Charles went from being a cold blooded murderer of Cassie’s mother to someone we were supposed to sympathise with. The Vampire Diaries works (or at least the first two seasons did) because the villains are fun, strong, and have real goals. We never got that here.

Shit, I feel bad now. Time for some positivity. We actually get to see some fucking magic this episode! Fucking praise! There’s fire and shit. Faye lays the beat down on a goon. This is what should have been happening every episode. Diana finally gets her shit together and uses her dark magic. There’s a decent Faye one-liner. Cassie does crazy eyes. It’s all here. This is, without a doubt, the best episode of the series. But still…

Why I hate this episode:

Even when it’s doing its best, The Secret Circle is still the ugly, unwanted cousin of TVD. There is nothing special here. 22 episodes and no meaningful conclusions are made for any of the circle. I guess from the ending that they were hoping for a second season, but even considering that, I didn’t feel or learn anything about these characters. Apart from Faye being a bitch, Diana being a prude, and Jake being an idiot.

Reasons to watch:

They finally use magic. That’s relief enough. Also, the ending few minutes leave me legit, and I can’t fucking believe I’m saying this, wanting more. I’m glad I’d already found out it had been cancelled before watching, otherwise I would be seriously pissed off. Adam succumbs to the crystal skull, finally doing something cool. Faye and Melissa drink. Diana gets her shit together with hot Aussie. Jake gets a warning from his grandpa about the incoming Balcoin children. Cassie sinks further into her dark magic. And to cap it off, the Balcoin bitches have arrived in town. Fuck.

Secret circle balcoin children

Don’t leave me this way.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

11 responses to “TV Review: The Secret Circle Season 1 Episode 22”

  1. Catherine Dream says :

    Oh what the hell, Imma watch it again.
    I already forgot how boring it was.
    I wanna see the lightsss again…

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